Customer Reviews

I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

We all become entangled in an estranged relationship from time to time. Often there is a big hole in our lives where a relationship once flourished. Feelings are hurt, opportunities lost, time passes and more special times are missed because of the estrangement. When do you find that enough is enough? When you have decided that the cost of the estranged relationship is too high, how to you go about reconciling? What if the other person is not ready to reconcile? How do you bring peace back to your life? These are all valid questions and here, finally, is a book on how to deal with these and other questions. Here is a book that details how to get past the barriers and start onto that road to reclaim that which was lost.

The book is filled with examples of minor differences that have caused complete separation to the much more serious problems of estrangement due to child abuse and similar very serious problems. She details her process of reconciliation with her mother after not speaking for ten years. She also details how others have moved to the point of reconciliation and what they have done. She starts by pointing out that all the knowledge that she had gained over the years was not necessarily correct. Must you forgive the other person first? Conventional wisdom is yes but she gives examples of people who have reconciled without forgiveness. Do you have to discuss the issue completely and get everything out in the open? Conventional wisdom is yes, yet she gives examples where reconciliation was possible only because they agreed not to discuss it between them. We are not dealing with a cookbook where you can say the process of reconciliation is step one, step two, step three. We are dealing with people and emotions and what is required for reconciliation is whatever the two people involved require. Reconciliation is a very personal process.

What types of reconciliations are discussed? Reconciling with a drunk driver who killed your child, a man shot by and then reconciled to his assailant, a young man who vandalized a church because of highly charged ethnic feelings but was reconciled to the church members. Extreme examples that sometimes are hard to understand how a person can rise to that point of reconciliation. But the world is a better place because people can.
The last of the book contains a simple test that the reader can take to determine if they are ready for reconciliation. Part of the process is based on being ready to reconcile and having the common ingredients that make reconciliation successful. These common ingredients include time, maturity, discernment, compassion, honesty, determination, courage, listening and accountability.

If you are entangled in an estranged relationship or know someone who is then this book should be required reading. If you are ready to reconcile a relationship but dont know how then find the courage in the examples in this book. If the cost of being apart has become too great then learn how to quit paying the costs. An indispensable book for those who are ready to move on with their life after an estranged relationship or those who want to help prevent an estranged relationship in the first place when possible, it is a highly recommended read.

Laura has given me so much to think about. I have been estranged from my sister for 12 years. She has given me insights and ideas that I hope will help heal this relationship.
I highly recommend the book.

Unlike many other books, you may want to start by reading the appendices. If you open to Appendix A, you will start with an excellent questionnaire that will help you to know if you are ready for reconcilliation. You also may use information in the appendices to get a FREE reconcilliation newsletter. There also is help in deciding whether to seek psychotherapy and how to form a discussion group.

The body of the book uses one of the most effective tools known to self-improvement. It reports in-depth interviews with real people who have experienced different kinds of reconcilliation, from minor improvements to incredible breakthroughs. If it is your intention to reconcile yourself to another, it is very likely that these experiential stories will strike a receptive chord in you. This may well help you to find new inner resources to find the new peace and tranquility that you yearn for.

If you have a problem involving reconcilliation, this is the book for you.

Peter Bloch
...

This book has rocked my world. I literally have a different life after having read it. It has led me to take giant steps toward multiple personal reconciliations that have held me hostage for years, while also giving me a sense of collective purpose-- the significance of this kind of work toward a vision of reconciliation on a global scale can not be underestimated..

Am I the 100th monkey? All I can tell you is that from these pages came real changes . The stories evoked alot of head nodding and tears, with my own stories of estrangement suddenly having a tangible context within which to flourish and take heart... Maybe it was the great empathy with which it was written, or the detailed way in which Ms Davis is able to take us down that jungle path into the contrary ways of the heart ...these things followed by stories of those doing the good work of reconciling entire classes of people in political or religious conflict made for one very moved, well fed, and lately enlightened monkey.

This book is basically a collection of other people's stories. The author does little more than repackage others' stories/experiences in a "collection" of anecdotes that may (or may not) be applicable to readers' situations. Most of the situations are EXTREME (drug abuse, sexual abuse, etc, so be warned. I suggest you look elsewhere for a self-help book on reconciliation.

This book changed my life. Halfway through the first chapter, I started crying, and by the time I got to Chapter 6, I called my sister, who I hadn't spoken to in ten years. I was scared to death, but she was glad to hear from me, and we have I Thought We'd Never Speak Again to thank for our reconciliation.

Laura Davis has done a very brave and spritual thing in writing this much-needed book which exposes the virtues of healing the deep-seated rifts that occur between human beings. Written simply and clearly, I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER SPEAK AGAIN offers relevant examples of how others have managed to reconciliate, ranging from families that reach out to one another after years of heartbreaking estrangement to Palestineans and Israelies who manage to find understanding.

In focusing on the benefits of healing relationships, Davis offers welcome alternatives for those mired down in anger and antagonism. She provides hope for those seeking an end to heartbreaking separation from loved ones and offers practical advice on how to go about initiating reconciliation.

This book is even more meaningful in view of the fact that in it Davis has come full circle from her previous stance in A COURAGE TO HEAL, which encouraged taking a hard line and breaking up families, a road Davis traveled in her own life. She is to be commended for the great courage and maturity she has shown in embracing reconciliation and healing the relationships in her own family and for seeking to help others do so.

This is a must-read for anyone who has experienced the tragedy of severed relationships.

After reading this book I realized that much of what she had to say is common sense but when you live with the anger and hurt feelings daily. Common sense goes out the window nor do you always want to be the bigger stronger person.
It has been very helpful for me. This book made me realize that often times it is not about me and if those people in the stories who had bigger injuries done to them could forgive so can I. Forgiveness is the key and it allows you to let go of the anger and mend broken relationships.
I have recommended and loaned this book to friends, family, aquaintances and enemies.
Buy this book if you find yourself in this position. Happy reading!

There was one particular chapter in this book that contributed to my healing process. Sometimes you cannot reconcile and I learned that it would be okay. I'd read too many books that made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough.

In reading Laura Davis's book, I was struck by how often the smallest thing can cause a rift and tear apart a life. When she discusses the various ways that people have been able to heal these rifts, it gives me great hope for our world. We are at war because people cannot reconcile, cannot stop fighting and hating long enough to even consider a way back. Yet for the future of our children and our planet, a way must be found. "I Thought We Would Never Speak Again" provides many examples to help find our way, including that of Arab and Israeli children meeting and truly getting to know each other for the first time, not as evil stereotypes, but as humans and even friends.
The sage Mencius said: "The men of old, wishing to clarify and diffuse throughout the Empire that light which comes from looking directly into the heart and acting, first set up good government in their own states. Wanting good government in their own states, they first established order in their families. Seeking order in their families, they first disciplined themselves. Wishing to discipline themselves, they first rectified their hearts."
Laura's book shows us the steps to rectify our hearts so we can then reconcile our relationships in order to open a path to healing.