Customer Reviews

Three in a Bed : The Benefits of Sharing Your Bed With Your Baby

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4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

As a Physician and Parent (of a 22 month old), I am very gratefull for this book. Please do not listen to the reviewer from Toronto who labeled this book as dangerous! I am a Family Physician who has looked into this issue long and hard. The "experts" who promote fear and guilt to mother's who are following their biological instincts to nurture their babies, are not 'experts" at all. The truth of the matter is that most Physicians and other Health Care providers know very little of the facts related to co-sleeping, and instead perpetuate the same ill-informed opinions passed on from their unenlightened mentors or their own families. This book presents in very clear terms the benefits of co sleeping that the majority of the world already knows about. For the last 100 years in this country, we have told mothers to ignore their hard wired instincts "for the benefit of the child". In addition to breastfeeding, co-sleeping became an abnormallity, and was viewed as a "primitive", "uncivilized" relic from our cave-dwelling past. Fortunately, the tide of breastfeeding is on the upswing despite the corporate formula interests involved. Today, even the conservative American Academy of Peditricians reccommends breast feeding till at least 1 year old (the World Health Organization reccommends at least 2 years). I hope that some day the irrational fears associated with co sleeping will gain this same type of informed acceptance. I think this book is a great addition to the growing body of EVIDENCE to counter the "fear of smothering or spoiling your child" brainwashing that we in the western world have in the past accepted without question.

My daughter was maybe a day old when I brought her to bed with me in the hospital because she wouldn't stop crying. The nurse came in and said, "they learn that 'trick' right away." I can't tell you how many health care professionals told me that my several-day-old infant was manipulating me or playing tricks on me and how I was the parent and had to take control before it got out of hand. How rediculous was that?

I wish I'd read this book when I was pregnant. May daughter is 19 months old now and when she was an infant, I made sure she didn't get into the "bad habit" of sleeping with us. I even got her out of our bedroom and into her own by the time she was two months old so as not to get her too used to being even in the same room with us. I was very proud of myself for doing the "right thing." While I read this book I couldn't help but feel guilty because I'd given into to advice from well-meaning doctors, family members and friends even though it went against my own instincts. I even cried.

My toddler now sleeps on a mattress on the floor in our room and climbs into bed with us whenever she wishes. No more spending and hour and a half in the middle of the night trying to get her back to sleep after a nightmare and no more being frightened and alone in the dark for her. I'm selling the cradle and crib and the next child will sleep with us from the start. I'm going to buy one of these books for every expecting parent I know!

The life-changing message for me was to trust my instincts and do what feels right. Nevermind what everyone else says you should do.

This book is wonderful. Even though I'd already read a lot about the subjects that it tackles (cosleeping, breastfeeding, child-rearing, among others), and already practice a lot of what it advocates, I found it to be eye-opening and mind-opening in so many unexpected ways. It is well-written and very well-researched -- and thus more worthwhile and more convincing than some books/articles on the same subject which are too shrill, propagandistic, and/or New Age-y for my taste. Even if you don't think you're interested in cosleeping, but are interested in breastfeeding, or in rearing a happy and secure child, this book has something for you. I only wish I'd discovered it sooner! Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down (and more so than the previous reviewer, I found the first half of the book both fascinating and informative -- perhaps even more so than the later "practical" chapters).

This book has been around for 10 years, though maybe not in the U.S. The author openly summarises (well, re-writes) Jean Liedhoff's The Continuum Concept, just putting it in a contemporary British context. Most useful sections are on touching (eg. on why swaddling is always a poor substitute for a mother's skin), breast-feeding "failures" (women having lost so much confidence in their ability to feed their baby, a peculiarly western condition) and practical advice on how to avoid cracked nipples, engorgemnt etc - i.e. constant feeding, most importantly, night feeding. All chapters point to one given, that you must have your baby in bed with you at night. She even changes her doctor's mind on the subject, so beware, she'll probably change yours if you are a sceptic or have never tried it!

If you are afraid that "wearing" your baby will give you a bad back and will make you a martyr, read this book. The author states that her baby felt lighter at 8 months than at 8 days!!

The best sections are at the end, Practically Speaking (common questions answered) and Yes, but... (common accusaitons of co-sleeping rebutted).

Really good present for any new parent who is not getting a decent night's sleep.

This is the book I got right after my son was born, and I was exhausted from trying to get him to sleep in his crib. I was crying every time I failed and took him into bed with me. That was the only time we slept- him next to me, nursing. But the guilt was killing me! I didn't want to answer anymore "Is he sleeping through the night?" questions and I was getting a lot of advice like: "Once you out him in your bed- you'll never get him out!" This book, and it's well researched info changed my mind forever and after reading it, we got a bedrail and slept well every night since. Now my son is 3, and sleeps in his bed most of the time, but snuggles in with us and his baby sister when he needs it. It's not always comfortable, but kids are only small for a short time and someday, they'll be too big and to independent to snuggle with us like this! USE YOUR INSTINCT!

I discovered Three In A Bed years before I had my son (actually, years before I even met his father!). Jackson's research is compelling, and got me started on the road to attachment parenting--something I'll always be greatful for. However, after my son arrived I found that things were much more difficult than Three In A Bed had led me to believe. Jackson's baby had an easy temperament, and she attributed this to her parenting style. I was expecting an easy baby too, but instead my wonderful son has a high needs temperament, with frequent waking and nursing, intense emotional reactions, etc. I was not prepared for the level of sleep deprivation I faced, as Three In A Bed had led me to believe that I could avoid all that. It's great that Jackson and many other moms could sleep through nursing, but I cannot usually do so. Also, in her question and answer section, she claims that if a baby co-sleeps from birth, there will be no problems with wriggling, kicking the parents, etc.--again, not true for high needs babies. Despite these problems, I still think that sharing sleep is the way to go, and this book is definitely worth reading. However, if your child has a high needs temperament, also read Parenting the Fussy Baby and High Needs Child by William and Martha Sears, which also advocates sharing sleep but does not claim it is a panacea.

This book is the most persuasive case I've ever read, not just bed sharing, but for holding and nursing our babies. Even if parents don't like the idea of sleeping with their babies and children, this book should persuade them at least to hold their babies more of the time than most in our society do. If all new parents would read this well-researched book, we might turn the tide on parenting styles that have babies isolated in cribs, carriages and car seats. Jackson shows that babies are meant to be close to their caretakers, that touch is crucial to their well being and that staying close with one's baby actually makes early parenthood easier on the parents.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough. I came across it accidentally in a bookshop, looked at the title rather cynically and thought mygod another of those nutty obsessive books (like the ones that suggest three course lunches for your 1 year old). I picked it up and started reading it and thought, wow, this looks interesting and intelligent (i guess more than you can say for many baby books) and I bought it.

It was very strange as it tied in with what I was feeling so much without me knowing. When I was getting a few things ready for my expected baby, my mother kept putting pressure on me to get a cot. I'd look at the cluster of cots in the shops forlornly - why did they remind me so much of cages? I actually found it distressing to imagine my baby-to-be in one.

But the book is not just about co-sleeping. MOST OF ALL I think its about having a happy, relaxed time with your baby without the routines and disciplines advised by so many of the 'experts'.

It was a wonderful upbeat, positive book about being with your baby.

I read the book many times, it was so fascinating, dealing with breastfeeding, different fashions in baby-rearing, anthropology and so forth.

I thank this book in large part for supporting my instincts. For the first six months of his life my son cried just twice in the night, just twice (most people don't believe me, but as I used to say Why should he cry - he's got his breastmilk to hand and me so he won't be lonesly either). When he woke up in the night crying I knew immediately that he was ill. My son who is now 16 months is loving, happy and independent - and we both have both slept well almost every night from the beginning, despite his wakes for feeds. Also, he doesn't need to take bottled milk to bed, or toys or teddies, or need complicated routines it seems. He just has a bit of milk and off to sleep. (He does need me though!!!!)

A friend of mine once asked me why I didn't have a cot for my newborn baby. I said you wouldn't put a kitten alone in a cage so why would you do it to a human baby, to me it made no sense.

A special big thank you to Deborah Jackson, for such a positive, helpful and loving book.

Though I wholeheartedly agree with the philospohy of this book and am thankful it's out there to educate more people, I was looking for more detailed practical information on co-sleeping. As I have often found with "attachment-parenting" related books, they spend a good deal of ink on the philospohy. It's like preaching to the choir -- I'm already onboard, just tell me what I need to know to do it!

The author does get to this toward the end of the book, but her advice is strictly from her own experience. I think she also paints an overly rosey picture of the family bed and her own experience sounds too good to be true. I had this image that co-sleeping would involve waiting til my baby showed signs of tiredness, then simply nursing her off to sleep, slipping away to have an hour or so to myself or with my husband in the evening, then slipping back into bed, maybe nursing again before drifting off, until the next time she awoke for a feed. HA! Though I love having my baby close and nursing her, don't think that co-sleepig will mean getting baby off to bed is a breeze; or that they will stay asleep (or even in the bed for that matter) before you've come to bed for the night. Nor are you likely to you "sleep through" night nursings while Dad sleeps soundly next to you and babe. The book fails to mention the reality of many of these scenarios. She also says her babies never cried at night, but does she mean all-out wailing or the very common wimpering as they stir at night to be cuddled up again, or nursed back to sleep? It should also be explained that it is very common for breastfed babies to want to nurse for a looong time when they go to sleep, and to nurse back to sleep when they wake up at night, and that you will probably do this *quite* a bit in the family bed. Knowing this in advance would've helped me accept the reality of co-sleeping, instead of thinking I was actually going to get more sleep and that my baby would never cry at night.

I didn't find enough suggestions for some of my practical concerns like: should I keep the newborn baby right next to me for nursing, or keep a little space between us for her safety? Then when she got older, how to help baby to sleep when she doesn't fall asleep nursing, nor wants to be held, but rather flops all around the bed for an hour or more, while I try to keep her from rolling off the bed; and how to keep her safely contained on the bed when I'm not in the bed; how to keep warm without smothering the baby in bed linens; what is the best breathable bed pad to keep you and baby dry...and so on.

I found the book to be a good inspiration and somewaht insightful on parenting matters. However, if you're looking for tips on the little things that will ease your mind and make the family bed comfortable for your family, you may have to learn mostly by trial and asking as many people as you can who co-sleep, what works for them.

I put into practice nearly all of the advice offered in this book and found my experience to be as positive and rewarding as the author suggests. I felt very strongly about my desire to co-sleep with my son. This book offered me the support and evidence to back up my feelings and defend them to those who thought my decision was wrong and even dangerous. So many people told me my son would never want to leave my bed. This book explained why that did not have to be the outcome of co-sleeping with him. And as the book describes, he left my bed of his own accord, proud to be a "big boy" in his own bed! I highly recommend this book to anyone who might be considering co-sleeping with their infant!