Customer Reviews

Three Little Words: A Memoir

5 star:		(71)
4 star:		(15)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Yesterday, my laundry hamper was full to overflowing demanding attention as I opened this book. I had seen the author on Good Morning America, and this seemed like an interesting story.

As I started to read thoughts of laundry disappeared, as I was riveted by this compelling story, of a little girl who just wanted to be loved by her mother, or a family.

I could not put this book down until I finished.

It was like I was there looking on as she went through these various ordeals/ adventures.

If you are considering adopting or fostering a child, this book is a must. As you read, you will understand what these children have to go through. That understanding brings compassion. You will also understand what would be parents go through because both sides of the story are told effectively.

If you work in childcare services, this ought to be required reading.

If you are like me, this is an inspiring story about surviving and succeeding against the odds. You may notice this story has a mythical quality, reminiscent of other stories like Oliver Twist, a Roald Dahl story, or even Anne of Green Gables or Harry Potter which the author refers to, except this is for real.

It is shocking to me how a system which is designed to protect children, can fail so miserably at times. How is it possible for a home that is only licensed to have two children end up with 10. How come foster children end up living in a trailer? The children do not have a voice that is heard.

I particularly commend Gay Courter her adoptive mother who also persisted against the odds, where some adoptive parents would have given up. She ended up with a remarkable child who has written a remarkable book, who I feel sure will continue to be a voice for foster children, and orphans.

Hope this was useful.

Ashley Rhodes-Courter's memoir is must reading for anyone who cares about children and their welfare. This brave young woman's account of the long road she traveled after being forcibly removed from her birth mother's care to eventually finding security with a family who nurtures her in ways she never could have imagined is a heartbreaker. While the often terrifying journey ends well for Ashley, we know there are thousands more "lost" children out there who will never be as smart, as determined--or as lucky. Now twenty-two and a successful crusader for those caught in the foster-care system as she was--almost interminably--Ashley Rhodes-Courter stands as witness that there has to be a better way to deal with the children left behind when "the state" decides their parents are unfit. Three Little Words (they are not the ones you think) is an incredibly well-written tale, all the more powerful for the fact that every word is true.

Three Little Words is an honest and powerful memoir which shares the painful details of Ashley Rhodes-Courter's nine year journey through the foster care system, while it also conveys a message of inner strength and hope. I applaud Ashley for bravely sharing her story and commend this young woman for her on-going efforts to help the children in the foster care system.
-Suzanne Buckingham Slade, author of Adopted: The Ultimate Teen Guide

Although I generally like memoirs, too often I get bogged down in boring minutiae of dysfunctional families. This one was different. I was surprised to find I couldn't put it down.

Rhodes-Courter can write. She vividly describes her years in foster care, being totally honest about herself and the families who were paid to care for her. Mercifully, she knows just how far to go before reader fatigue sets in, and she knows exactly where to stop to leave us disturbed but not overwhelmed.

Anyone who read the author's New York Times piece knows the happy ending: Rhodes-Courter was adopted by a loving family that was uniquely qualified to appreciate her gifts and help her grow as a writer and speaker. As a bonus, she gained two older brothers (they look like teddy bear types) and a houseful of cats.

But we're made to realize there was no fairy tale magic. Ashley Rhodes arrived in the Courter family as a scared, suspicious kid. She didn't know how to hug and she was a picky eater who would drive most people mad. She tested her family over and over again.

Gradually, she became a real family member. Her new brothers teased her when she avoided helping with the dishes ("Hey, are you a guest?") Her mother went along with the food fuss. Her dad was, well, a dad. And she admits she came to realize just how lucky she was,

In what may be the most powerful part of the book, Rhodes-Courter asks a very good question. Why do states pay a fortune for foster care instead of subsidizing the birth parents? What would have happened if her own mother had been given money and support to keep her own children? And why does the state ignore reports of abuse in a foster home yet whisk children away from their own parents at the slightest hint of a problem?


Just stay away from this book if you're on deadline. It sucks you in.

This is an absoultely incredable book. I cried at times remembering my own experience as a DFCS case worker whose hands were often tied by rules and court orders that made little sense to me. I could only imagine what it did to the children I worked with. I like to tink that I was one of the good ones, caring about my kids and doing my best to protect them and represent their needs in court. I hope I was. What an amazing story of intelligence and resillance in Ashley. I hope and pray that all continues to well with her and her brother.

This book was so awesome. It reminded me a lot of my life. I grew up with single mother and was in foster care when I was a little girl. I had some of the same obsticals that Ashley did at a young age. When I was six I finally came to stay with the family that adopted me 3 years later. This book tells you that not everyone has the perfect family of lifestyle but you can make so much more out of what you have if you just apply yourself in your dreams and allow them to come true!!!! I loved this book, it was such an inspiration to know that there are many others out there that have gone through the same things. Good Job Ashley!!

Is this a review, or the start of its own book? Having never written before, I don't know. I want to say that this is a great book, but it is ONE foster/adoption story and hopefully will not be taken as representative of the over 118 thousand children waiting in foster care for forever families. Maybe you will be inspired by it to write your own story, and if so you should check out nonprofits like adoptuskids.org for how to get started. Our daughters were waiting for us there; maybe yours is, too.

I got the book in the mail yesterday, and tossed it on my nightstand before returning to my day: changed out of my teacher clothes while letting out the dog, feeding the hamster, keeping the 9 and 8 year old bio sons from swordfighting, reassuring the 13 and 10 year old placed-two-weeks-ago preadoptive daughters that they WON'T get sent back because they spilled the milk, chasing the dog the 10 year old "accidentally" let out the front door (for the 18th time in two weeks), making dinner, making another dinner because the 13 year old won't eat what I made, checking in with the 21 year old adopted-at-age-17 daughter, cleaning up dinner, homework, shower supervision, story/song/prayer time.... well, you get the picture. So at bedtime I expected to read a page and fall asleep.

At 2:30, I finished a riveting story, but now as I write a few hours later, it's not just the tiredness that has me unsettled. I suspect I am whistling in the wind, but I find myself reverse-cynical, hoping for more. I have no doubt that Ashley's tale is true, yet I wish for the story of my oldest daughter to be published in counterpoint: she had several foster placements, none of whom abused her and two of whom we still communicate with, and was met and adopted at age 17 by two parents and two brothers who love her with a ferocity that confuses non-adoptive families. She is a successful, beautiful young woman who has most recently seen her life-long goal of becoming a US Marine come true. Sure, we had (and to be honest, still have) those moments of wondering what we were thinking when we signed those adoption papers, but we also have those thoughts about conceiving our birth sons! Sure, she wishes her birth family had been mentally healthy, but we all have moments of wishing the same thing. But that doesn't make for a riveting story, and we have to go to work to feed the mouths we have borne and adopted, so I haven't time or connections to get it published for her.

No, it is not a fairy tale. Our daughter struggles with being sure of our love, and challenges us. She thought catsup was a food group when she came to us, and in other behaviors very different from Ashley's we are reminded that she will probably always wonder a bit if we're for real. So I get it. Adopting an older child is not for the faint-of-heart. I ache for Gay, who somehow comes across in Ashley's writing as a second-class mom despite her first-class parenting, and had I not already 'survived' an older-adoption, I would be dismayed by what I read last night. But for those reading this on the inside of the scrutiny box - or those looking up close because you are thinking about adopting - take care and take heart. Maybe my three daughters will always see me as a second-class mom, or perhaps they will lay laurels at my feet and praise my feeble efforts as grand. I hope neither is the case. I hope that someday, like my sons, they will simply take my presence and love for granted, as something owed them and freely given. I believe that will be the case, and while I agree all foster/adoption interested folks should read "Three Little Words," I hope none believe it will ever be thus.

Ashley Rhodes survived 9 years and a total of 19 foster parents. "Three Little Words" describes the many cases of abuse Ashley experienced in the near decade that she spent in the foster care system. She witnessed cases where children who were already broken were further shattered into shells of human beings. The odds were against her in a system that still has problems. Yet she not only survived, she flourished.

It was uplifting to read a tale about the foster care system that actually had a happy ending. Too many times we read about kids lost in the system, or ones that are forever dealing with the issues that comes with being moved from one family to another.

"Three Little Words" is definitely a book that I would recommend to anyone currently in the foster care system. There is a light at the end of the deep, dark tunnel. There is hope.

I was a volunteer for CASA for many years in Houston, Texas, and as a CASA could really identify with this story. The wonderful thing for the author is she not only was very intelligent, but also strong and even though she was in some horrible placements, still did get encouragement from teachers, as well as her CASA.

One of my children that I was a volunteer had a similar situation and she too has been in a wonderful adoptive home but it took a lot of care and concern by her therapist, myself, her attorney and my supervisor to have this happy ending.

I think books like this are so important for the general public to realize what a child in foster care can go through. There are many wonderful foster homes as I have had children placed in those homes too, but there are also people who should not be foster parents.

I thought this book was going to be overall sad, gloomy and full of sadistic people. It started off like most stories: A girl with a somewhat good life (in her eyes) that is turn upside down by factor she does not know of yet! At the end, though, Ashley Rhodes-Courter portrays herself as a role model people can follow and also portrays state systems a little rusty. If you have not yet read this book, I tell you DO!