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220 of 225 people found the following review helpful
on June 26, 2013
Hello fellow humans,

As a sloth myself, I live by the slogan "Live Slow, Die Whenever". So..When I wear a shirt, it's gotta be goooooood. Mostly caus' I'm not gonna change it caus' I'm too lazy. I feel this is an accurate representation of how my fellow companions look at the moon every night, well if they had the energy to look up. Like a wolf.

Fellow female sloth's can normally take up to a year to find me for mating, but with this shirt...that all seems to have changed. If Sloth's can have "swag" I think I got it. When I'm moving from tree to tree at a remarkable 6ft per minute, I can smell the ladies coming a mile away. Of course I wouldn't settle for any female sloth, as a sloth with this shirt on shouldn't settle for the first sloth to come his way.

My only complaint is that there arn't any sloth's hanging from the moon. I think my fellow sloths are too lazy to actually look up at anything. Well, I know I am. So if your slothin' it through the forest, or your ready to eat till your sleepy then sleep till your hungry, I would highly recommend picking up this shirt.
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109 of 111 people found the following review helpful
on August 27, 2013
Sloths are very underrated creatures. They are actually quite majestic and often stare at the moon pondering the universe. My favorite one is the middle one. He is named Rodney.
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56 of 58 people found the following review helpful
on January 3, 2014
This shirt is every bit as magnificent as it looks. Purchase it immediately, and in triplicate. Be the son your father hoped for.

You come from a long line of ancestors, dating back to the dawn of humanity. Think of the battles they fought, the difficulties they overcame, the loves they pursued and the beauty they created. A series of evolutionary winners who didn't just reproduce, they produced reproducers themselves. An unbroken chain of winners, each distilling the best from those who came before. And for what? For you. For this moment. For the chance that somehow, somewhere down the line, you would have this opportunity to own the shirt they never could.

Don't let them down.
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47 of 49 people found the following review helpful
on January 6, 2014
...but it doesn't matter. You don't need a wingman when you wear this t-shirt, that is unless you need someone to help keep the ladies off of you. This shirt is guaranteed to get you laid, either with someone else, or just by yourself in a dark room with an Internet-capable computer.
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22 of 22 people found the following review helpful
on January 6, 2014
Greatness is a tricky thing. Aspire to too high of a peak, the gods will knock you back down for your silly hubris (think of Icarus crash back to the sea). Touch it too early, you might never learn lessons taught only in the trenches of defeat (Tiger Woods). The smallest taste of it leaves our great ones thirsty for triumph, keeps them ascending even after being crippled by age or injury or defeat (like Napoleon trotting out of exile for one more romp across Europe before being throttled at Waterloo).

We mortal men build up and mythologize great men and women to turn them into gods; we cloak them in grandeur, wrap them in heroism, praise their victories and excuse their misdemeanors. Doomed to die we build these people up because we hope that it means someone might remember us; that if we pass this story along of Davy Crockett it might mean that someone someday will tell a story about us; that our names might live longer than our fleshy prisons.

I was walking downtown, mid-crosswalk, and saw it across the street on some hipster with a mop top Ellen Degeneres hair cut. It stopped me dead in my tracks and I almost ended up tattooed on the grill of a Suburban.

This shirt touches greatness because it is who we are. Me, your boss, your neighbor, even YOU anonymous Amazon purchaser. We are all sloths. Instead of cecropia trees to hang in we have HuffPo comment strands and Twitter and Tumblr. Instead of reclining into an 18 hour bed of sleep we recline into an hour of wasted Facebook time. Sloths eat, sleep, eat some more. We sleep, wake up, optimize search engine results, eat, sleep some more. In line at the deli we finger scroll furiously looking for something to grab our attention. I once watched a sloth take 12 minutes to eat a six inch carrot. In the end, who used their time better?

It may seem different, but it's not. We sloth around, and then we sloth away. This shirt is greatness because it defines our nature. No matter what you aspire to, no matter what you believe, no matter how great you think you are, you are really just killing time. Same as our friends the sloth. At the end of all things all of us are just a couple of sloths, looking up at a starry night, searching for answers.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
on January 7, 2015
I got this shirt for my roommate as a gift. The sloth is her spirit animal, and I am very kind and thoughtful (think of a hybrid between Mother Theresa, Oprah, and J.Law). At first it was all well and good; pretty A+ present right??? WRONG. Things soon took a turn for the worst.

Every time she would wear it in public people would see it and fall in love at first sight. She started to develop a cult following. They would show up at our house at all hours of the day and night and shower her with gifts. A whole posse of sloths moved into our back yard and started to run our neighborhood like some sort of sick and twisted gang, with my roommate as their idol and leader. They terrorized me and everyone else on the block. One time they even unplugged my iPhone when it was only 98% charged!!

When I tried to approach my roommate about all of this, she just hissed at me and had her sloth posse carry me away. She later told me that I was no longer welcome in the house, and I had 12 hours to pack up my belongings and kindly leave. Apparently she needed my bedroom as overflow storage for all of her trophies and framed photos of herself. Now I am homeless, and long story short, it is 100% because of this sloth shirt. Proceed at your own risk.
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24 of 25 people found the following review helpful
on October 4, 2013
This is the greatest shirt I have ever worn. In fact, I bought a second one just so I'd have an extra because I'd die if the shirt wore out. Every day I wear this shirt is a good day. Each sloth is perfect in its own way. Whoever designed this is brilliant. Buy it!!!
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70 of 86 people found the following review helpful
on September 25, 2013
I purchased this shirt with the intent of turning it into a cutoff and wearing it when it was hot outside. NOPE. Be extremely careful while wearing this shirt outside, as sloths act like a paramone for hoes and people who want to talk to you about Reddit. I nearly cracked a rib from the sheer volume of bitches this shirt attracted during one fateful stroll in Silverlake. Wear this shirt indoors, as it is powerful and can cause injuries in the wrong hands. DO wear this shirt to job interviews, as the majesty and soothing confidence of the sloth will convince anyone that you should run their company in the image of the tranquil and mighty sloth.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
on September 6, 2013
made of good material and obviously awesome. sloths are ballers. sometimes when im outside, i like to look at the moon and ponder the wonders of the universe just like these guys
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on April 24, 2014
I was on the brink. At night I walked in dark alley just to present a target for muggers. When I'm feeling fear, at least I'm feeling something. In the day I sat at my desk and levied TPS reports, entrapped by the walls of my beige cubicle.

Mine was an empty existence. I was a shell, walking around pretending to be human. Why I didn't just end it, I'll never know. I suspect that it was too much work, and it would require too much emotion to proceed with such an act. Plus my soul was already dead, why even bother with the physical form.

Then one day while searching for prophylactics and vitamin suppositories on Amazon, I stumbled onto to three sloth moon T shirt. Peace filled my dead soul, like a well endowed lifeguard breathing life into the lungs of a drowned victim. The muscles of my fingers began to click without the thought of purchasing such a wondrous garment even entering my mind. My body knew at that moment what prescription my soul required for revival.

Wars and violence fill our mother earth. The world marches toward war and bloodshed daily. And yet a solution presents itself. I found it, on the steps outside my front door. I opened the package with trembling fingers (the very digits that had made the purchase). I pulled the shirt over my bulging muscles. A loosening sensation began to roll over my body, all the stress knots and tightness began to soften like they were being mushed out by months of therapeutic massage. I had more TPS reports due the next morning, but I saw that the park across from my house was green and inviting. I entered that park slowly looking in awe at the beautiful branches and leaves around me... I entered that park and the rest my life that day.

Pros: Provides peace, management positions at work, and a supermodel wife.
cons: Dog hair clings to the fabric.
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