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The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On

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Forget the topic of "The Thrill of the Chaste" for just a moment -- if you're reading this, you probably already have an opinion about it anyway, pro or con. This really isn't a book for single women, Catholics, or single people in general -- it's a book for anyone who craves great writing. Eden, an eloquent blogger to begin with, is an even more eloquent author when given the time and space to lay out her complete argument on the virtues of chastity. Even if you vehemently disagree with her, you owe it to yourself to read this book -- it's a case study in how to present one's thoughts on a complex subject with wit and grace.

Writing about a topic like this is tricky. The instant you say you're saving yourself for marriage, people think you're a religious nut, repressed, insane, or all three put together. One strategy is to respond with all rhetorical guns blazing, and shoot down your critics as immoral, out of touch, etc. That will win you plenty of fans -- but they'll mostly be people who already agree with you to begin with.

Eden takes the opposite tack, because she's not trying to preach to the choir -- she's trying to persuade young single women to take a second look at their behavior, and you don't succeed at that by calling them names. By calmly laying out her case and relating her own experiences, she slowly leads the reader to understand that not only is she sane, she's remarkably level-headed and serious about what she wants -- a committed marriage and a family.

We live in a society where the loudest voice usually prevails, be it on blogs or cable news shout-fests. Do yourself a favor -- read a book written by a writer who doesn't have to resort to cheap stunts to make her point. The good ones never do.

Wow! I just finished this new release by Dawn Eden and it's quite powerful.

First, let me preface that this is a book about chastity aimed especially at twenty or thirty-something women who have previously fallen for the "casual sex" dating game. In other words, this isn't one to hand to your young teenage daughter unsupervised.

With grace, good humor and a surprisingly upbeat style, Dawn, a 30-something New York journalist, shares the story of her conversion to chastity and her vision of the liberating power of faith.

She presents a compelling (and quite readable) account of the shortcomings of modern dating and the fulfilment to be found in a chaste lifestyle.

So what if you're not a woman in your 20s and you have lived chastely? Whether you're interested in better understanding those who fall into traps of modern culture or you want to pass good attitudes about sex and marriage on to your children, this book is a great read.

First of all, naturally, she's "been there" - she offers amazing insights into the insecure and often depressing world of the "modern" single woman. Her answers aren't preachy, they draw from her experience and her faith in a loving and gentle way.

The other piece, though, is that she goes way beyond arguing against this unhealthy lifestyle and a sense of opposing what is wrong. She opens up a complete vision of what is good and how to go about living "the good" in the modern world.

Though this isn't for young teens, there's so much good in it, that I plan on sharing it with my daughters some day. Perhaps we'll read it together before they go off to college. Here's a little sample:

"If your light shines through everything you do, from the greatest thing to the smallest, then it will be impossible for anyone to miss it. This is why the self-advertisement encouraged by the singles industry is counterproductive. When you focus the spotlight on yourself, no one can see how beautifully your light illuminates those around you."

In The Thrill of the Chaste, Dawn Eden provides a much-needed argument against today's "Sex and the City"-centric culture. Drawing upon her own experiences, both good and bad, Eden not only illustrates the hidden dangers of casual sex, she also provides an inspirational take on living a chaste lifestyle and how doing so will benefit oneself and one's relationships. As a 20-something female New Yorker, I found Eden's perspective relevant, refreshing, and extremely valuable.

Eden engages the reader right away with her hip yet eloquent writing. A former player in the casual sex arena that today's society so vehemently promotes, Eden is not shy about revealing her past, nor does she scold those who engage in the behavior that she has since turned from. Rather, she writes in a simple, honest manner that will immediately hit home with female readers who, having tried the "Sex and the City" approach to love and sex, are unsatisfied with the state of their own relationships and are looking for something more.

Eden's witty, often quite funny writing is grounded in her own examples, and her references to pop culture (including, of course, various "Sex and the City" episodes) make her work light and easy to relate to. She shares details about her own sexual past and the relationships that she eventually realized were so damaging, yet she does so tastefully, revealing the truth about her behavior rather than sensationalizing it. She shows first-hand how casual sex is often used in an effort to obtain a committed relationship but almost always winds up doing quite the opposite, preventing meaningful, loving relationships from being established. She clearly demonstrates the harmful effects of such cavalier attitudes toward sex, especially on women, for whom she explains that sex is by nature an intimate act meant to establish an emotional bond.

But Eden does not just limit her discussion of chastity to the pitfalls of premarital sex and the benefits of waiting. She explains how living chastely translates to every aspect of one's life, including one's dress and social activities, and how a chaste lifestyle is beneficial to both singles and married couples, successfully debunking the stereotype that chastity is only practiced by religious fanatics and those with an aversion to sexual activity.

Although Eden is never preachy or accusatory, her Christian (and predominantly Catholic) views and frequent references to Scripture may be hard to swallow for those with no religious beliefs or no desire to question the cult of casual sex. And, while men can certainly benefit from Eden's wisdom, the book's stylishly girly cover and Eden's focus on a female audience may be a turnoff to guys. However, Eden's insights on the dating world, which include an analysis of the online dating scene and valuable tips on how to branch out and meet potential mates, will be appreciated even by those who have not yet been convinced of the chaste way of life - both male and female.

Overall, Eden's book is an enlightening, inspirational read that will hopefully help to make a more conservative, respectful approach to sex and relationships popular once again. I highly recommend this book to women in their 20s and 30s who are looking for more complete and fulfilling relationships. Read The Thrill of the Chaste and share it with your friends, your sisters, and - one day - your daughters. You'll be thrilled you did.

Eden fans may also enjoy Morse's essay, Love Is Justice: An Exploration into Mankind's Fundamental Nature

I read a review of 'The Thrill of the Chaste' in Gilbert magazine some months ago. I didn't immediately buy a copy, but I kept wondering what Dawn Eden had written. When I saw her on the list of speakers at the upcoming Chesterton conference in St. Paul (June 2007), I decided I had to order one and read the book to see what makes this woman tick.

I'm sure I am not in the target demographic - young women - for this book. However, I have things in my past that I also regret. There are two things in life I have found to be painful, renewing, and most definitely worth the price: confession and forgiveness. I mean that in the sense both of confessing one's sins and forgiving others. There is a real sense of restoration, of honest humility, of being cleansed. Reading Thrill of the Chaste was much like that sort of cleansing. I kept thinking that her path, while different from mine, involved the same history of painful mistakes, redemption, and restoration.

As others have said, Dawn Eden manages to be almost excruciatingly honest without wallowing in any sort of sick attention seeking. I've said I find confession cleansing, but I am uncomfortable with publicly proclaimed confession in many cases, especially when it seems intended to draw a crowd. Ms. Eden is of course a very fine writer. The reason her book is excruciating at times is because it is so easy to see that her mistakes have been so much like ours. Sexual temptation of one kind or another seems to be almost universal. Isn't it a bracing blast of fresh air to find an author who does not worship at the altar of political correctness? Doesn't it make us stronger to refuse to buy any longer into the mass media con job that promiscuity is the meaning of life? Dawn's description of hating the obligitory shared breakfast after a one-night stand starkly contrasts the lie with a dose of reality.

I found the book terribly interesting, an excellent read.

While Ms. Eden's story is told primarily for the benefit of other women, I think it has profound implications for guys who are trying find a way out of similar meaningless sexual relationships. My life experience and that of many of the men I know, suggests that we are a major part of the problem. I suspect that should suggest we can be a part of the solution, too.

I think we men often do look at the opposite sex as a piece of meat to be devoured. In recent years, it would seem, women have begun to retaliate by being the hunters. As Ms. Eden would tell us, we both lose.

If, after reading her book, a guy can still be unconcerned about the nature of the sexual relationship he has with a woman, I believe he has cast a dark cloud over any hope for a worthwhile and meaningfull relationship. Ms. Eden presents a picture of woman that is intentionally pure and prisitine. It is as she was designed to be. Most men I know have never viewed her that way. It is in coming to that understanding that I believe this book will help us become the men we need to be.

Ms. Eden has provided me with an idylic vision of the woman I think we, as men, should aspire to become one with. So, guys, we can grow beyond the barn yard romps and become more of what we were designed to be, too. Pass this book around to your friends - male and female. We might be able to effect a change that will better our world.

I find it fascinating that not one, but two young Jewish Christian women are writing insightful books about chastity. One is Lauren Winner, the other is Dawn Eden. The title of this review refers to two paths the author claims a non-married Christian can take. We can be single, as in one who is selfishly using any means necessary to snare a person to "complete" them. Or we can be singular and guileless in our devotion to God and allow Him to handle the rest. This idea leads into the subtitle, "Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On." Ms. Eden's intent is to counteract the "Sex and the City" archetype of self-centered promiscuity with Biblical chastity.

Ms. Eden is refreshingly honest about personal relational failings and issues. For example, she reveals a deep fear of rejection that sprang from her parent's divorce. In addition, her heartbreaks demonstrate the danger of premature physical closeness. It's a false intimacy, and also a means of avoiding risk. I once dated a woman who said that getting physical helped "open doors" of relational closeness. However, after she dumped me I reflected that our make-out sessions had actually prevented true openness via conversation and shared experience. Instead of facing our fears, we took the easy way out by rolling around in silence. But as the author astutely notes, all we were doing was "shutting [each other] out." No wonder we crashed and burned.

I also liked the author's focus on the more insidious consequences of physical sin. What Christian doesn't know about STDs and unwanted pregnancy? But we don't like to be reminded that premarital sex is a betrayal of our love relationship with God. It damages intimacy with Him, as cheating does with any couple. I also appreciated her slant on the pitfalls an older single must avoid. As a forty-year-old virgin singleton, I have to be wary of despair and on guard against temptation. I've come close to premarital sex because I've felt left out of the marriage loop. I ain't getting any younger - why doesn't God just hook me up? Haven't I been faithful long enough? I don't understand His timing, but as my above experience demonstrated, blowing God off for a quick fix has never panned out for me.

However, despite Ms. Eden's admirable take on God-focused singular living, I was troubled by her stance that there's only one "right person" for each of us. It's an appealing and comforting idea, especially with the stakes involved. God certainly has the power to put eHarmony out of business, and I've heard a couple of intriguing "meet and marry" tales that smell of divine intervention. To be fair, the focus on character development and living a full life that springs from this view is a fine perspective. And she makes a compelling case for avoiding the "unequally yoked" trap.

But ultimately this deterministic angle is a feelings-based doctrine that removes personal responsibility and promotes magical thinking. Indeed, it even contradicts the author's adherence to spiritual growth through "time and prayer." Isn't it possible that sanctification prepares me to choose a spouse wisely (and makes me a good choice for the right kind of woman)? Fear of missing this mythical One can lead to the twin idolatrous pitfalls of performance-based living or obsessively setting out the fleece. Plus, it flies in the face of logic - a massive divorce rate has pretty much destroyed the possibility beyond repair. The Occam's Razor-friendly axiom "choose your love, and love your choice," has a much stronger Scriptural foundation. It directs us towards the singular long-term cultivation of character, perseverance, and relational discernment that Ms. Eden advocates. Even so, it doesn't hurt to ask Abba Father for help.

Despite some disputable theology, "The Thrill of the Chaste" is a fine addition to the singleton's library. The book's main audience is single women, but men can benefit from her insights as well (any help with understanding the estrogen crowd is always welcome). If you can only read one Jewish Christian woman's book on chastity this pay period, start with Lauren Winner's "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity." But make sure you fit this one in as well.

Dawn Eden's book is a breath of fresh air, for men and women alike. While she writes from a female perspective, guys have plenty to learn from this book as well.

Dawn shows how chastity is a better path to happiness and sexual fulfillment for women, but guys who read the book can gain an additional insight: they can learn something about the feminine heart and what the (right kind of) girl is looking for in a relationship.

Now I don't mean to sound self-serving - Dawn's book is most definitely not a "dating tips" compendium. In fact, one of her best points is that chastity teaches guys and girls how to treat one another not as objects to be used, but as mysteries to truly love.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has done the dating thing and found it frustrating (which is probably most of us), and is looking for something more. Whether you're a guy or girl, Dawn has something important and beautiful to say to you!

I read "The thrill of the Chaste" and as I did, I became increasingly uncomfortable.

Good.

Dawn has taken on popular opinion that was adopted by Baby Boomers, then Generation X, then Generation Y, and now into the future - an opinion that is based in moral relativism and a mentality that we all need to be "true" to ourselves. Popular culture has told us that we are free! from outdated rules and that we can now "explore" our sexuality without fear of the guilt that plagued our mothers and grandmothers.

However, what we find in Dawn's work is that the empirical data does not bear this out. While some may be free of the guilt, we are not free from the consequences and the ultimate irony is met - in "making love" to gain love we instead find no love.

Of course, what makes it uncomfortable to read "The Thrill of the Chaste" is to see that we were never "making love" and gaining that intimacy women want by jumping into bed. There was no freedom at all - rather, there is enslavement to desperation, cynicism, and objectification.

My own discomfort was in recognizing a younger version of myself who, thankfully, came to the realization that such behavior was destructive and followed a course in line with Dawn. Because of that, I am a happier person. I enjoy a strong marriage. I have two great kids. I enjoy a freedom from doubt that my man loves me, from fear of an STD, and loneliness exacerbated by a feeling that I am unloveable.

But there is discomfort all the same, since the popular opinion under attack by Dawn remains, indeed, popular. Now I have to worry about my children and its influence on them. There are friends I see who are following that destructive course.

Thank God for women like Dawn Eden who are not afraid to speak the truth. This book depicts an ugly landscape in the dating scene of New York City, but it also provides a beacon by which a person can travel through the muck and mire and come out with dignity and integrity intact. If you know someone who might be making that trip - a high schooler, a young person off to college, someone coming out of a marriage after a divorce, or even someone who may need to gain an understanding of the "dating scene" and pressures it brings (e.g., counselor, clergy, parent) - give them this book.

I picked this book up at the suggestion of a leader in my church and found it to be an interesting read. Recently divorced and tired of dating that goes nowhere, I saw a lot of parallels between my own choices and the writer's. Living chastely is sometimes a tough and lonely road, but the rewards will be great and the writer does a good job in pointing this out. This may very well be a book I give my daughter to read in a few years, to help her understand the different sides of the coin when she is faced with making a chaste decision. I think this is a good book for anyone considering a chaste lifestyle and have already recommended it to a couple of my girlfriends.

February 26, 2008
Dawn Eden is an imaginative and colorful writer who knows how many examples to balance in tandem with the principles she cleverly intertwines. She addresses the major elements in explicating the Christian/natural moral insights she has discerned through both her own dead-end experiences and her thoughtful reading, discussion and reflection. Weaving her personal examples, attitudinal changes in her life-style with her creative writing avoids a dread text-bookishness and provides the reader with numerous peaks of relaxed entertainment. Thought the theme is undoubtedly contra-cultural, as Christian morality can be in our amgiguous times, she is in step with those who have an ability to exercise light-hearted humility and a good journalists sense of humor with a profoundly serious discussion on complex emotions and reasonable analysis.