Customer Reviews

Till There Was You - An Adoption Expectancy Journal

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

TILL THERE WAS YOU is a personal adoption journal that would make a great gift for friends who are contemplating forming a family through adoption. And if you're considering the adoption option, give it to yourself! As an adoptive mother and support group facilitator, I worried at first that Rebecca Lyn Gold's discussion of the pre-adoption period as a "pregnancy" was just another all-too-frequent denial by adoptive parents of the unique aspects of adoption. Not so! Gold examines, through her own poignant journal entries and those of other adoptive parents, the pivotal issues that must be explored in order to parent with acceptance and love a child to whom one did not give birth. In "First Trimester," she reflects upon questions dealing with the resolution of infertility issues. I especially identified with the entry about how to handle the reactions of friends. Adoption is "a life choice," Gold concludes. "And if I am to love that child, I am to love every part of him or her. So I better figure out how to talk about adoption to anyone and everyone, as easily as I will talk about potty training when that question comes up." Perhaps Gold's designation of the waiting period faced by adoptive parents as a "pregnancy" will help lessen for others the envy I felt for my pregnant friends. During the "second trimester," Gold questions who the adopted child will be to the adoptive parents and the extended family. In a tender section called, "Visualize Your Child," Gold identifies with the trauma of the newborn who perceives body rhythms, voices, and language unlike those experienced in the womb. In considering a child from another culture, Gold asks, "Who am I to rob this baby of her natural born heritage and force her to live within mine?" The questions are significant ones which Gold handles with awareness and sensitivity. Gold's "third trimester" occurs with no due-date. ("Whether or not you've ever had a 'weight' problem, you've got one now... all you can do is WAIT," she quips.) This is a time to "welcome the child into your life and your family before she arrives." Gold writes a touching poem to her yet unborn baby: "I am nine months pregnant in my heart and ready to explode with all the love I pray you'll ever need," she writes. "I crave to hold you in my arms, To touch your little toes and kiss you behind your knees." In her own "Dear Baby" letter, Gold's daughter concludes, "We're all anxiously waiting for your arrival. I love you. Your big sister, Nisha." After Gold talks about preparing the baby's room and home ("Nesting" she calls it.), she shares the reflections of her husband and other adoptive parents during this period of waiting. "Do whatever it takes to make it feel REAL," she advises. Finally, there's "The Big Day." The arrival of one's child is a miracle fraught with conflicting emotions. Gold reflects upon her own feelings of joy intermingled with empathy for the beautiful woman who entrusted her baby to Gold and her husband. In a poignant entry called, "First Night," she tells her beloved Camila what every adopted child must hear repeatedly throughout a lifetime: "I know if things were different, Camila, she would have wanted to keep you and watch you grow up. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves you very, very much." Throughout, Camila's welfare ranks first to her adoptive parents, as well it should. TILL THERE WAS YOU, lovingly dedicated to "my daughter's birthmother," is laced with touching photographs taken by the author and others depicting parents and children of different ethnic backgrounds. They bring a smile and feeling of warmth to the reader. In addition, Gold shares the expertise of the therapist whom she consulted during her "pregnancy." Throughout the book are numerous pages for the reader's own journal entries. My disappointments? I'd like to have read Gold's personal adoption story first, to place her meditations in clearer context. Instead, she provides ten pages of narrative toward the end of the book. I also found myself wishing that more careful proofreading and copy editing had occurred to avoid the distraction of missing words and grammatical errors. But perhaps the relaxation of such imposed standards encourages the reader to write reflections without worrying about the unnecessary distraction of "correctness." I found the section "Parenting an Adopted Child" a disappointment because it provided none of the specific understandings that adoptive parents need to help their children accomplish the unique developmental tasks that adoptees must accomplish to grow up with self-esteem. But after all, that information really doesn't fall within the confines of TILL THERE WAS YOU. Instead, I challenge Gold to follow the same format as she parents her precious Camila and to provide a sequel to this important publication.

As a therapist having read this book I highly recommend it to anyone considering adoption, or who have adopted children in the past, or are adopted children. This book is not only a journal for someone to use but also a glimpse into one woman's heart and mind as she made life altering decisions. Gold's account brought tears to my eyes as I read of her emotions, and the emotions of her family as they struggled through the long road to adoption. I am an individual and family therapist and it is always refreshing to read of someone who puts family above all else. Children are the future of our world and making the life of a child better by offering love is a great gift to society that Gold, her husband, and her daughter have given the world.

This book helps bring your pregancy to life. It reminds couples that they are not the first to be expecting without an outward sign. It allows couples to include their soon to be birth parent/s of their one day son or daughter actively in thier everday life. This book reminded us that Stage 1 is the longest and does not last forever. Rebecca Gold speaks form the heart. This book adds much insight and encouragement to adoptive families. This book should be the adoptive parent hand book. Thank you, Thank you for sharing your "pregancy". THANK-YOU again.

I like the idea of recording feelings and thoughts prior to the day the baby arrives and marvel why my husband and I hadn't done so. I wish we had had a book like this or Kirsten Davis's Waiting for You: An Heirloom Adoption Journal for My Future Child. I think Rebecca Gold's likening the pre-adoption waiting period to a "pregnancy" should not be misinterpreted as a denial that adoptive parenting is different from biological parenting but rather as a clever literary device or at any rate as a time of reflection of sorting out, during each trimester, the issues of infertility, the complexities of entitlement and the final hours of waiting. I personally never tried to deny that our daughter was given birth by another woman but can confess this much: My excitement during the year of waiting and then, in the end of sitting by the telephone waiting for our agency to inform us of the birth---all this turmoil made me experience what I can only classify as first stage labor pains!
Of course, not everyone who adopts is married and not everyone adopts an infant, and so Rebecca Gold's book may for some readers not be general enough. But then, it is not possible to please everyone by including all aspects of adoption.

Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?

This journal is a MUST have for those waiting to be matched with their forever child. It helps validate the waiting period, and is nice to reflect upon after placement.

it isn't what i thought it would be. not sure if i will give it to the prospective parents like i thought i would

Great book! This book has lots of helpful information for anyone adopting. The reason I didn't give it 5 starts is because of the sections where you can use it to record your own journey. I found some of the language kind of cheesy and narrow. Not all adopting people are married and adopting infants. The cover has a picture of a cute Asian baby, but again, very limiting in scope. I would highly recommend this book for anyone wanting to gain info and support, but would recommend they might keep looking to find a book to put in the family's hopechest.