Customer Reviews

The Time Machine Did It

5 star:		(28)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

How often does a book make you laugh out loud? Never, that's how often. But this book made me laugh out loud at least three times on every page, 500 laughs in all. It's the story of the world's stupidest detective, who gets hold of a time machine, and winds up being beaten up and shot at by everyone in history. Swartzwelder's writing is reminiscent of Douglas Adams or the early Max Shulman, but amazingly he's funnier than either of them.

Swartzwelder has apparently written 59 episodes of the Simpsons. I can believe it. Only that show can match him for sheer density of great, great jokes.

One reviewer wrote, "Worth a read, but I'm not sure if it's worth $15..." Let me say that I am sure it's worth $15. For the small investment of $15, you get at least $16 worth of laughs. Maybe $18. And with the cost of laughs going through the roof these days, that's a bargain.

Classic Swartzwelder-ian storytelling about sucky detective Frank Burly who's hired by a homeless man to find out why he went to bed last night in his mansion a millionaire and woke up this morning flat broke in a cardboard box.

Highly imaginative, better than "Double Wonderful" and twice as funny, I had to put the book down about eight times cause I was laughing so hard. If you love "The Simpsons" then I'm sure you'll get a kick out of this.

This is funny. That's all it's trying to be, and I think it succeeds. The "story" revolves around a clumsy, slightly dull-witted detective and his pursuit of a stolen time machine. Of course, that description might fool you into thinking there's an actual storyline going on. But there isn't. Pretty much everything just happens with no real logic or even any attempt at logic. It is only a story in the loosest sense of the term.

Instead, it's mostly an excuse to throw jokes at the reader. One right after the other. While I usually find funny books a bit trying, I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Perhaps because of its short length it didn't wear out its welcome. Perhaps it's just funnier than they normally are.

If you're interested in reading something odd that doesn't ask much of you other than a willingness to smile, then this is your book.

I'm not really sure the time machine actually did it, but it was at least an accessory-after-the-fact. John Swartzwelder has woven a unique tale of self-deprecation, inept and corrupt cops and robbers, bar brawls, and several trips through time. Just let yourself slip into the unique Tao of Frank Torgeson, Junior's universe. Frank, a.k.a. the inimitable Frank Burly, private detective, explores his universe unbounded by the rules of ours. So grab a briefcase and give chase - this universe is both very funny and very different, and very much the same as ours - all in ways that will stick with you long after you've put this little gem down. Little bits of truth will drag you back to our universe ("Once you've been the center of attention, it's hard to go back to being one of the guys in the corner."), but you won't stay long, because Burley's universe has a whole different Yin and Yang. Or does it? How about this line from a comedy writer: "I mean, I wasn't really trying to entertain anybody, I was just trying, in my own way, to escape." But there is no escape... not for you, or for any of your 14 accidental clones. Be careful. After all the goofiness, you may actually find you self thinking about this one.

John Swartzwelder, notoriously reclusive Simpsons scribe, is known for penning some of that show's funniest and most culturally pointed episodes. He is capable of being absurd without succumbing to plot-driven idiocy and able to nestle high-brow-rising humor next to the goofiest of puns without skipping a beat. Few of the show's current writers can boast his kind of output, whether you're measuring it by episode or by how many gags he can fit into any given minute.

His books (four so far) don't try to follow coherency as much as his work on The Simpsons. Instead, he uses the medium as a forum for his stream-of-consciousness wise-cracking. Mass by volume, these slim tomes have the same silly density as his episodes, even if they sprawl ten times as much. For the most part, Swartzwelder sticks to the same basic formula that made his shows a success: a fat and idiotic central character gets into all manner of monkey-shines and comes out mostly unchanged. Instead of Homer, though, our main man is called Frank Burly.

THE TIME MACHINE DID IT
Frank Burly introduces us to his unlikely career as a private eye. Although his primary talents are screwing things up and getting beaten on a regular basis, he ends up with a fairly important case. A bum claims that he used to be a millionaire, but criminals with a time machine retroactively stole his wealth. Burly's in over his head (heck, this guy gets in over his head just trying to tie his shoes), but that doesn't stop him from barreling headfirst into the mystery and subsequently making it messier and harder to solve. Quickly written, hastily plotted, and genuinely funny, this is one of the few books I've ever read that's gotten me to laugh out-loud, and on a regular basis. 5 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his imprisonment and torture by the criminals -- "I held up under all this pretty well. I was sleeping like a baby -- waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants."

DOUBLE WONDERFUL
Swartzwelder makes a mistake. Instead of one central character with the brains of a dusty cactus, he creates an entire town of them. The citizens of the Wild West town of Slackjaw are having economic troubles. Part of their problem is that the "wild" in their western town is missing; it's a pretty boring place, plus it exists in the shadows of the world-renowned Double Wonderful ranch, run by a wealthy couple who are so perfect, God owes them favors. They try desperately to bring fame and/or notoriety to their little corner of the world, but most of their ideas are pretty lame (encourage bandits to rob them, hang the mayor, etc.). They eventually get their wish, and it's mildly amusing, but the scattered scope of the story's lunacy and its slap-dash conclusion are pretty harried. You won't laugh as much as you'll roll your eyes. Not bad; not great. Notable mainly because the story's central theme (the horrifying price of fame) gives you some real clues as to why Mr. Swartzwelder himself so adamantly chooses to stay out of the spotlight. 3 Stars. MOST SELF-REFERENTIAL LINE: "...Buntline said that short books were the best selling kind ... That's what the reading public wanted in a book these days, he said. They wanted to get as close as possible to not reading at all."

HOW I CONQUERED YOUR PLANET
Swartzwelder, catching on, brings Frank Burly back to the fore. He's still a private detective, he's still pretty bad at it, and he's still stumbling backwards into strange cases (and sometimes plate glass windows). This time the case may have something to do with Martians. Or maybe it's Neptunians. They're both very similar, as far as aliens look, although it's harder to pronounce the word "Neptunians." While going about his daily routine of getting in the way of things, Frank ends up alienating (nyuk, nyuk) all sorts of planetary species. And, of course, he conquers your planet. Not as consistent as "Time Machine," but much sharper than "Double Wonderful." 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly, on his new alien secretary -- "...I discovered that I had hired a surprisingly dedicated secretary, who listened in on my phone calls, patted down my visitors, looked through my desk for me each morning before I got in, even appeared in my dreams taking notes."

THE EXPLODING DETECTIVE
Frank Burly's back, this time augmenting his act with a mostly-malfunctioning jetpack. His inability to steer is overshadowed, however, by his ability to withstand multiple explosive collisions, and he becomes something of a superhero. The new title doesn't fit him so well, because it requires that he get up before noon and commit all kinds of acts, most of them selfless and painful. He ends up getting involved in a battle against a super villain, a washed up James Bond type, and another time machine. Although this book is as funny as the previous, it makes it obvious that, while Burly's adventures through time and space are all well and good, Swartzwelder might do well to actually keep his gags confined to the realm of detective work. I doubt it took the man longer than a couple of days to write any of these books, but this is the first time I felt it really showed. 4 Stars. FAVORITE LINE: Frank Burly has infiltrated a Secret Club for Super Villains, searching for his would-be assassin -- "I continued around the room ... making it sound like I was a new member who was just making conversation. "Have you been trying to kill me?" I would ask, casually. "I'm just curious. Or we could talk about the weather, if you like. The weather's been trying to kill me too.'"

I tracked down this book after listening to The Simpsons DVD commentaries and I'm glad I did. Swartzwelder has a deranged sense of humor that I happen to love. Read this carefully and laugh out loud.

I'm a HUGE fan of the Simpsons. But forty pages into this book I realized this kind of humor is A LOT funnier as a cartoon. I just found it frustrating how senseless and absurd the whole story is. It's like having to read a Leslie Neilson spoof. I just got tired of characters with two brain cells. There's no straight man to anchor the insanity. Every character is as brain dead as the main character Burley. It's too much like having to read a Looney Toons cartoon. I recommend you pick up Chris Genoa's "FOOP" instead. It's just as funny as this book, but much smarter.

A truly inspired, funny little novel from comedy great John Swartzwelder.

It involves the worst detective in the city (you'd have to be pretty desparate to hire him as you'd pass 3 other better detectives in the same building on the way to him) trying to solve a crime that will push his already limited talents to their limits. His name: Frank Burly (well, not really, but that does describe him well), a perfect send-up of those tough, quick-witted detectives you find in other mysteries.

Burly may be tough (well, pretty tough; he can take a beating, anyway) but he sure isn't quick-witted. He wants to come up with the snappy one-liners but ends up just staring at the person at which he's trying to crack wise. So when you have somebody like that trying to deal with something like time travel, you end up with very funny consequences.

Not only that but the book is simply packed, and I mean STUFFED, with hilarity on every page. Swartzwelder is an endless fountain of comedy about everything imaginable.

Satirizing mystery, science-fiction and all of history, this book will have you laughing uproariously.

If you've ever laffed even once at The Simpsons, Robert Benchley, S.J. Perelman, P.G.Wodehouse, Thorne Smith, Mark Twain, John Cleese, Raymond Chandler, Wilson Mizener or Spike Milligan, you'll laff at this book a lot more because it's a lot funnier than all of the above. It's even funnier than John Swartzwelder is most of the time. Hint: Do not read this book while drinking milk. You'll blow over a gallon of milk out of your nose. This happened to me.