Customer Reviews

Tired of Trying to Measure Up: Getting Free from the Demands, Expectations, and Intimidation of Well-Meaning People

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I am shocked that not more people have taken the time to write a review for this piece of essential literature in the area of Christian counseling. I see that many more have written for the original edition of the book and because of this I struggled with which one to get. So I got both. There is little difference between the editions but the additional material found here is helpful. I recommend this one. It takes nothing away from the original which was nothing short of a masterpiece. The bottom line is I shouldn't need to say anything in this review to convince you to buy this book. You already know it's for you cause you were led to it. That should be evidence enough of it's relevance to you. The truth is I got more help from this one book then I did the 25 before it I had read and I wish I had saved all that money. I can not overstate the value of the information and the help found in this book. It holds the most comprehensive set of answers to the issue of laborious, burdened, heavy-laden and even burnt out service for the walk of the Christian man or woman in the Body of Christ. I am convinced that all problems associated with the Body of Christ are rooted in the dysfunction that is detailed here. And he gives nothing short of the miracle solution, which is THE GRACE OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST...everything is scripturally grounded and doctrinally sound. I don't think anything more is needed to be said. Begin your road to recovery from the hardship and burdensome service you've be given to and find GRACE again in the Christian life you either never knew or remember to be true from times long past. buy it now. DON'T WAIT. It was that important a resource to me...

Do you know Gods will for your life? Do you beleive that you are performing in a way that is pleasing to God? Do you read your bible enough? Are you attending a healthy church? Do you feel like you've tried everything to get closer to God but something is still missing? Do you feel guilty alot?
Jeff VanVonderen adresses all these questions in this book and more. In this book he helps people to identify their feelings of shame. In the second chapter he gives a list of traits about how you relate to yourself.
1. You have a "Shame-Based" identity. You suffer from low self esteem, or a negative self-concept.
2. You are highly performance-conscious. You can't work for God's acceptance.
3. You don't know yourself very well. You've been made to feel ashamed for having needs, feelings, opinions, or struggles.
4. You are frequently unaware of your own feelings. You do everything you can to avoid stressfull situations.
5. You have a tendency to be idolatrous. This means basing your sense of life, value and acceptance on something other than God.
6. You have a high level of anxiety.
7. You are wounded. You've been shamed out of talking about your problems.
8. You are tired. The survival techniques that you have implemented to show others how good you are doing are tiring you out.
I think most people like myself just continue to plod along in a rut. We don't know that there is something better out there. Eventually we burn out playing the church game. The burn out is caused by one of the above categories. In the book he helps you to identify the causes of these shame based mind sets and how you can change to finding the abundance that God intended for you. God's Grace is sufficient and there is nothing we can do to earn it. My life has been enriched by the insights revealed in this book.

Many well meaning, and sometimes not so well meaning people put heavy burdens on people that God never gave you. This book exposes much of that abuse and explains how to live free of that guilt.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years. This book has done a good job of helping me recognize the shame those who love me most have heaped upon me over the years, "For my own good." As I have begun to put everything into greater perspective, I am gaining a sense of empowerment. God has always been there for me but I am able to see more clearly His purpose for me that is so much greater than anything I could accomplish while I was beat down. I have found a new church that allows members to serve based on where God has called them to service vs. allowing the most "obedient" members of serve. The anxiety is slowly decreasing allowing me to sleep at night much better. I am a big fan of Jeff VanVonderen's books.

Excellent book. Really shows how to get your life in order and stop trying to live to others standards.

I've been a Christian 47 years. Praise God for the reminder that eternal life is all about Jesus and His followers' position in Him. Thank you, Jesus!

This book is an excellent resource for helping to understand how our early upbringing has dramatic effects upon us. It is well written and well worth reading. Although it covers some psychological aspects, it by far helps one to understand the need for grace and not our own striving. It is a book that is rather short, but that makes it easy to go back and read it again and again to get the maximum benefit.