Customer Reviews

Tired of Trying to Measure Up

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book will help to set you free from legalism and the shame of rejection by other people. Jeff Vanvondren clearly explains the reason for shame, using examples from his own life experience. I highly recommend this book. It should be read by anyone struggling with religion, God, rejection, shame, or any kind of dysfunctional background. It is especially helpful to those who have been mistreated in a church or religous setting. This book is timely, relevent, and offers practical solutions. Due to the nature of the subject matter, this book is not light reading. Instead, it is worthwhile, thought provoking, and will prove to offer lasting help to those who read it. More than mere inspiration, and even more than compassionate encouragement, this book is truly life-changing.

Jeff explains his concept of "a shame based society" as one in which "performance" is the key to acceptance. The problem with shame based societies (whether they be at home, work or church) is that they lead to legalism. Jesus came to do away with legalism....the free gift of grace. Jeff then explains three cycles we all need to understand: 1. The TRY HARD cycle where by shear will we try to measure up. 2. The GIVE UP cycle where (after trying hard) we give up due to absolute failure 3. The RELAX cycle....let Jesus do the work in you.

This is an excellent book!

Reading this book has been both painful and lifechanging for me. I have struggled for almost all my Christian life with shame and feeling like I'm never good enough. I could identify so much with the section on shame based relating. This book not only helps you pinpoint the problem, but also offers sensible, down to earth solutions. For the first time, I have come to believe, deep down in my heart, that God's love and acceptance of me is not based on my performance. I can't even begin to describe all the ways that God has used this book in my life. If you struggle with feelings of never measuring up, shame and feeling like you have to earn God's approval, do yourself a favor. Order this book.

The truth in this book freed me! This is the most life transforming book I have ever read. The author's style is very straightforward and very truth-telling. He does not just quote scripture, but his work is really Biblically based. But if you are not a Christian, it is for you too - not "preachy". I have new joy and peace, and am off the "try hard" treadmill, as a result of the truth I found in this book. If you have read other books, and are still "searching", this one is a must. I almost didn't get it because I have bought so many books on trying to enjoy life, but this one truly made the difference for me. I'll be rereading it and recommending it to everyone I know!

This book deals powerfully with the shame and pain that can be experienced in, and caused by, relationships. It helps the reader to see when s/he is not the source or cause of shame (feeling inadequate and defective), and provides insight as to why many shaming messages are unfounded. This, therefore, eliminated the pain caused by shame. I had to read this book cover to cover twice over to get as much as I did out of it, and originally thought it a five star book. Not, I would honestly give it 20 stars out of 5. VERY helpful.

I heard about this book at a time when I was being overwhelmed by the pain of my past. At first, I didn't think I had shame. But as I read this book for the second time, it changed my life.Through Jeff's honesty and compassion (having walked this road himself) I was finally able to feel that someone understood what was raging inside of me and he gave me permission to rest.......what I needed most He told me it was OK to feel what I was feeling...at last someone could identify what I couldn't seem to verbalize.
I have been and still am in therapy, but this book was a catalyst in my understanding of who I am, how I got this way, and how to get better. If you are struggling emotionally, even if you think that this book won't help you, take the chance. Don't deprive yourself of something that could be the best $10 you ever spent.......your emotional well being is priceless.

Do you ever get tired of dealing with people who always seem to find a way, or ways, of reminding you that you're not good enough, because you're not just like them? This book gives extremely sound, Biblically based guidelines as to where others end, and where you begin, and the safe space that SHOULD exist in between, known as boundaries. It helps readers learn how to hold others accountable to these boundaries, and how to indicate to others that their behavior is abusive. It also teaches on how to hold others accountable to respecting those boundaries, and how to make it clear to others how they have very inappropriately crossed that line. This book has touched my life in such a way that few books have ever come close.

I bought this book a week ago, and have been so touched by everything in it! If you struggle with perfectionism, and lowself-esteem because of always trying to "measure up", you'll be blessed by this book. The author is a pastoral counselor, and has worked with many people who had similiar struggles. AND - he's also had the same struggles himself. He speaks honestly, humorously and bluntly. This book is a great tool for getting your life back on a more healthy track. Great book.

This book was recommended to me several years ago when I was going through some extremely horrible situations with coming out of a borderline cult and dealing with some of the radical movements and teachings that are out there these days.

The book really helped me sort out a lot of things and helped me understand the difference between trying to find life through our works (either 'positive' religious activities or 'negative' sinful fulfilment), and the realization that Christ is our true source life.

He also alludes to how we try to rely on other people as our source of life. We place great demands on our spouse, kids, and others and expect them to give us what only Christ can fulfill.

A true classic for getting away from the performance treadmill and learning the sufficiency and completeness of accepting Christ. I really ought to read it again.

Please get this book. I also recommend Dudley Hall's "Grace Works".

Has this guy been reading my mail? This book gets specific and deals with common scenarios--not just the way-out stuff. Six stars!