Customer Reviews

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book is a practical, upbeat guide for parents who have adopted a child who is old enough to carry with them the weight of past experiences and the loss of former attachments (or the hurt of lack of attachments) yet are not old enough to express their emotions or memories in a way that can help their new parents help them. Hopkins-Best has helped unravel some of the mysteries that come with toddlers with a "past". I found her approach extremely helpful with our Romanian son adopted recently at the age of 34 months. I learned that some of the eating problems were actually rooted in attachment problems and that I had been handling the outbursts at the table in exactly the wrong way. Within days of changing my reaction his behavior improved dramatically. I wish I had read the book before I adopted a toddler, but I'm glad I read it soon after or we may have had a much longer struggle with attachment. I would consider this "required reading" for anybody looking to adopted a child over the age of one year.

Being able to watch for attachment and bonding issues really helped all of us become a family. The information on adopting a toddler, the agency gave us was miniscule in comparison to what is avaliable in this book .
We knew we might end up with a Toddler eventho our child was assigned to us when she was 9 months old. She was 23 months old when we got her home! I think the author prepares you for the worst that could happen in toddler adoption. I hope she comes out with a 2nd edition including more happy stories. Our daughter transitioned better than my highest expectations. My expectations were lowered after reading Toddler Adoption. All in all that was a good thing.
I sometimes wonder if being prepared changed our handling of situations, thus allowing us to facillitate her transition and bonding.
Because of the information in this book, We choose to travel to pick up our daughter and, we were better prepared for the "rejection phase".
This book was useful in stopping overbearing well wishers from becoming annoying. I actually handed this book to my neighbor open to the section on bonding, while she was being intrusive the first week our daughter was home.
It was a back up to my words of "no you may not feed her".
It also helped both sets of grandparents prepare for the inital visit with the newest addtion to the family.
Read the book, but don't think "This will happen to me". Rather think these things could happen but I can shorten the amount of time they take.

Well, if you were thinking of adopting a toddler, this book should certainly cure you of that idea. If you already have your paperwork in, do yourself a favor and read this book AFTER the child comes home. I was looking for a book that would have practical solutions to everyday problems..for example: What are the best ways to ease the child into daycare? What have some other parents done to solve behavioral problems such as biting? How do we help build relationships amongst siblings? This book lists an awful lot of problems, but is very scant on both solutions and anecdotes.One would get the idea that most adopted toddlers are an absolute mess (in fact, it suggests that it they're NOT a mess, then there's something definitely wrong with them). When you announce your intent to adopt, you're going to get enough nay-saying from your "friends", family, co-workers (and complete strangers)! You don't need this book to add to that!

Hopkins-Best has penned a must-read book for anyone considering adopting a child older than an infant. My interest lies in adopting children who are school aged, but I still found many relevant bits of advice in this book. Discussing the feelings of everyone involved one gets the feeling that Hopkins-Best has truly "done her homework" and indeed, being the mother of a little boy adopted from Brazil as a toddler, she has.

I read this book after having returned from Kazakhstan with our 11 month old son. While I agree with a couple of the other reviewers that it could be a bit depressing at times, I also found it to be a very valuable tool in helping me assess some of my son's behaviors and recognize what might be adoption related versus typical toddler behavior. There were many valuable suggestions for those with toddlers who are dealing with emotional trauma. This book is not for the faint of heart, but those who have the courage to read it pre-adoption and use it to help evaluate their prospective child might find it is the best resource they have access to.

The book is a very compassionate look at both toddlers in need of stable, permanent homes and the parents who adopt these wonderful kids. It tackles all aspects of both the problems these families face, as well as the joys, in a down-to-earth, easy to understand way. I read the book in 3 days, and loved it enough to read it again. I know that as my son grows and flourishes, I will owe part of his success, as well as a part of mine as a parent, to this book.

We've had our son in a pre-adoptive placement for 8 months. We read this book before (and checked it often) after he came home to us. I beleive the auther gave very realistic expectations for the grief/bonding process experienced by children who are adopted as toddlers.

To respond to some of the previous reviews, some of the author's comments could be seen as negative, but I truly believe she is giving a realistic picture of what life post-adoption could be like. She and her family adopted a toddler and she definitely is encouraging of others to do so, but she wants to help prepare parents for the transition.

Our son spend months afraid to leave us, hiding under tables if we said we needed to leave to go somewhere, clinging to me when taken to the nursery at church. Then he spent much time saying "you're my mama!" and "I love you, mom!" Once he was feeling more secure with us, he wanted to share that with us verbally. This book helped us look for and recognize positive bonding signs.

In addition, my husband and I went through a roller-coaster of emotions post-placement and this book helped us to realize that our feeling were normal and healthy. Our other children were also helped by this book in that we were more attuned to their needs/confusions as well.

Also, for those who said you can't send letter/items, etc to children in international adoptions, perhaps you can not. However, her ideas for sharing pictures, drawings, letters, etc, are very applicable to foster/adoption placements. We loved making our scrapbook for our son and his foster family enjoyed reading and looking at it with him.

Overall, I found this book to be very informative and helpful.

We looked everwhere for information on the adoption of toddlers and there was none to be found. Toddlers are a special age and need guidance that is different from infants or even older children. This resource is a valuble tool that has been referred to since the day it was received in the mail. We only wish we had ordered it sooner. The preplacement information is beneficial for the adoption of children of all ages. Thank you Amazon!

A number of people in the adoption forum that I participate in found this book to be depressing but worth the read. I would agree. This isn't the sort of topic that you want to treat lightly or have an unrealistic approach about. However, at one point in the adoption process my husband hid the book from me because it was upsetting me so much. I would encourage reading this book but only as a *part* of your research since it does seem to emphasize the worst case scenarios.

I consider myself a very down to earth person and the type of person who would likely over-think or over-prepare for something rather than be illequiped. So when I read other reviews on this book saying it was negative I though that they were perhaps mis-judging it. I was wrong. My husband and I soon started referring to this book as, "Why Adopting A Toddler will ruin your life and theirs". I have to agree whole heatedly with another person who stated that if you are planning to adopt a toddler that you should wait to read this book until after you have brought your child home.

Having said that, I do think that this book is worth a read and did give some great advice about how to transition the child from their foster or institutional life to home life and some things too look for as sign of negative or positive development. I did feel a bit like the author dumped a whole load of negative on you and then tied a neat little bow at the end saying that really it was worth it which seemed a bit like too little too late after hearing stories of children who tried to claw their parents eyes out or who did not bond with their parents for 8 years and would scream 10-20 hours a day or not respond at all.

I guess in short I have mixed feelings. There was some great information but the book, which I read while waiting for my referral, was so over-whelming that I think a lot of the good tips are lost on me or forgotten because I just tried to get through the book as quickly as possible, like watching a horror movie, and at this stage I am not willing to go back through it to find the gems that made it worth a reading.