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Together Forever: Gay and Lesbian Couples Share Their Secrets for Lasting Happiness Paperback – May 18, 1999


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Just because gay men and lesbians are denied the right to get married under the law does not mean that there have not been gay "marriages": committed, sustained, emotional and physical relationships. In Together Forever, journalist Eric Marcus interviews 40 gay and lesbian couples who have maintained decades-long relationships and presents us with a complex tapestry of love, desire, and friendship that is as stirring as it is heartwarming, as invigorating as it is moving. While Together Forever contains much of what you might expect--coming-out stories, meeting-cute stories, tales of horrific homophobic cruelty, and just-folks-at-home images--Marcus is an astute enough writer and interviewer that the individual tales are always surprising. He is also not a single-minded booster for idealized, perfect relationships. Many of the couples here talk about their hard times with one another as well as their struggles with work and family. A compelling theme running through the book is how sexuality shapes and informs long term relationships. Questions of fidelity, open relationships, and monogamy surface in these interviews, discussed with honesty and a rare understanding and compassion. Written with a incisive eye for detail and an ear for the quirky phase and insight, Together Forever is a welcomed addition to the ever-increasing wealth of materials on the complexity and courage of gay and lesbian relationships. --Michael Bronski --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"A complex tapestry of love, desire, and friendship that is as stirring as it is heartwarming, as invigorating as it is moving--written with an incisive eye for detail and an ear for the quirky phrase and insight. "
--Michael Bronski, Amazon. com
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Anchor; Reprint edition (May 18, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0385488769
  • ISBN-13: 978-0385488761
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.7 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.9 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,005,191 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful By D. Tussey on May 26, 1998
Format: Hardcover
Eric Marcus proves once again that strong, loving relationships between people, are the same regardless of the gender of the couple. This book was a pleasure to read because it gave an honest glimpse into the lives of couples who have spent many years loving one another in spite of a sometimes disapproving world. I found many of the comments and responses of the couples to be very touching. Love is love is love.
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Format: Paperback
As a 28-year-old in my first year of a same-sex marriage, I found that, after marriage, I had a lot of unexpected emotions and fears to deal with. As someone who doesn't have close connections to many long-together couples--and no same-sex ones--, I didn't have many places to turn to for advice and perspective.

So I started reading. This was the third book I read, after "Lesbian Couples" and "Permanent Partners" (both of which I'd recommend).

If you're gay or lesbian, read this book. There aren't enough stories out there yet about the lives of 30+-year-old gay/lesbian folks, never mind long-lasting couples who've seen decades pass together. It would be easy to believe they just don't exist (though the passage of marriage laws has seen more and more older couples in the media, as they choose to put the official social seal on knots tied long ago). It was enormously reassuring to me to read about couples made up of many different kinds of people who've lived very different sorts of lives and developed many different ways to live together, combine (or not) finances, have sex, share dreams, storm through fights, support each other in illness, and weather disappointments and changes.

Any straight person who thinks the dynamics of a same-sex relationship are vastly, immeasurably, inconceivably alien should read this book, too. I'm almost certain different-sex married couples would find a great deal that rings familiar to them here.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Jayne on January 2, 2003
Format: Paperback
To be able to find that special someone in the sea of crowds & fall in love it's a beautiful thing. What makes it even better is that these love stories last through the years. Dispite being in a sometimes discriminating society when it comes to gender issues, I applaud all the couples who have made it this far and to more years to come.
Through all the individual stories I read, I smile, I cried. Most importantly, I began to believe in love again.
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0 of 2 people found the following review helpful By James L. Park on September 24, 2010
Format: Paperback
Eric Marcus
Together Forever:
Gay and Lesbian Marriage

(New York: Anchor/Doubleday, 1998) 347 pages
(ISBN: 0-385-48875-0; hardback)
(Library of Congress call number: HQ76.3.U5M354 1998)

This book is based on interviews with 40 couples
who had been together at least 9 years
in what they described as a happy relationship
--20 gay male couples and 20 lesbian couples.
The over-all impression is that these are quite ordinary relationships.
The major themes: how they met; starting the relationship;
differences in life-style and personality; open or closed relationship;
housekeeping together; levels of commitment; work and colleagues;
handling money; sex; dealing with families; raising children;
problems in the relationship; dealing with change;
being public about the relationship; aging; death;
what makes a happy relationship?
The book includes pictures of several of the couples interviewed.

If you would like to read other books on same-sex marriage,
search the Internet for the following bibliography:
"SAME-SEX MARRIAGE--FIRST BOOKS".
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