Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict [Paperback]

Sam Horn (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 15, 1997

If you've ever been tongue-tied - or if you've ever given a tongue-lashing (and regretted it), Tongue Fu! offers constructive alternatives that will turn hostility into harmony and help you avoid a mental breakdown in the face of aggression. With straightforward strategies and proven techniques, Tongue Fu! examines almost every kind of verbal conflict - from fights with your spouse or a stalemate with the kids - and shows how to use martial arts for the mind and mouth to deflect attacks, disarm disputes, and defuse any explosive situation. With Tongue Fu! you will learn words to use (and words to lose) in tense situations, the power of the phrase "You're right," the tools to use when people push your "hot buttons," how to handle a verbal bully who enjoys attacking and tormenting, how to gracefully exit an argument, what to say when you don't know what to say, how to use silence to your advantage, how to be pleasantly unpleasant, and how to take charge of your emotions.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

The purpose of Kung Fu, the Chinese art of self-defense, is to fend off physical attacks. According to professional speaker and consultant Horn, the purpose of Tongue Fu, a spoken form of self-defense, is to guard against psychological attacks. Dealing with difficult people is a part of everyday life. However, by focusing on real-life responses to verbal challenges instead of theories and platitudes, the author has delivered a convenient handbook for the mental martial art of verbal self-protection. Divided into four sections, the book offers techniques and skills for responding thoughtfully in conflicts, expressing honest feelings and goals, seeking cooperation in difficult situations, and living a life of value during trying times. Each of the 30 chapters offers examples that demonstrate the expected goals and acquired skills in action. Despite its suggestively prurient title, Horn's book is a lively, positive guide that can be returned to time and again. A popular title for all public library collections.
David R. Johnson, Fayetteville P.L., Ark.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"This is a great book! Tongue Fu! puts a new twist on communiction. Everyone should read it.!"--John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus

"Tongue Fu! is a practical and easy-to-read book on the important topic of interpersonal relationships. Many stories beautifully illustrate the immediate, usable ideas on how to get along better with just about anyone, anytime, anywhere. The world would be a more peaceful and harmonious place if people practiced the enduring principles presented in this book. Tongue Fu! is destined to be a classic."--Jack Canfield, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul

"Tongue Fu! is filled with delightful tools for keeping both feet on the ground instead of in the mouth. Both young and old need to learn its lessons for creating connection instead of alienation."--Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and End the Struggle and Dance with Life

"This book is a gold mine for anyone who deals with the public. The great strength lies in two things. First are Horn's unimpeachable ideas. She's added to the legacy of ideas on dealing with people left by Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, Dale Carngie, and many others. That takes skill. Second are the examples she uses. This a comprehensive manual for getting ahead--while inviting others to join you."--Executive Book Summaries

"In this delightful book, I found many gems of practical wisdom for everyday life. Among books on effective communication and improved relationships, this is one of the finest ever seen. An important work--fun to read, learn from, and apply."--Dan Millman, author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior and The Laws of Spirit

"Frustrated? Try some verbal kung fu. These verbal techniques for 'fast-forwarding through frustration' help keep inner harmony."--the Chicago Tribune

"This is a terrific book, full of verbal 're-engineering' designed to refocus us toward greater fulfillment in our dialogues with others through better communication."--Anthony Robbins, author of Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; 1 edition (March 15, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312152272
• ISBN-13: 978-0312152277
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #27,824 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Sam Horn, president of Action Seminars, has presented her real-life workshops to more than 400,000 people since 1981. Her impressive client list includes Young Presidents Organization, National Governors Association, Hewlett-Packard, Four Seasons Resort, the Fortune 500 Forum, the US Navy, and the IRS. She was the top rated speaker at both the 1996 and 1998 International Platform Association conventions in Washington DC, and is the emcee of the world-renowned Maui Writers Conference. She is also the author of Tongue Fu!, What's Holding You Back?, and ConZentrate, which have been featured in Readers Digest, The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, Entertainment Weekly, Family Circle, Bottom Line Personal, and Executive Female, to name a few. She is a frequent media guest who has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows, including "To Tell the Truth" and NPR's popular "Diane Rehm Show." She lives with her sons Tom and Andrew in Virginia.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

45 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Disarming verbally aggressive people, November 18, 2001

By 

Harold McFarland (Florida) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (Paperback)

Tongue Fu is an excellent treatise on how to handle verbal situations in life. Complainers, bullies, manipulators, it doesn't matter, all types of situations that are time-bombs and need to be diffused are covered in the book. The book is a working manual on how to recognize, disarm and remove those bombs before they explode and damage your reputation, your business, your relationship or just plain ruin your day. It covers the full gamut of information from how to recognize that you are under attack, to how to recognize the particular attack and what techniques are appropriate to disarm the attack. For some bombs cutting the blue wire disarms and for another one it sets the bomb off. Knowing the right type of situation you are dealing with lets you know what type of action disarms and what type sets the attack into high gear.
Lots of case histories and lots of examples so you will know what you are doing., action plans to help you start putting the information into action, the book has it all.
Another book that augments this title would be "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense", a slightly more dated book but one that deals with many of the items in greater detail. Together they are a complete set of how to deal with verbally aggressive people.

32 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars everclear1, September 11, 2003

By 

JRG (Ca. USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (Paperback)

"I wish I'd been introduced to these ideas years ago; they would have saved me so much unnecessary grief. As the author points out, this isn't just about dealing with difficult people. It's about communicating in a way that helps us get along better with just about anyone. I didn't even know there were such things as "Words to Lose," and now I realize I use them constantly with customers and co-workers, even my kids. No wonder people sometimes give me a hard time. I was using language that actually makes matters worse. The book tells you exactly what to say in different types of situations. Best of all, it made me think twice about the way I relate to people. Instead of seeing the other person as the one who is being ornery, I realize now that I could be contributing to it. This book is a real eye-opener and I'm glad I read it.

145 of 176 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Sophmoric Infomercial, August 31, 2003

By 

GMan "Gary" (Chicago) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Tongue Fu!: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (Paperback)

I purchased this book based upon many of the reader recommendations on this very important subject. However, after I received the book and began reading it, I felt scammed.

Recently at work, I felt I could have handled a situation better than I did. I knew what I wanted to convey, but it came out unsatisfactorly. Being someone who wants to improve themself, I thought I'd get a book relating to this subject matter.

The techniques presented in this book are inapplicable and irrelevant - they don't provide insight, and in my opinion are rediculous - the point where I found myself laughing. Reading this book felt like you were being lectured by your clueless, happy-go-lucky aunt.

Techniques such as "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em", "handle hassles with fun", and saying "you're right" (and meaning it) when people complain, are not realistic techniques to addressing real problem. The one which put me over the edge is her bit "choose to be compassionate" when people fail to meet their most basic responsibilities. According to this technique, if you are in a line at some place of business, and there are 25 people in front of you and one employee, you are supposed to spend the time in line convincing yourself that "it's okay - they are just understaffed". Or, if that employee messes up your order, say an ice cream cone, you are supposed to do the following:
1. "Ask them for their name" - Everyone knows doing this will immediately put the employee on the defensive.
2. "State your Customer Rights and Wishes" - This is going to anger the employee with such a belittling remark.
3. "Ask to see a supervisor" - Oh, really? Gee, I'm glad I'm paying money for such earth shattering advice.
And so on...

In all seriousness, my conclusion is that this book will not help you to address real problems, especially in the business environment. I strongly urge you to avoid it. I have since begun reading the book "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense at Work". Although I have not drawn any conclusions, I will tell you that this book takes a serious approach to the issues at hand and uses scientific research to support its conjectures. By the way, Tongue Fu doesn't even have a footnote in it.