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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
16 Moments from Tony Martin's Past for All of Us to Enjoy!, November 8, 2009
This is not an autobiography, it isn't a behind the scenes look at Tony Martin's childhood to current life or an account of the struggles and triumphs of how he became a radio/TV personality. In fact the whole famous and TV/radio side of Tony Martin is not mentioned at all. What Lolly Scramble is, is 16 stories of memorable events that have happened throughout Tony's life, all obviously with humorous moments. Tony Martin is one of those rare people who knows how to tell a tale about something that really isn't that interesting as a topic, but he just a way of making you want to listen. These tales are -
Next Teller Please - Tony is fascinated by the old passport method of banking he started with as a child. He recounts how the annoyance of the tellers who always try and convert him to the modern ATM card and other accounts every time he makes a transaction. A taxi driver will show him he is not alone in his beliefs and even really not taking the passport banking to the lengths he could have.
Something of Dreams - Tony and his other socially challenged boyhood friend are shocked when a swarm of hippies turn up in his friend's small New Zealand town street. These hippies want to film the street as a location for a TV show set in the past as the houses in this street have been neglected from renovations so long, the street looks like it would have back then. There's one neighbour though, who may shatter the boys' dream, and prevent the only exciting thing to ever happen to them.
Mono - Deals with school nicknames and one unpopular kid who is labelled Mono for only having one testicle. Mono's (Dale's) parents are religious extremists who shun the modern world and its evils not allowing Mono to participate in board games or watch TV. Tony and his friend decide to help Mono experience at least one real world forbidden experience.
Long Necks - Tony accounts living in a house with an embarrassing carport, where the next door kids are being babysat by a girl he has a childhood crush on. One day while she has taken the kids to the park her boyfriend comes to visit her and spots Tony under the carport.
The Secret Passage - Tony works as a teenage stagehand and while covering for a fellow stage hand stuffs up a sound effect that starts a chain of events that make the play a lot less authentic but a lot more interesting.
A Made Bed in Hell - Tony moves to Auckland and recounts his three months renting a room in the house of Mrs Yeoman, her husband and young daughter. Mrs Yeoman has very strict morals and expects her tenant to believe in them also.
No Tarzan, Mind - Tony accounts his 1982 job as a Junior/Artist that turns out to be nothing to do with being an artist. Until a new boss takes over who is from Newcastle in Northern England who has a strong accent and takes a shine to Tony's plight on the first day. Tony is invited to accompany him to an early lunch, in the car Tony asks him where they are going and is terrified with the response, I thought we'd go back to my hotel.
The Yeti- Another tale of an eccentric landlord where Danny is renting a room from a Swiss-German bald man named Gunter. This time has two other boarders as well as the landlord to share the experience, including a guy who is stockpiling silver paper you find in blocks of chocolate for his own unique project.
Breakfast in Dubbo - Tony takes an interstate bus trip and is pleased to have two seats to himself, until a racist old lady sits beside him to let her husband sleep. In between her rants about New Zealanders all being unemployed dole bludgers she mentions that these buses always have a movie. A young Tony has never experienced the magic of bus movies before, not even realising this was even possible so becomes excited and eager to find out what will be showing. The bus driver knows of the fights that start if passengers have time to discuss the selection before it's time to play so won't even give Tony a hint. Tony wants his first bus movie to be great and will do whatever it takes to make that dream come true.
Unlucky 12a - Tony moves into an apartment complex where, Norma a nosy old busybody expects everyone to follow the body corporate rules to the letter. Tony likes to throw breadcrumbs out the window for the pigeons and she labels him for this breach without explaining what he does, a snowdropper to all the other residents in her newsletter. Of course a snowdropper is a slang term for one who steals women's underpants off of clotheslines. With Norma circulating air horns a few days earlier so the residents hearing one go off, will come running and lynch a man who she claims pleasures himself naked in the laundry room at night (a time when if he needs to do the laundry Tony chooses to do his) Tony wonders if he will survive the months before his girlfriend arrives from interstate.
Prang - A man crashes into Tony's Honda Civic and blames Tony for the accident claiming he had no lights on. When his girlfriend backs him up the man exchanges insurance information. Later Tony finds out this information was fake but luckily his girlfriend wrote down the licence plate number. So Tony at his girlfriend's insistence sets off to ambush the guy at his residence and get him to pay for the damage.
The Doctor is Out - Tony has a constant back problem and after going to chiropractor after chiropractor decides to try something different, with a doctor who uses a technique new from the USA.
The Notary Public - Tony must get fifteen signatures on a document for a legal matter to do with proving he is the author of a piece of work. A notary public must sign as a witness to Tony's signature each time. At a $560 dollars a signature, Tony isn't impressed when they go to his house and find an old man who is not even making an effort to not appear as an old retired man. When Tony almost gets caught mucking around with an antique gun he took from the wall his wife and himself must come up with a plan so as to be able to put it back without the notary public noticing.
Any Old Iron - Tony is shocked to discover he has a rare disorder called Haemochromatosis, well it's actually not that rare, it's more common than most well known disorders but no one who doesn't have it seems to have ever heard of it. Tony has too much iron in his blood where if 8 syringe full portions of his blood aren't removed every couple of months he will die. Tony has the highest iron count the doctor has ever seen. The irony of it is, Tony has being taking Iron tablets as those companies marketing campaigns have been telling him everyone needs more iron. Unfortunately for Tony who expects to only have to undergo the painful procedure a couple of times a year, the doctor keeps getting his results and telling him I'm sorry you'll have to come back in a couple of weeks and get another eight withdrawals again to empty out the high iron blood.
Donkey Shines - As Tony's wife hands him the controls of his brand new Nintendo64 Tony recounts the different generations of his life so far and how video games have played a major part. From first witnessing Tron on Star Trek and thinking there's no way that's real to his home town getting a Space Invaders machine at the local fish and chip chop.
In the Eye of the Lolly Scramble - Tony recounts how his mother and stepfather got into huge arguments over disciplining the children who weren't biologically theirs as Tony and his step siblings stood out in the street so the neighbours would know they weren't in danger and call the cops. As Tony goes to the town shopping centre with his mother hating the false image the Brady Bunch was giving to step families he wonders off and come across a queue to sit on Santa's lap. Cynical about the whole happy family image at Christmas he is not interested in participating. Neither it seems is Santa whose would have been funny to be there and witness actions, give this book its title.
If you like this sort of writing also check out authors Dave Gorman and Danny Wallace who have also mastered the art of telling a tale and making it funny.
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5.0 out of 5 stars
A Joy, November 15, 2009
This really is a delight to read from beginning to end. What a relief to read an autobiog that is not full of insincere self deprecation or thinly veiled boasting. Martin manages to tell personal stories that do not centre on himself, but instead makes a feature of the often hilarious and frequently bizarre characters he has met over the years. Let there be no mistake....Tony Martin is a very, very funny guy and an intelligent one too, as was made clear during the Get This golden years. His book is wonderful and I highly recommend it. When thinking about the other FM radio jocks that grace the airwaves at the moment, and what kind of mess they would make if they attempted to write anything, I cant help thinking that the 'ponytails' in the industry are hilarious in their ignorance. Nothing more threatening than 'talent' with actual talent.
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