Countless experts offer us advice on how to create the "perfect relationship," fostering the unrealistic expectation that forming an intimate bond will be a painless experience. Unfortunately, few experts are willing to confront the powerful challenges and emotions inherent within close relationships today. In contrast to other intimacy books, Too Close for Comfort vividly describes the surprising dangers, damage to self-esteem, inadequacies, and immaturities that characterize the contemporary state of romantic intimacy. Too Close for Comfort compassionately explores the risks and misunderstandings that occur within many intimate relationships. Romantic partners tend to hurt each other not only by insensitivity and neglect, but also by criticism, abuse, and betrayal - most of which spring from insecurity. Dr. Piorkowski, a noted consulting psychologist and educator, focuses on the vulnerability both partners experience in intimacy due to the emergence of strong, unrealistic needs that are almost impossible to satisfy. The author contends that people avoid the perils of intimacy by donning one or more defensive "masks" - ranging from acting superior to mysterious, comical to withdrawn, self-sufficient to dependent - in an effort to protect themselves from emotional exposure. Presenting a fascinating range of clinical examples, she sensitively depicts the fears of intimacy that limit contact, namely psychological concerns about loss of control or autonomy, feelings of disappointment and abandonment, or of being attacked and made to feel guilty. Depicting women's reliance on verbal expression to achieve an emotional connection versus men's dependence on physical contact, Dr. Piorkowski brilliantly elucidates the complex barriers to intimacy, especially the chasms of misunderstanding created by vast sexual differences and attitudes. While this book is unique in its exposition of the dangers in intimacy, its message is not pessimistic.
Geraldine K. Piorkowski, Ph. D. is Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Illinois at Chicago, where she has also served as Interim Dean of Students and Director of the Counseling Center. Prior to her arrival at the University of Illinois at Chicago, she was Chair of the Psychology Dept. at Roosevelt University, Chicago, and before that, Director of their Counseling Service. She has been in private prctice for many years, working with both individuals and couples, and has been quoted regularly in national magazines and newspapers.
Both of Dr. Piorkowski's books deal with romantic love and how elusive it is in American society. The first book, "Too Close for Comfort: Exploring the Risks of Intimacy," is an examination of the dangers of romantic love, that is, the factors responsible for the profound disappointment and sense of betrayal experienced by many young people who fall in love. The second book, "Adult Children of Divorce: Confused Love Seekers," looks at the reasons why adults who grew up in divorced families have so much difficulty with romantic love themselves and why they are twice as likely to get divorced as those adults who grew up in intact homes.
