Customer Reviews

Too Close Too Soon: Avoiding the Heartache of Premature Intimacy

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book is fantastic. My husband and I had both come out of a number of "too close" relationships before we met and we needed some guidance when we started dating. We each had our own copy of the book and followed it to the letter. It was extremely difficult, but it was the best thing we could have done for our relationship. It was because we followed the book to the letter that we are married and still together 8 years later. The book outlines a program that requires a lot of self-discipline which leads to a bonding between the couple. By following the guidelines in the book we were able to avoid too much physical contact and were able to really get to know one another mentally and emotionally.

I highly recommend this to couples who are just beginning to date and want some help building a strong foundation on which to build their relationship.

Jim Talley and Bobbie Reed offer a practical approach to developing healthy dating relationships that are built upon a solid foundation of friendship before moving into greater intimacy. They outline the process that a man usually follows in the stages of friendship, physical contact, emotional involvement, leading to sexual involvement in the marriage relationship. By showing the different process that a women follows, they show why couples need to spend the necessary time developing a healthy friendship prior to becoming physically (not sexually) involved or in the case of women, emotionally involved.

The Christian authors identify concrete steps for a man and woman to follow to protect the development of the relationship--not allowing it to progress too rapidly, but building a foundation of truly knowing and caring for one another. Since intimate contact eventually leads to sexual contact, couples are encouraged to maintain a relationship that will allow them to remain pure until marriage. If the couple falls into a compromising situation, a process is provided so that the couple can maintain their relationship with appropriate boundaries.

This book is a must read for all singles or those counseling singles of all ages.

Another great book is Finding God's Will in Dating, Singleness, Sex and Marriage.

I really cannot recommend this book enough, it is a great guide for dating relationships. It seems that too often when you examine your romantic relationships, you meet a person and start dating. However, there isn't a firm foundation of friendship to build that relationship on.

This book actually gives you practical advice for building that friendship. I strongly recommend making three copies of the "Agreement for Genuine Friendship". One copy for the girl, one copy for the guy, and the pastor/spiritual advisor may with to keep one on file (if not, you can frame it or something). The Talley-Graph of how the two of you spend time together (alone, group, phone/internet) is another thing that I would suggest you make a copy of and use.

The authors also take into account the ocassional mess up and how you can deal with that (limiting time alone together). Also, you have to be able to have an open dialog. If you can't talk about it, just limiting the time isn't going to help.

Major biblical principles are clearly marked in the text, with the Scripture and where you can find it in the Bible. You don't have to flip someplace to see where the author is citing, nor do you have to flip though your Bible to see what verse the author is talking about, it's all right there.

I definitely think that this book is well worth the money you spend on it!

I read this book when it came out in 1990 and I often refer back to it. It is one of my favorites. While the authors try to provide a time line for time spent together prior to marriage or while dating, many will find it impossible to follow. But the key isn't to follow the time line, but use the book as a guideline. That's the key. They hit the nail on the head when they carefully and cautiously warn men and women that too much time will get you into much trouble. The other helpful piece of wisdom in the book is the relationship growth patterns and differences between men and women. I appreciate these authors and thier fine contribution to my Christian library.

This book has a few good insights about men, women, and dating relationships. On the other hand, I agree with the previous reviewer that the rigid, mathematical approach to courtship ("300 hours spread over 7 months") is pretty hilarious. As a Christian, I just don't think it's what our Lord had in mind when He created men and women.

For instance: You have to log all the time you spend alone together. Time spent in a group setting is divided by 4. Phone calls are logged after the first 1/2 hour. Then you plot this data on a graph, to make sure you're not going too fast or too slow. Handy charts are provided for your convenience.

"I'm sorry, Bob, the cosine of the hypotenuse of our relationship exceeds the allowable value. Guess we can't see each other for a few days."

Hmm. Does this seem Biblical? Looks more like cheesy pop psychology to me.

Another bizarre notion the authors have is that the development of a relationship can be divided into 16 clear stages - and that all men go through these stages in one definite order, while all women go through them in another order. Although it's possible to make some broad statements about how *most* men and women act, real-life situations aren't likely to fit this tidy diagram.

I found this book in a thrift shop, and was surprised to discover that it's still in print. In recent years, we've been blessed with many better books on the subject of principled dating and courtship - for example, Joshua Harris's "Boy Meets Girl". Harris presents several basic concepts, then encourages us to apply them to our own situation, with the help of prayer, common sense, and advice from trusted elders. In the long run, this is likely to be much more successful than some "magic formula".

"Too Close Too Soon" teaches one some of the most common failures in a relationship. As the title implies, many go too fast at the beginning of a relationship.

My summary: In ANY CLOSE relationship, one becomes vulnerable. Yet, trust *must* become before vulnerability, It takes time to build up trust. Therefore, one must be slow and patient at the beginning.

I did NOT agree with EVERYTHING that Dr. Talley tried into his reader's minds . However, I have benefited greatly from his book. I recommend it to anyone who has trouble keeping a date. You may see yourself in some of his chapters.

I bought this book years ago and it is wonderful for young people starting out on the dating scene. It gives "hands on" no pun intended ideas of how to keep the physical aspect of a relationship at bay so you can keep your head on straight.

I am newly single after being married 20 years and it has been helpful as I get back into the dating scene. After being married, it is easy to forget how to keep the romance secondary. The principles are sound and though it can be adapted, I don't think a person can go wrong by adhering to the principles.

It is also nice how it gives concrete examples of how to implement the concept. If desired, it gives a schedule that can be printed and used to keep track of time spent together.

I would recommend this book to Christian who is looking for a lifelong partner.

Really great book, had so many basics that are essential to a Godly dating relationship. Eye-opening and insightful. My bf and I did this together and it brought us closer. Good stuff! Delivery speedy also.

This is an awesome tool for anyone considering a relationship with a member of the opposite sex! It allows the reader to think about "all" aspects of a relationship before jumping in.

What a riot! I gave it two stars, if only for the humor.

There's this chart 3/4 of the way through that showcases how slowly a relationship should go to avoid 'unnecessary sexual contact before marriage.' According to the chart, a kiss is acceptable after a month or so, but anything more has to wait until the couple gets married...in SEVEN MONTHS.

The hypocracy was hysterically funny. On the one hand you should wait until marriage until you have sex, take your time to establish a deep and meaningful relationship...but on the other hand, seven months is viewed as an appropriate timeframe for marriage. I'm sorry, but don't you think rushing into a marriage is a little bit more harmful in the longrun than rushing into sex? I had girlfriends in high school that lasted longer than seven months.

Also on this chart is a squiggly line showing the steps to a harmful relationship--friends to sex in one month, with a little note that says "Too fast; seek professional help" or something like that. Gimme a break--that's not a 'relationship,' that's SEX FOR FUN, pure and simple. Relationships that progress that fast don't lead to marriage in the first place. It's called experimenting, and it's healthy. It teaches you what you like and don't like about partners (sexually or otherwise) before you make the mistake of marrying someone who you'll come to despise (again, sexually or otherwise) later.

So as I said--I loved this book...until I found out it was completely serious. C'mon guys--you don't need a book to tell you this. Figure it out on your own, trust your own instincts. MAKE MISTAKES--you're allowed, you know.