Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes [Paperback]

Duke Robinson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 2000

If you're like most folks, you were raised to be "nice". Yet you find yourself asking: "If I'm so nice, why isn't my life better? Why do so many of the nice things I do leave me feeling burned out, bottled up, or bumbling?" In this book, renowned minister and lecturer Duke Robinson tells you why.

Robinson knows that our well-intended, socially acceptable, nice behaviors often carry down sides, betray us and end up self-defeating.  He nails nine such mistakes we nice people make every day.  Look inside this book at the Contents page to see what they are.

This book will show you how to correct these mistakes, and in their place put life-affirming, liberating behaviors that will help you avoid frustration, stress and embarrassment. You will learn how to:
-- Let go of your need to please everyone.
-- Say "no" and feel wonderful about it
-- Tell others directly what you want, and actually receive it
-- Express anger in ways that heal and help you maintain valued relationships
-- Disarm those who criticize or attack you irrationally
-- Be effective in sensitive, intimate moments with those you care about
-- Stop trying to control, save and protect others and simply support them
-- Liberate your true self for a richer, more robust life.

Are you, like most of us, too nice for your own good? This remarkable book will empower you to get what you need and deserve out of life...and still be a nice person!

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

HIGH PRAISE for TOO NICE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes


"I hope many people will read this book and benefit from its honesty, eloquence and wisdom."
Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and How Good do We Have to Be?"


"Highly readable, insightful, and compassionate...Duke Robinson extracts powerful, eminently practical lessons for everyday living from sound psychological principles."
Martin V. Covington, professor of psychology. University of California at Berkeley


"His eloquent message is addressed to all who are striving to live good lives...an upbeat and honest message."
The Library Journal


"Profound, provocative, and practical...A thoughtful and deeply felt gift to all of us who get caught between the goodness of our hearts and our own naivete."
Shirley Nice, The Corporate Coach


"Do-gooders: Here's why you burn out...In this book, Robinson show how too much of a good thing can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion. His goal is to liberate do-gooders from their self-sacrificing bondage."
New Orleans Times-Picayune


"The wit and wisdom of Duke Robinson is about to become national knowledge. And he does more than simply analyze the mistakes we all make as nice persons. Attention to this very readable and practical book can make a good difference in the way we live."
Paul H. Gertmenian, CEO, Henry Gertmenian Co.


"The mistakes described in this book are like the common cold...Duke Robinson has done a masteful job defeating these emotional viruses...Reading this book and taking it seriously could save hundreds of hours in therapy, and it's a lot more fun."
Dr. Robert R. Ball, executive director, the State of California's Self-Esteem Task Force, and author of Walking on Water


"A 'how-to' book that breaks new ground...and shares unexpected new approaches that can open doors to more creative living."
Robert McAfee Brown, author, professor emeritus, Pacific School of Religion, Berkeley, CA


"Robinson's nine chapters turn the qualities of niceness inside out: 'trying to be perfect,' 'taking on too much,' 'not saying what you want,' ' suppressing anger,' 'reasoning with irrationality,' 'telling little lies,' 'giving advice,' 'rescuing others,' and 'protecting those in grief. Sound familiar? He says he can help you get over it without becoming an ogre."
The Dallas Morning Newspapers


"I wish this book had come along earlier in my career...These practical steps toward authenticity help us put our lives in order and feel good about it."
Darrell Floyd, retired human resources manager, Nissan Motor Corporation, USA


"An unsentimental blueprint for complete living as well as a provocation to the highest humanity in all of us."
Leroy Aarons, founder and board member, National Gay and Lesbian Journalists Association and author of Prayers for Bobby


"A superb book...transforming...In clear and simple language, Dr. Robinson shows how being 'nice' often means living by a tyranny of expectations."
Stanley F. Hogle, former executive director, Interface-Samaritan Counseling Centers


"Duke Robinson's book on 'mistakes made by nice people' is a big hit. He shows so clearly how niceness keeps us from growing and dealing honestly with one another."
Presbyterian Outlook

About the Author

In 1997, Warner Books (Time Warner) published Duke Robinson's award-winning hardback, GOOD INTENTIONS: The Nine Unconscious Mistakes of Nice People. It appeared in twelve languages and as an audiobook, which the author narrated.

In November 2000, came this paperback version of GOOD INTENTIONS, under the title, TOO NICE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD:  How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes. And when the Kindle came to be, it was among the first to appear as an e-book. 

In December 2011, through CreateSpace, Robinson published CREATE YOUR BEST LIFE--KILL THE GRIM REAPER:  How to live Fully Knowing One Day You Will Die. You will find its link below this one on the author's sales page.

Duke Robinson was born and reared in suburban Philadelphia. In 1958, he graduated from the Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and has lived since 1960 in the East Bay of Northern California. For twenty-eight years, he served as pastor of the progressive Montclair Presbyterian Church in Oakland, 1968-96. For several years during that ministry, he also served as an adjunct professor at San Francisco Theological Seminary, from which he received an earned doctorate in 1979. Prior to retiring in 1996, he was known widely as a speaker and appeared frequently on television in Northern California.

Since 2000, Robinson has lived in Rossmoor, an active retirement community of nearly ten thousand residents, in Walnut Creek, California. He enjoys four children and nine grandchildren.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Grand Central Publishing (November 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446673862
• ISBN-13: 978-0446673860
• Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.8 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #27,157 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

164 of 173 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Simply Superb...top of the line...Thank you Duke Robinson!, July 11, 2002

By 

E. Lee (Pawtucket, Rhode Island United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes (Paperback)

I really only have three words for this awesome, life-healing book: OH. MY. GOD.
I never realized until recently how deeply my so-called niceness was hurting me, absolutely draining me. It's as if I've gone through my entire life (until now) thinking solely of others, in order not to be rejected, abandoned, dis-vaildated. I supress my anger, and do all the other mistakes that are mentioned in the book. Needless to say, my stress levels have been over the top, trying so damn hard not to step on someone else's toes! Well, no more. I am done with apologizing for existing on this earth, and Mr. Robinson is giving me the validation and the confidence I need to move forward in the healthiest of ways! I thank you, sir, from the bottom of my heart. You have facilitated a major change in my life, and I am beyond grateful to you. I highly recomend this book, and I do not believe that 5 stars are quite enough to rate it. Read it, and change your life's approach.

79 of 83 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A "nice" review!, August 7, 2006

By 

Darren Serhol "Darren S" (Chicagoland) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes (Paperback)

Wow. OK let me start this out by saying that I really like being nice. I have found that it works to my benefit in many, many occasions. I also think it's better for interpersonal communications and something that we should all practice in order to get along better. I was afraid that by looking at this book I would lose that niceness. That did not happen. However, it did offer me the ability to get what I needed to get and still be considered nice. Just amazing!

With most "self-help" books you wind up having to do months and months of self-evaluation and changing tiny things incrementally and it wind up taking forever to actuate any change. This was not the case with "Too Nice for Your Own Good" by Duke Robinson.

The great thing about this book is that I needed it in a timely fashion and went straight to the third chapter and found an answer to my problem in the 40 minutes it took to read and digest that chapter. Previous to that I spent two nights being unable to sleep and completely upset over my inability to assert myself in a situation that I was in. So I was left with a "damned if you do, and damned if you don't" situation until I read the chapter that I needed. It was absolutely amazing...and here's why: it allowed me to re-form the way I would say something so that I could still be nice and yet accomplish what I needed to do. I frankly was blown away. I had been struggling with how to do what I needed to do without upsetting other people or feeling guilty at the same time and this book told me exactly how to do that.

I guess this review is flawed in that I have not read but two chapters (chapter 3 then the beginning chapter one). However, it absolutely accomplished what I needed it to do in chapter three. I will read the entire book but I was so amazed at the relief that that one chapter brought me that I wanted to immediately review it.

I have bought and studied many books for self-improvement. I always believe that you can improve yourself and am in constant pursuit of that. However, this is the first book that could be considered self-improvement that I was able to put into use immediately. I cannot recommend this book enough. If you are too nice and want to know how to assert yourself better yet still remain nice I could not recommend it better book.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the author and publishers for this amazing work.

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Duke's words ring true... and now in paperback!, August 17, 2003

By 

Charles Seymour Jr (Wallingford, PA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes (Paperback)

Here's what I wrote before when this was in hardback only:

This book opened my eyes to a lot of important insights into how my
"niceness" has undercut my integrity and effectiveness as a person. I'm impressed with
the substance and clarity with which it's written, and especially the fact
that I couldn't find any "psychobabble." I'm also impressed with the balance of
theoretical understanding and practical information. It's been of tremendous
help to me. I cannot recommend it too highly.

I was recently interviewing for a job and was called in for EIGHT interviews.
The stress was on! Duke helped me to see the big picture, to focus on what I
wanted and needed, and not be bogged down with needless baggage that some of
us "nice" people carry with us.

This book has helped me with personal relationships at home and with friends,
has refocused my attention to my communication methods so that I use clear
and succinct wording, and it has helped me see that nice guys can finish first.

Thanks, Duke. The book is great!

And now that it's been in paperback for a while, everyone should own a copy. Get it now before you are manipulated by your own actions.