Customer Reviews

Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes

5 star:		(27)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I really only have three words for this awesome, life-healing book: OH. MY. GOD.
I never realized until recently how deeply my so-called niceness was hurting me, absolutely draining me. It's as if I've gone through my entire life (until now) thinking solely of others, in order not to be rejected, abandoned, dis-vaildated. I supress my anger, and do all the other mistakes that are mentioned in the book. Needless to say, my stress levels have been over the top, trying so damn hard not to step on someone else's toes! Well, no more. I am done with apologizing for existing on this earth, and Mr. Robinson is giving me the validation and the confidence I need to move forward in the healthiest of ways! I thank you, sir, from the bottom of my heart. You have facilitated a major change in my life, and I am beyond grateful to you. I highly recomend this book, and I do not believe that 5 stars are quite enough to rate it. Read it, and change your life's approach.

Wow. OK let me start this out by saying that I really like being nice. I have found that it works to my benefit in many, many occasions. I also think it's better for interpersonal communications and something that we should all practice in order to get along better. I was afraid that by looking at this book I would lose that niceness. That did not happen. However, it did offer me the ability to get what I needed to get and still be considered nice. Just amazing!

With most "self-help" books you wind up having to do months and months of self-evaluation and changing tiny things incrementally and it wind up taking forever to actuate any change. This was not the case with "Too Nice for Your Own Good" by Duke Robinson.

The great thing about this book is that I needed it in a timely fashion and went straight to the third chapter and found an answer to my problem in the 40 minutes it took to read and digest that chapter. Previous to that I spent two nights being unable to sleep and completely upset over my inability to assert myself in a situation that I was in. So I was left with a "damned if you do, and damned if you don't" situation until I read the chapter that I needed. It was absolutely amazing...and here's why: it allowed me to re-form the way I would say something so that I could still be nice and yet accomplish what I needed to do. I frankly was blown away. I had been struggling with how to do what I needed to do without upsetting other people or feeling guilty at the same time and this book told me exactly how to do that.

I guess this review is flawed in that I have not read but two chapters (chapter 3 then the beginning chapter one). However, it absolutely accomplished what I needed it to do in chapter three. I will read the entire book but I was so amazed at the relief that that one chapter brought me that I wanted to immediately review it.

I have bought and studied many books for self-improvement. I always believe that you can improve yourself and am in constant pursuit of that. However, this is the first book that could be considered self-improvement that I was able to put into use immediately. I cannot recommend this book enough. If you are too nice and want to know how to assert yourself better yet still remain nice I could not recommend it better book.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the author and publishers for this amazing work.

Here's what I wrote before when this was in hardback only:

This book opened my eyes to a lot of important insights into how my
"niceness" has undercut my integrity and effectiveness as a person. I'm impressed with
the substance and clarity with which it's written, and especially the fact
that I couldn't find any "psychobabble." I'm also impressed with the balance of
theoretical understanding and practical information. It's been of tremendous
help to me. I cannot recommend it too highly.

I was recently interviewing for a job and was called in for EIGHT interviews.
The stress was on! Duke helped me to see the big picture, to focus on what I
wanted and needed, and not be bogged down with needless baggage that some of
us "nice" people carry with us.

This book has helped me with personal relationships at home and with friends,
has refocused my attention to my communication methods so that I use clear
and succinct wording, and it has helped me see that nice guys can finish first.

Thanks, Duke. The book is great!

And now that it's been in paperback for a while, everyone should own a copy. Get it now before you are manipulated by your own actions.

How oft we create a wave to spell trouble with our own perfections being true and honest with good faith and intentions? We take on too much not saying what we want and that's exactly what the book reveals - the niceness mistakes that 'Damage' us! Unconsciously, we have planted strong messages in the back of our minds and with good intentions by our mentors, follow the moral code of conducts in life. Be good, be nice, be cool, share and care, don't be selfish, be reasonable, don't hurt others, help friends, say yes and so on. In real, trying to reach perfection and taking on too much lead us to exhaustion and sooner or later the ship of our life start sinking. The author gives an insight to the nine unconscious mistakes we often make daily and helps us correct them and pulls a person out of frustration and stress. In not saying what you want and taking on too much, it leads to suppressed anger. Robinson provides healthy tips to express anger to orchestrate a balanced life. Life itself is like riding a bike up and down roads that are bumpy, curvy, hilly while juggling bananas, balloons and bowling balls says Robinson and so this is when you have a fall, life needs balancing back to pedal and steer with too much/too little, too rational/too emotional, to fast/too slow, too cautious/too reckless, too strong/too weak, etc. and remain upright empowering to get what you need and deserve. Irony is, sometimes our niceness betrays us and this book is a key to understanding our mistakes and bring about a 'change' in us. Robinson makes us a nicer person making one realise the mistakes, why we make and how to give up. In doing so, Robinson guides in:

1. Liberating from the bondage of other's expectations
2. Saying no and saving work overloads
3. Telling what we want and analyze what we receive is worth or not
4. Express anger that heal and maintain relationships too.
5. Face irrationality and criticism
6. Tell truth to friends when they fail us
7. Care for others without the burden of trying to run their lives
8. In pain and grief, feel competent enough

A change is always welcome even for the nice to be nicer and avoid the mistakes that we keep making out of the blue. Our good intentions turn out to be damn-in-way for others who often misunderstand or shrug off not appreciating your worth as human being. This book is indeed a gem collection for every person who has learned to live being 'Nice' and remain being so without being emotionally hung up sometimes. Good Pick!

It had never occurred to me - could I sometimes be too nice toward other people? I didn't think my wife would agree! She's always wanted nothing but "niceness" from me!! But reading this book by Duke Robinson convinced me that not only was I wrong but so was my wife.

The author focuses on nine "mistakes" we "nice people" make in interpersonal relationships - e.g. giving advice - and he does so with candor, helpful examples, and suggestive ways toward behaviors that are both "nice" and psychologically healthy. My trying some has even convinced my wife!!

Thanks, Duke, for some good advice - plain and simple. I can't say you saved our marriage - that's pretty secure - but you have helped us reduce the tensions that sometimes arise from my being "too nice for my own good."

I have an admission: I can't process Duke Robinson's book as fast as I would like. That's because it contains vast insight into how we would-be nice folk trip over ourselves. So, I'm reading it slowly and taking time for reflection.

But I'm also trying new behaviors that the author suggests. For example, I've started saying "I'll have to get back to you" when my own reactivity kicks in. A simple suggestion, almost common sense. But it helps preserve important relationships and gives me time to come up with a calm, healing response.

If you feel a need to be perfect, if you lose yourself into other people's problems, if you sputter in the face of ambush, if you have trouble saying what you want, this book is for you. It offers practical, down-to-earth, doable ideas that work.

But be warned: the author will help you envision the climb toward more authentic niceness, and he will provide some handholds. But the work will be up to you. If you're like me, you will find his suggestions difficult to pull off. But the effort will be worthwhile.

If you've ever had trouble being honest and nice at the same time, this is the book for you! Using personal stories and anecdotes, Duke Robinson illustrates the dangers and pitfalls of certain well-intended, polite behaviors; then gives practical techniques for becoming more authentic and improving our relationships. This is a guidebook to honest, respectful and effective communication.

The book reveals the self-defeating consequences of unconscious mistakes such as Trying to Be Perfect, Reasoning With Irrationality, Telling Little Lies and Rescuing Others. Principles such as Accepting Your Acceptance, Generating Empathy, Addressing Fear and Saying What You Want are the tools that will lead you forward. It takes conscious effort to break old habits, but it's well worth it. By understanding and practicing the solutions described, you will be able to live with greater integrity and joy, and you'll still be a nice person.

I have dozens of friends who have read this book and we've all been literally transformed by these timeless teachings. I've been reading and referring to it for many years, and will continue to consider it a valuable resource for difficult communication situations.

This book will enrich your life! Highly recommended.

This book has made my life infinitely EASIER. Gave the answers I was looking for a long time. It tells you very simple (effective)ways to tackle those dilemmas. Among the 9 advices I chose 3 important ones for me:'

1.-Respect your stress tolerance level, learning HOW to say "no" sometimes.

2.-Be sincere and authentic in your relationships. It gives you TECHIQUES to tell people (in a polite way) what you want, can or can't do, what you actually expect from them, what wrong, bad things they have done to you.

3.-How to handle people that are mourning. We normally do the wrong thing.

In my case it was really worth the money. I used to be one of those TOO NICE People. Thanks DUKE ROBINSON!.

Ever wonder why when: You come to the assistance of someone close to you all the thanks you get is hurt and resentment; or, being right every time turns out being wrong; or, trying to assuage an irrational idividual can be a fruitless exercise? "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions" is a much used cliche that, to many, has lost any real practical meaning, but sums up what we do unwittingly do too often.

In TOO NICE for YOUR OWN GOOD, Duke Robinson describes nine common things we do in trying to good, but end up causing ourselves and others discomfort and pain. He offers practical solutions for recognizing these mistakes and avoiding them by choosing alternative behaviors. This is far more than an academic execise in prescribing what others should do as the author uses examples of mistakes he had made and observed as a clergyman, couselor, human being.

If you read this book and do not find any application to yourself, go back and reread "Mistake #1-Trying to be Perfect".

This book is easy to read and identify with. On every page, you will whisper to yourself, "I've felt that way." or "I do that." Remarkable read if you are searching to understand your inner thoughts and understand why it is that people react to you in a certain way. You will find it a book you continue to consult long after finishing the read. Highly recommended.