Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control [Paperback]

Jeannette Dewyze (Author), Allan Mallinger (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 1993

For many of us, perfectionism can bring life's most desired rewards. But when the obsessive need for perfection and control gets in the way of our professional and emotional lives, the cost becomes too high. Although many of us appear cool and confident on the outside, inside we are in emotional turmoil, trying to satisfy everyone, attempting to direct the future, and feeling that we are failing.
In TOO PERFECT, Dr. Allan Mallinger draws on twenty years of research and observations from his private practice to show how perfectionism can sap energy, complicate even the simplest decisions, and take the enjoyment out of life. For workaholics or neat freaks, for anyone who fears change or making mistakes, needs rigid rules, is excessively frugal or obstinate, TOO PERFECT offers revealing self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to help us overcome obsessiveness and reclaim our right to happiness.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

For many of us, perfectionism can bring life's most desired rewards. But when the obsessive need for perfection and control gets in the way of our professional and emotional lives, the cost becomes too high. Although many of us appear cool and confident on the outside, inside we are in emotional turmoil, trying to satisfy everyone, attempting to direct the future, and feeling that we are failing.
In TOO PERFECT, Dr. Allan Mallinger draws on twenty years of research and observations from his private practice to show how perfectionism can sap energy, complicate even the simplest decisions, and take the enjoyment out of life. For workaholics or neat freaks, for anyone who fears change or making mistakes, needs rigid rules, is excessively frugal or obstinate, TOO PERFECT offers revealing self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to help us overcome obsessiveness and reclaim our right to happiness.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Ballantine Books (June 1, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0449908003
• ISBN-13: 978-0449908006
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.5 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #40,405 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #54 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Recovery > Twelve-Step Programs

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

57 of 59 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing, June 5, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control (Paperback)

I ordered three books on perfectionism from Amazon. This was the best one. I'm ordering three more copies to give to friends and family. This book helped me identify destructive thought patterns and habits -- and stop them. The book gives a cohesive picture of the perfectionist person; explaining how diverse behaviors and beliefs are related and why the perfectionist originally developed them. If perfectionism is driving you crazy and ruining your life, this book can help.

46 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing, September 12, 2006

By 

Benjamin A. Cropp (Lawrence, KS USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control (Paperback)

Normally I would not be writing a review for an item. I always thought it was because I was lazy, or that I didn't care. After reading this book, I have come to realize that it was in large part because subconsciously, I could not meet my own perfectionist expectations. There are a lot of low-risk undertakings in life that I have not attempted for the same reason.
This book, for me, has brought to my conscious awareness all of the subconscious obsessive thoughts that were creating immense frustration and anxiety in my life. Of course, I realize that changing perfectionistic thoughts is not a quick fix. It takes time and effort, in both cognitive and behavioral aspects.
Of all the books I've read on CBT, NLP, perfectionism and the like, this book has meant the most to me personally than any other book I have ever read.
If you have perfectionistic tendencies, in ANY area of your life, then I hope this book will bring you waves of insight and comfort, like it did me.

44 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Excellent! (with one MAJOR, disappointing flaw), December 5, 2008

By 

P. Moran (Brooklyn, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control (Paperback)

I will always be grateful to have read this book, because it uncovered for me unconscious patterns in my life and ways I behaved that have been really holding me back. My copy is now completely marked up. I found myself underlining practically every other sentence. The book gave me great insight with how my internally programming is simply not working. The authors demonstrate great skill in demonstrating their skill in diagnosing / uncovering the many different "flavors" which obsessiveness can manifest itself in ones life.

Unfortunately, and to my great dismay, the authors give very, very few practical suggestions for what to actually do about it, now that you have identified yourself as suffering from obsessive tendancies. Most of the book is concerned with "does this sound like you?, does this sound like you?, does this sound like you?" and after say "YES, YES, YES!" to 200 pages of this kind of questioning, there are probably 5 pages total in the book for what you can actually _do_ about it. (Other than "see a therapist", and to my astonishment, the last sentence of the book suggests "sustained, hard work." Ok, but I thought the M.O. of obsessives was sustained, hard work, and the book whole purpose is to demonstrate how THAT DOESN'T WORK. We, newly self-diagnosed obsessives needs guidance on what DOES work, what are healthy ways to cope, what are healthier attitudes towards life, and how to we come to adopt these?

With those questions in mind, I came across this gem of a book, that has helped me immensely.
A Guide to Inclusive Therapy: 26 Methods of Respectful, Resistance-Dissolving Therapy

I hope this book might help some who are suffering with obsessive thinking, obsessive behavior, perfectionism, etc.