Customer Reviews

Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I ordered three books on perfectionism from Amazon. This was the best one. I'm ordering three more copies to give to friends and family. This book helped me identify destructive thought patterns and habits -- and stop them. The book gives a cohesive picture of the perfectionist person; explaining how diverse behaviors and beliefs are related and why the perfectionist originally developed them. If perfectionism is driving you crazy and ruining your life, this book can help.

Normally I would not be writing a review for an item. I always thought it was because I was lazy, or that I didn't care. After reading this book, I have come to realize that it was in large part because subconsciously, I could not meet my own perfectionist expectations. There are a lot of low-risk undertakings in life that I have not attempted for the same reason.
This book, for me, has brought to my conscious awareness all of the subconscious obsessive thoughts that were creating immense frustration and anxiety in my life. Of course, I realize that changing perfectionistic thoughts is not a quick fix. It takes time and effort, in both cognitive and behavioral aspects.
Of all the books I've read on CBT, NLP, perfectionism and the like, this book has meant the most to me personally than any other book I have ever read.
If you have perfectionistic tendencies, in ANY area of your life, then I hope this book will bring you waves of insight and comfort, like it did me.

I will always be grateful to have read this book, because it uncovered for me unconscious patterns in my life and ways I behaved that have been really holding me back. My copy is now completely marked up. I found myself underlining practically every other sentence. The book gave me great insight with how my internally programming is simply not working. The authors demonstrate great skill in demonstrating their skill in diagnosing / uncovering the many different "flavors" which obsessiveness can manifest itself in ones life.

Unfortunately, and to my great dismay, the authors give very, very few practical suggestions for what to actually do about it, now that you have identified yourself as suffering from obsessive tendancies. Most of the book is concerned with "does this sound like you?, does this sound like you?, does this sound like you?" and after say "YES, YES, YES!" to 200 pages of this kind of questioning, there are probably 5 pages total in the book for what you can actually _do_ about it. (Other than "see a therapist", and to my astonishment, the last sentence of the book suggests "sustained, hard work." Ok, but I thought the M.O. of obsessives was sustained, hard work, and the book whole purpose is to demonstrate how THAT DOESN'T WORK. We, newly self-diagnosed obsessives needs guidance on what DOES work, what are healthy ways to cope, what are healthier attitudes towards life, and how to we come to adopt these?

With those questions in mind, I came across this gem of a book, that has helped me immensely.
A Guide to Inclusive Therapy: 26 Methods of Respectful, Resistance-Dissolving Therapy

I hope this book might help some who are suffering with obsessive thinking, obsessive behavior, perfectionism, etc.

At first, I was disappointed to discover that this book is not just about perfectionism but more generally about "obsessive personalities" (not to be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder). But as it turns out, I do indeed have many "obsessive" traits in addition to perfectionism. I found the chapter on "demand-resistance" especially illuminating--although I would've liked more guidance for how to get over it. Other chapters discuss difficulty making decisions and commitments, guardedness, worrying, rigidity, drivenness, and of course perfectionism.

I also recommend Richard Rohr's "Discovering the Enneagram," about a personality-typing scheme in which one of the nine types centers on "the need to be perfect." And if you're a perfectionist and a procrastinator about writing, I recommend Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life."

I am a reformed perfectionist who has achieved much happiness and success in my life because I read and applied this book. For me, the most revelatory moment came through the authors' explaination of the difference between striving for perfection and striving for excellence. I found that I could work towards excellence and yet give up much behavior that was painful to myself and others. Too Perfect is concise, easy to read, and has practical suggestions for each type of perfectionistic personality. I recommend it for anyone who is overwhelmed by being driven by the details of living--you may find that the cause is your internal perfectionist. And if not, I'll bet you know someone it fits--perfectly.

I had trouble finding a good book about obsessive compulsive personality type (most were about obssessive compulsive disorder) until I found this one. It was so fascinating that I flew through it in one night! I had many "ah-ha" moments while reading the book, and recognized certain traits in my spouse, my mother, and myself. I found the book to be well written, easy to read and understand, and amazingly informative. It had many positive things to say to balance the negative and included constructive suggestions for changing behavior patterns. I highly recommend reading this book.

I think I have now read all of the book on perfectionism and OCPD. This was the best yet as it was the first time that they were not just focusing on perfectionism but being obsessive. It was the only one that mentioned Obsessive Compulsive Personallity Disorder instead of perfectionism. Perfectionism is one form of OCPD and this book covers it all with great recommendations on how to get over each form of it. This should be the only lay persons book you will need from a secular stand point.

If you have a friend or family member who is a perfectionist, buy this book! I'm sure that they don't understand how many of their behavioral patterns are due to their perfectionistic tendencies. I didn't! There were many times while reading this book, that I thought to myself, "Wow, I do that too!" I had terrific success with a couple of the exercises offered in the book. Finally, the author uses examples from his patients to illustrate the patterns of compulsive behavior. It helped me identify some of the repetitive patterns that I had developed over the years, and most importantly...to CHANGE them!

I suffer from this disorder and this book has helped me understand why I am the way I am. I am so very amazed...I feel like the book was written about ME; the author describes to the point the way I act, the way I feel, the way I do things, the way I am. The book helped me identify things, e.g. thought patterns, actions, etc., that I was not even consciously aware of before. My husband is going to start reading it tonight and I hope he will have a better understanding of me and the way I act, because our marriage is on the verge of collapse because of my behavior. I didn't know there was actually a reason for this behavior until I read this book.

I tend to be rather obsessive and perfecitionist about many things, and have often suffered from this (though I'm not a typical obsessive-compulsive). This book has given me great insights into my own destructive ways of thinking and behaving. It was a lot of fun to read and very encouraging and comforting. Insight is one thing of course, changing your behavior (for which the book gives several tipps) is another. But this book is a great start.