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Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood [Paperback]

Samantha Parent Walravens
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 24, 2011
Real Mothers. Real Careers. Real Conflict.

Striking the right balance between career and motherhood is one of the most stressful, heart-wrenching tasks facing women today. In Torn, forty-six women examine the conflict between the need to nurture and the need to work, and reveal creative solutions for having the best of both worlds. The stories in the collection offer hope and inspiration, but they also reveal the messy realities of modern motherhood and life's inevitable crises, both small and large: from breast pump mishaps to battles with cancer; diaper blowouts to debilitating depression; competitive cupcake baking to coming home from war. In the end, the reader can take comfort in the knowledge that there is no perfect mother; nor is there a perfect balance when it comes to kids and career. The real challenge facing women today is not juggling their many roles, but realigning their expectations of what is possible and accepting that success does not equal "doing it all."

TORN was selected as a Mom's Choice Awards Gold Medal Winner for 2011.


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Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood + Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood
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Editorial Reviews

Review

FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES:

"TORN is filled with the voices of women trying to solve an impossible equation, all doing the best they can. These nearly four dozen writers include a wide swath of the real world - attorneys and professors, software designers and social workers, soldiers and stay-at-home moms. They live on good incomes, and reduced incomes, and, in one case, on welfare. They are married, divorced and single. They write about big things (cancer, depression, regrets, teen pregnancy, readjusting to being a mom after being a soldier in Iraq) and small (worm bins, cupcakes, speeding tickets, Dora the Explorer, dirty diapers.)

All of them have one thing in common - they have all compromised. Whether theirs is a compromise they can live with is the central question."

-- Lisa Belkin, The New York Times

“For those of us who live in a constant state of anxiety about how we’ve compromised our careers for our kids or the other way around, books about the the work/life balance and how other women have dealt with it remain perennially  interesting. Torn is a welcome addition to this body of work …. The point that nobody actually has it all is made all the more compelling when it is made by a choir of voices.”

– Deborah Netburn, Los Angeles Times

Torn offers up the finest imaginable gift for today’s moms, no matter whether you work or stay at home: the comforting truth that we all juggle life and kids as best we can, and that moms ride this nutty ‘mommy wars’ roller coaster together."

- Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of Mommy Wars and the NY Times bestseller, Crazy Love

"A fascinating look at Mothering 2.0. In Torn, a new generation of mothers explores the delicate balancing act of work and family life with intelligence, wit, and candor."

--Willow Bay, Senior Editor, The Huffington Post, and Special Correspondent, Bloomberg Television

"A tender, humorous, and sometimes heartbreaking collection of experiences as unique as the women who lived them. For those of us who were guided, and often defined, by the women's movement, these stories resonate in a way that is both sustaining and essential."

--Victoria Zackheim, Editor, He Said What? Women Write About Moments When Everything Changed

"Torn is a poignant look at how a generation of mothers is trying to forge its own identity while honoring the legacy of 60s and 70s feminism. Sometimes freedom can be its own trap, and this book illustrates that principle beautifully."

--Neal Pollack, Vanity Fair columnist and author of Alternadad and Stretch

"Finally, a reality-based look at life, love and motherhood for real women from real women. No quick fixes or fantasy escapes here. Just good, old-fashioned, in-the-trenches camaraderie that lets you know you are not alone and that the fight is worth it. Really!"

--Allison Glock, author of the award-winning memoir Beauty Before Comfort and mother of two girls she still hugs in public

"Torn speaks a bold, discomfiting truth: there is no easy solution when it comes to balancing career and parenting. These unflinchingly honest stories reveal the unusually high stakes of women's choices about work and family--for their marriage, their children, their career, their financial life, and especially for their own identity. This book is a vital contribution to the conversation about the value of domestic life and the hidden costs of work for women and their families. Offering neither easy solutions nor judgment, its hope lies in its willingness to fully engage the messy realities that so many women face every day."

--Lisa Harper, author of A Double Life, Discovering Motherhood (Winner of the 2010 River Teeth Literary Nonfiction Award)

"Sharp, poignant and sometimes funny stories about some very unfunny issues that mothers grapple with daily. If you have a mother, are a mother or know a mother, read this book."

--Katherine Clifford, Founder of Youronramp.com

"As a therapist who sees many women torn between the conflicting demands of motherhood, marriage and career, I believe that the deep empathy and understanding created by these remarkably honest and moving personal testimonies makes this book a 'must read' both for women struggling to create work-life balance and for men trying to understand the plight of the women in their lives."

--Geraldine Alpert, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, University of California Medical School, San Francisco

"In a culture that obsesses over every conceivable determinant of a woman's identity, from physical appearance to marital status, from mothering skills to career potential, the real women behind the societal images often get lost. Finally, 46 successful, well-educated women have taken on the ch --Karen Carrera, former Deputy City Attorney, San Francisco, and board member, Equal Rights Advocates

"With Torn, Samantha Walravens offers a diverse collection of voices making a valuable contribution to our ongoing discussion about trying to maintain a career while raising a family. These writers are sometimes rueful and sometimes quite raw, but always compellingly honest. They insist we set aside guilt and judgment and instead listen to their truths--complicated and difficult as they are--in the hope that someday our children will feel less torn."

--Caroline Grant, Editor-in-Chief, LiteraryMama.com and co-editor, Mama, PhD: Women Write About Motherhood and Academic Life

"Suffice it to say that I started reading the book in the subway and missed my stop! These little essays, often poignant, capture where American mothers find themselves today."

--Joan C. Williams, Distinguished Professor of Law, Founder/ Director, Center for WorkLife Law, University of California, Hastings College of the Law

Review



Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Coffeetown Press (April 24, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1603810978
  • ISBN-13: 978-1603810975
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #521,559 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Motherhood can make you feel crazy...with many peaks and valleys. lori  |  4 reviewers made a similar statement
I highly recommend this book to every mother, new or otherwise. D. Huffman  |  10 reviewers made a similar statement
Let me begin by saying that I did enjoy reading this book. Colleen M. Kennedy  |  8 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Thank you for this book July 12, 2011
By Jenfy
Format:Paperback
I want to start out by saying that I have read the book (cover to cover) and all the reviews. I picked this book up (well, downloaded it really) after a particularly bad day at work topped off by a particularly bad evening listening to several SAHMs at a local park - where I live, many SAHMs also have full or part time nannies, weekly/daily house cleaners, and, in some cases, personal food services or personal chefs. I needed to find something to validate my experience of motherhood and my constant struggle everyday to hold it together.

I appreciated the essays from all the women who contributed and I found something in almost each essay I could identify with. The essay writers are honest, sometime brutally. I can understand how some reviewers might have the impression that the writers do not really care/love their children. However, I think that impression might come from a misinterpretation of the point of the book. The essays were not suppose to be about children and raising children, the essays are about women and their struggles as employees, wives, women, individuals, and yes as moms. These essays were about each woman as an individual, as a person who also happens to have the title of "mother", struggling to make it all work out. To me, that the essays did not reveal loving prose about balancing babies, dinner, and 6 a.m conference calls, did not provide soft-focus mental images of frolicking families, breastfeeding bliss, and last minute flights to Chicago for a meeting, nor some annoying, sparkly ticker tape at the end of each with peapod graphics listing "mom to special child #1 and #2, loving partner of..., employee of the year at...blah, blah, blah" was not a loss. These were essays from the trenches of each author's life - the times when all is not neatly summed up in a weekly baby magazine email bulletin. While I am a mom, I am still an autonomous person and it is nice to read stories about mothers, by mothers that don't focus just on children and being a mom.

This book is a good read for women of my generation (born in 1970 for reference) or younger, raised after the women's movement had taken hold - told that we need careers to find purpose in life - told we could have it all. I was told that I would find a career I loved and a husband and kids would follow effortlessly. No one ever told me that having kids could change me so profoundly - make my career seem so meaningless. No one ever told me that I might want and might enjoy (gasp!) being "simply" a mom and wife. In fact, I was always told the opposite - being a SAHM could not be fulfilling, and I would waste my life, my education, and my intelligence pursuing that option. Well here I am, along with millions of other women, having been handed it all - and then the bill.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I love this book. It does not pretend to be all things to all people. Like many of the contributors, I am an Ivy-League educated woman (who also has an MBA and tries to work part-time while raising my two elementary aged kids). What I loved about this book was that a) the writing is excellent b) the voices are surprisingly varied and c) it made me realize I am not crazy! Apart from just feeling validated with my own struggles, I actually had some "ah ha"realizations that have led to some powerful and helpful conversations with my husband. I don't know how Samantha managed to compile a selection of essays that avoids sounding whiney, but she did it. THANK YOU for this book.
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26 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A great read for every mother May 19, 2011
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
As a kid I always thought I'd get married, have babies, and stay home to raise them, like my mother did. Well, times have changed, and that wasn't an option for us financially (and the older my son got, the more I realized that I didn't think I WANTED to stay home all day). Like the women in this book, who write about it so eloquently, I was upset, confused and, well, Torn, with being a mom who worked full-time. What I have enjoyed most about the book is hearing the perspectives of so many different women, who come at motherhood from different upbringings, with widely varying careers, and with unique and insightful views on what it means to be a mother. Despite their different viewpoints, I felt like I could relate to each and every one of them. I am actually currently on extended leave from my full-time job on what will likely be 4 months of bedrest in anticipation of our second child, so the perspectives on work and motherhood have really hit home for me! I was unable to put this book down and finished it a day - the short story/essay format is awesome and I have already recommended it to many of my mom friends!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A great book for all mothers out there
I was very moved by all of the diverse stories in this anthology of stories of both Stay at home Moms, and Working Moms. Read more
Published 1 month ago by R. Rosenbluth
4.0 out of 5 stars Every Parent Should Read this Book
Most parenting books offer one model for how one "should" parent. Samantha Walravens' book shatters that format, along with pretty and petty preconceptions and misconceptions... Read more
Published 3 months ago by DG
3.0 out of 5 stars An interesting read for torn women
I found the stories in the book insightful, but I can't say it's really changes my fundamental views on motherhood and the incredibly diifcult balance of working as well.
Published 4 months ago by hobokenite reader
5.0 out of 5 stars Insight from the front lines
As a full-time working mom struggling to find balance between motherhood, career, family and wife, this book was a blessing. Read more
Published 4 months ago by D. Huffman
4.0 out of 5 stars A look into the lives of the first generation after women's lib
Yes, as some reviewers have noted, this is a book about the challenges faced by a specific--and privileged--demographic: that of well-educated (and usually well-off) women in the... Read more
Published 5 months ago by A reader
4.0 out of 5 stars Torn: Tough decisions that mothers have to make
Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood gives a well-balanced view of the myriad of opinions and experiences that upper middle class mothers have... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Karen
4.0 out of 5 stars Challenges of Modern Motherhood
Let me begin by saying that I did enjoy reading this book. It gives insight as to the struggles that many women face dealing with the day-to-day responsibilities of providing for... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Colleen M. Kennedy
1.0 out of 5 stars Oh Please...
This book was so unrealistic as I gather we are talking about one economic class. I kept wanting to finding something redeeming but could not. Read more
Published 10 months ago by Vikki
1.0 out of 5 stars torn
I was not impressed with the whiney "all about me" attitude of most of the mothers in the book. come on ladies when you decided to have a baby you also decided to put someone... Read more
Published 11 months ago by kathy donnelly
5.0 out of 5 stars An amazing journey of many mothers...
TORN is a heartwarming collection of first-person stories that bring front-and-center the challenges all mother's face: choices we make which span continuing in the workforce to... Read more
Published 16 months ago by Stephanie Smith Tenore
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