Customer Reviews

Total Leadership: Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life

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I took two intercontinental flights recently and took the time to go through the "Total Leadership" program. And, before I begin my review, I want to say that over the past ten years or so I've seen an absolute avalanche of "leadership" books come out - most of them gimmicky and useless. This is not one of them and in fact I believe the title may deter people from purchasing this; do not be one of them.

"Total Leadership" is about finding your way when you have multiple responsibilities tugging you in different directions. Until now, I've often felt family pulling me one way, only to find the more time I spend with them the more I resent the time it takes away from work. Similarly, on business trips for example, I fight with feelings of guilt for being away from my family. And that's not to mention the the toll all of this takes on my health, when I'm too busy to exercise or just watch the game with friends. I'm here to say this book can help, like finding the long lost manual and finally figuring our how to do new things with a product, this book acts as a guide to finding a semblance of control in your life. It's not about sacrifice, and it's definitely not found in the idea of "balance", this book advocates a powerful third way: overlapping your domains and drawing boundaries.

What makes this book especially effective are the exercises the author puts the reader through. The reader is asked to define the issue, starting with the multiple responsibilities and challenges s/he faces, then it moves on to defining your domains, where is it that you spend your time? Most of the readers (including myself) would find four areas: self, family, work and community. Then, with domains defined, you can identify stakeholders in each domain and begin the process of finding ways "to live your life in accord with what really matters to you." The reader is asked to discuss his/her vision for a future life (post-change) with trusted individuals s/he has previously identified. A particularly effective step is then speaking with others about living your life differently, such as: your boss, significant other and friends, and getting their opinion and feedback on your plan, and as difficult and challenging as this may be it ends up providing the most powerful incentive to change through accountability and stakeholder buy-in. In many cases, I found that as much as I was building bridges between domains in my life, I was also creating boundaries (for example, no longer do I check my blackberry or the Internet between the hours of 6pm - 9pm.) But some of the biggest changes are personal ones that are for me and my family, other readers will likely find similar decisions they make without necessarily sharing them.

This book is not about easy decisions, or difficult ones, its about drilling down to what's most important in your life and building from there.

Ultimately, this book is required reading once, in my opinion, you are put in a position of responsibility. It is effective in maintaining a mindset conducive to responsible living, it provides a non-cookie cutter approach and it creates change in your life through practical exercises.

For these reasons, this reviewer highly recommends "Total Leadership."

Stew Friedman has hit the ball out of the park by writing a book about his real-world experience helping people combine and optimize their home life with their work life. I took a class from Stew at Wharton a few years ago as the ideas and techniques in this book were evolving. The basic idea is to use Stew's rating methodology to rank how much effort you put into different parts of your life and to measure it against the returns you get. It's surprisingly easy to do and very insightful. Then, the book shows you how to optimize where you focus your energy so you can get better results in all the parts of your life that matter. Very few business and leadership books admit that the link between your home life and your work life is an integral part of how you function in both. Total Leadership not only understands this idea, it teaches you how to strengthen the link, enriching your life at work and at home. Try it, it works!
-a happy VP somewhere in Silicon Valley

I wish this book had been available 20 years ago when I was a senior-level corporate executive, struggling without much success to balance everything in my life. At that time, I had a large corporate staff to supervise and was married and the father of four teenagers, three sons and a daughter. Moreover, I was actively involved in several non-profit organizations. Finally, whenever possible, I tried to "squeeze" into my already busy life a occasional round of golf, a visit to one of the local art museums, "going out" to see a film. What I should have done -- but failed to do -- is what Stewart Friedman recommends in this book: to reflect on and then explore (through a four-step process of discovery) the relative importance of four domains in my life (i.e. work, home, community, and self) and determine (a) whether or not the goals I was pursuing in each were in synch, (b) in synch with the other goals, and (c) and how satisfied I was with what was happening in each and all domains. That was then...

Now, here's my take on a few of Friedman's key points.

1. Most people (including business leaders) function in the aforementioned domains. Once each has been measured, he challenge is to make whatever modifications are necessary to establish and then sustain harmony between and among them. "The whole fits together elegantly."

2. According to Friedman, "total" leaders possess great strength because they do what they love, drawing upon the resources of their entire (four-domain) life. By acting with authenticity, they are creating value for themselves, their families, their businesses, and their world. By acting with integrity, they satisfy their craving for a sense of connection, for coherence in disparate parts of their lives, and for the peace of mind that comes from strictly and consistently adhering to a code of values. Meanwhile, they "keep a results-driven focus while providing maximum flexibility (choice in how, when, and where things get done.) They have the courage to experiment with new arrangements and communications tools to better meet the expectations of people who depend on them."

3. At the same time, a "total" leader does everything she or he can to help others (at work, at home, in the community and for themselves) to become aware of whatever changes may be necessary within her or his own domains; to have a sense of urgency about making those modifications; to decide to commit to appropriate action that will create for each a different, better future; to solve whatever problems encountered when pursuing the giving goals, meanwhile sustaining commitment despite any barriers, delays, distractions, etc. Total leaders also ensure that "people who depend on them" have the support and encouragement they may need by celebrating incremental successes while resisting "slippage."

4. In Chapter 6, Friedman urges that those who aspire to become total leaders learn how to adapt to new circumstances with confidence to conduct several "design experiments" whose purpose is to increase the ability to be innovative with creative action. He identifies ten types such as "Appreciating and Caring" experiments that involve having fun with people, caring for others, and appreciating relationships. Daniel Goleman characterizes this as developing "emotional intelligence" and Friedman believes that it is very important in each of the four domains. Because each domain has different kinds of relationships, separate goals and strategies must be devised for nourishing ("humanizing") relationships in each.

5. In the next chapter, Friedman offers sound advice on "how to get going and make something new stick" during what is necessarily a never-ending process of human development. Once again, he stresses the importance of achieving "four-way wins" in each domain by "jumping" into the hearts and minds of others. "The best experiments are those that don't just get the approval from all your stakeholders, but will genuinely benefit them by changing their worlds for the better...When you're trying to make something new happen, you've got to know what others care about, so that you can adjust your actions. And you've got to know whom they trust, so that you know who will listen to whom as you seek to exert influence."

I can personally attest to the importance of each of these and Friedman's other key points. However, what he advocates is obviously much easier said than done. Consider the concept of "balance," of "integrating" what is most important in each of the four domains. Let's assume that someone achieves that. For most of us (including corporate CEOs), a proper balance on weekdays usually differs (sometimes) substantially from a proper balance during weekends. Moreover, obligations, objectives, and opportunities in the work domain, for example, change during the progression of a career. That is, our proper balances on weekdays and weekends frequently change, and that is also true of each of the other three domains. The key to effectively responding to these changes is to think and feel one's way through a four-step process.

Of course, Friedman is fully aware of this. In fact, in the final chapter, he observes that total leadership "doesn't end with the implementation of your experiments. This is really just the beginning. Being a better leader and having a richer life is an ongoing search, which I hope you will be on for the rest of your life. As long as you continue practicing authenticity, integrity, and creativity, you will increase your chances of scoring four-way wins - performing better and finding satisfaction in your various domains."

I presume to conclude this review with a personal note: After reading Friedman's book and before composing this review, I read The Last Lecture in which Randy Pausch (age 46) shares his thoughts and feelings as he awaits imminent death from pancreatic cancer. Actually, "awaits" is not the correct word because Pausch does everything he can to leave no "IOUs" behind for his beloved wife ("the woman of his dreams"), their three young children, other family members, friends, and associates. In his last lecture to his students at Carnegie-Mellon, he provides a "distillation" of how he felt about the end of his life. "It's not about how you achieve your dreams. It's about how you lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you." In my opinion, this is precisely the same message that Stewart Friedman communicates to his own students as they prepare for a career in business. The "total leader" is first and foremost a total person.

As the jacket cover explains Total Leadership is "adapted from author Stew Friedman's popular Wharton School course". I found that to be both the strength and weakness of this book. Friedman's core concept of identifying one's values and then using these to improve your leadership in four areas (domains as he calls them) is simple, yet brilliant.

Unlike so many other leadership books, this is not a book about what makes a great leader. This is a book about finding out what makes you a great leader. A very worthy and ultimately practical, pursuit.

Through a series of activities, Friedman encourages the reader to analyse one's leadership activities in terms of the key stakeholders - work, home, community and self. A simple process of drawing four circles to represent the current strength and interaction within these four stakeholder domains and then redrawing then to represent a better balance, gives the reader the basis of a leadership vision.

A well designed series of simple, yet effective activities, takes the reader on his or her leadership journey. Very easy to follow and to implement.

It's obvious that the book has been developed from a successful course. It's always a big ask to do this well, as often some of the course's success comes through the personality of the presenter. Written in the first person, I found it a little verbose. For example the introduction went for 24 pages, which perhaps could have been handled in four. Friedman's style did not resonate with me - perhaps he would be totally different in person. I also found some little annoying things such as constant use of the term "Total Leadership participants". Having mentioned this once, they could have just been referred to as "participants" thereafter.

I appreciate how difficult it is to translate a workshop into a book - the book can either become too mechanical or too wordy. For me, "Total Leadership" was the latter.

However, this should not take away from the excellent core content and learning process. For trainers involved in leadership development and career planning, this could be a great resource.

Bob Selden,
Author, What To Do When You Become The Boss: How new managers become successful managers

Friedman has been engaged in the best of the global conversations about these issues for decades. Always ahead of his time, he's turned the lenses on old chatter and dimensionalized the real issues: high performing people tend to burn themselves out and up but paying attention ONLY to their careers. This creates toxic lives; toxic lives destroy everything and everyone in their path. As a consultant to CEOs and Boards, I watch this play out every day. Even better, this book is clear-headed, practical, experiential; elegantly connecting the dots at the intersection of the person and the organizational landscape so one can assess the degree to which one is wholly engaged in their lives and not just their work. While grounded in great theory (he spares us jargon and ponderous punditing) this is a highly enjoyable and useful manual for those ready to do the work necessary to recalibrate their own lives. As a devout preacher on the importance of Life Stories, I celebrate his call to each of us to assess our stories, take ownership of them, and work to make them more coherent and authentic.

I have read this book as one of my elective courses at Wharton West. Prof. Friedman discussed in his book about how acting with authenticity (being real), integrity (being whole), and creativity (being innovative) affects performance. By acting with authenticity, I feel much more purposeful at work and home. I am more committed and drive persistently in myself and people around me, which help to improve the performance for myself as well as people around me. The leadership skills I have learned from this book:

Align actions with core values by choosing what matters most: I become more result oriented and focus on those important tasks that matter most to my core values.

Cultivate awareness of true leadership priorities in all domains: I have shared the new concept of leadership in this class with my boss, my colleagues, my husband, my son and friends and I do see the action from all domains.

Ethically influence others to generate support in all domains: The efforts I have put in the experiments have generated positive results both at work and home.

I hope this review help you to choose this book and act with urgency to lead a richer life with four ways win at work, family, community and personal level.

I was a student of Prof Friedman's at Wharton and read this book as part of his seminar course in Total Leadership. Six months later, I now have a blueprint for pursuing career success while simultaneously improving my personal life. Since reading this book, I have improved my marriage, strengthened relationships with other family members, and recommitted myself to both community and fitness by running the 2008 Boston Marathon as a charity fundraiser.

This is more than a great read. While the program requires a serious commitment to change, so too do Stew's concepts provide a sustainable framework for positive change across all aspects of life.

Stew changed my life. People spend years, read books, spend money chasing the elusive dream of mastering the Work, Home, Community, and Self domains of their lives. Stew provided a framework for thinking - 'life is not a zero sum game' - and taught me the importance of authenticity in everything you do that literally transformed how I live, view the world, and relate to others. If you're a Wharton student - take Total Leadership. If you're a professional - find a way to spend time with Stew. If you think you have no time - read his book. I am forever indebted to Stew.

I read about this book in a newspaper article, and was impressed by the favorable reviews here on amazon.com. After receiving my copy and browsing through it, I honestly don't see what all the fuss is about. Maybe I am not the B-school type. OK, I know I'm not the B-school type. But I have a Ph.D. from the University of Pennsylvania, where the good Dr. Friedman is on faculty at the Wharton School. I am an analytical person and aware of my shortcomings and my long-term goals. If you are a self-aware person, you do not need this book unless you are specifically interested in Dr. Friedman's techniques for achieving total leadership. The concepts of work/family/community/self and approaching stakeholders are important ones, but after a while, all the sample writeups (names changed for anonymity) read the same.

I fully support Dr. Friedman's intent and I like his idea that achieving total leadership is not the same as finding a work-life balance, as the latter implies compromise and finite resources to be split into one of two realms.

I purchased my copy as an amazon.com used book, and it was inscribed To Jayne, From Stew. Apparently Jayne didn't find it a keeper either.

This is my first review for any book on Amazon.com as I felt obligated to write this review. I also took the total leadership program at The Wharton Business School with Dr. Stew Friedman (the author). First off, let me say something about the author as by now I have come to know him well. Stew is real. He is the kind of person who is humble and genuinely interested in humanity's well being. Secondly, he is brilliant. He has a psychology background and teaches at one of the world's best Business school. As a result, he comes across and trains top level CEOs and Executives from all around the world. Being in an academic setting, he also continuously experiments with new concepts, new ideas, and new approaches towards leadership development. He is always willing to learn. This book is the culmination of his extensive research and observation into the human psyche.

This book redefines leadership in a way most of us can relate to. It is grounded in basic principles which if put into practice can improve your well being and those around you. I have read other self help books but this one is different. In fact, this book redefined for me what self help means and what it means to be a leader. This book has helped me grow as a person, and also help grow those around me. I strongly recommend you to go through the total leadership program if you can.

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Best wish on your journey and personal exploration.