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Totlandia: The Onesies, Book 1 (Fall) [Kindle Edition]

Josie Brown
3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (116 customer reviews)

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Book Description

***This is Book One of the Totlandia Series***

The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club is the most exclusive children’s playgroup in all of San Francisco. For the city’s ultra-competitive elite, the club’s ten annual spots are the ultimate parenting prize.

But not everyone is PHM&TC material. The club’s founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, adheres to strict membership rules: Moms only. No single parents or working mothers allowed. Membership is an arduous commitment. And there’s no room in the club for scandal, bad behavior, or imperfection…from tots or their moms.

In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina. And as every mom in Pacific Heights knows, you simply cannot cross her. But this year’s admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle.

But four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son’s life. Jillian’s husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband—just a sperm donor—and she’s hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club.

Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances—and their private lives—go up in flames?

This is the first of four books that follow our heroines during “the Onesies,” their inaugural year in the club. Upcoming books—to be released in four episodes each year—will follow subsequent years: the Twosies, Threesies, Foursies, and Fivesies.

Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal. Welcome to Totlandia.


Product Details

  • File Size: 287 KB
  • Print Length: 130 pages
  • Publisher: Coliloquy, LLC (November 9, 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00A4PJYQW
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,887 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fun December 19, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
This is fun type of "book" - actually it's been done before by the likes of Charles Dickens and other great authors. But they did their serial storytelling by sending in chapters to newspapers keeping their readers on the edge of their seats waiting for the next installment. This is how A Christmas Carol was initially published.

Totlandia tells the tale of an exclusive Moms and Tots playgroup where the children who get in ....have parents who want the best for them and are willing to go to any lengths to get what they think will provide their children with any advantage in what they think is a dog eat dog world. Even a playgroup for an infant.

The rules for joining are absurd. The mothers are absurd. The concept is absurd. The book is hysterical. It's short, biting and full of characters that you want to know more about. Book 1 introduces the main players, the hows and whys of The Pacific Heights Moms and Tots Club and of course, the children. There are 4 spots open for this year but 6 mothers vying for the places. So a Survivor-like contest is decided as a way to winnow out the two extra applicants.

Each of the women has a secret that will surely lead to her dismissal if found out so they do their best to keep them hidden as they and their children bond. The dialog is fun, the challenges faced are real and there are some laugh out loud moments. I don't think it took me two hours to read so it's a perfect light, funny tale to have handy when you have a little time and want to have something to read.

The only thing I did not understand at all, character wise was the one mother having a 14 month old child who had not started walking or talking and she had not had him tested. She doesn't go to a doctor until a yoga teacher suggests it. A yoga teacher?
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read January 31, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition
The cover caught my eye first-ooh sparkles. I read the first 3 pages and was hooked. I did not want to stop reading. I love to highly dislike Bettina. My husband has caught me shaking my head while making tsk tsk noises. Chakra...oh my-what a piece of work! Of all the Moms in the book, there is not one who I can't place in the real world. Can not wait to read #2.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Going to love this series! December 19, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
I received a copy of Totlandia: The Onesies in exchange for an honest review. I am a big fan of Josie Brown, so of course I was excited to break into her new novella series. I am also getting ready to start The Twosies here shortly, and can't wait to pick back up! The Onesies introduces readers to the The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, which is the most exclusive children's playgroup in San Fran. It has come time to select new members for the group, but not just everyone is considered. Only mothers are considered, no single parents will be looked at, and working moms...yeah right. But the six possible new members competing for the final four spots all hold some sort of secret that will ultimately break the rules of PHM&T...if they can survive the challenges and become a member!

Loved it! This is a short book with a lot of characters getting their own voice, but I didn't feel rushed or confused or frustrated at any point. Brown does a slam-dunk job at writing a witty novella with a lot of heart, laughs, and WTF moments! I may not be a mother yet, but I was hooked from the beginning and I am so glad I have book # 2 ready to go in my Kindle, because the cliffhanger had me practically panting. 5 stars!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fun, quick read! December 17, 2012
By Tanya P
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I loved Josie Brown's Housewife Assassin series, and so couldn't wait to read Totlandia, and it sure did not disappoint!

The women are all so different, but at the same time so relatable, as they try to give their children the best start in life (however misguided their attempts may be)! The things they experience are the same challenges that mothers everywhere face every day.

Totlandia was such a fun, quick read, and I can't wait to see where the story goes next!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting December 15, 2012
By carsie
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I really enjoyed learning about how the "other side" lives and treats their children. Coming from a world where daycare centers are just places that care for your children while you work, I found this book really interesting and entertaining.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Josie Brown keeps getting better and better November 21, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
As many of you may know already, I am a mother of three children ages seven and under. So I flock to mom-lit whenever possible. When I found out that Josie Brown was coming out with a new series about motherhood, my ears immediately perked up. Not only is Josie a fantastic writer, but she's also choosing a subject of interest to me. The best part is, with the story being set into four parts, the books are "bite-size" and easy to read in a short period of time between chasing a toddler and trying to keep my older two from ripping each other's hair out.

Totlandia: The Onesies (book one) starts out with a bang....or at least a struggle over a diaper between an adult and a young child, no less! (A bratty one, at that!) Gradually, we are introduced to all the major players in the story:

Lorna is the mother of Dante, the new favorite grandchild of her mother-in-law. Her sister-in-law, Bettina, runs the PHM&TC and is like the evil sorority sister you never want to come up against. (The club really is like a sorority where both the mothers and their children are being judged over ever action.)

Jillian, Ally, and Jade (and her ex-husband, Brady) are in the same boat as Lorna, fighting for a spot in the exclusive club, but becoming friends at the same time. However, they all have secrets they hope will not come out or their chances at membership will be ruined. I don't want to spoil all the interesting surprises in store and book one is short enough that you find out each of their secrets by the end.

Josie Brown writes Totlandia with her usual storytelling flair. The dialogue is smooth and flowing. The characters are easy to side with or become angry with, depending on each situation. The scenery is easy to visualize.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Go for it
Looking forward to the next book. This one kept me interested and left me wanting more! Chick literature for mamas, this is it.
Published 3 days ago by Just another shopper
4.0 out of 5 stars Cool Beans!
Love the author but this series is not as good as the Housewifes assassins guide. I love that one!
Published 12 days ago by barbara pursell
3.0 out of 5 stars I don't mind rating books but I feel like requiring a set number of...
I don't mind rating books but I feel like requiring a set number of words is too too much to expect. The above books I have not read yet, just Totlandia.
Published 14 days ago by Mrs. Duer
4.0 out of 5 stars Fun and light... perfect for reading late night as new mom
I stumbled across this series by accident and thought I'd give it a try. I recently had twins and am always looking for some easy reading for during late night feedings. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Sarah
4.0 out of 5 stars Silly Tots
Besides one or two errors it was an easy read. If you take yourself too seriously do not read this or any other Josie Brown book for that matter. Read more
Published 1 month ago by MysteryGIrl
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved IT!
Another Josie Brown Hit Now I HAVE to get the complete series. Delightful, funny, you can't put it down. Love all her works and this series is no exception. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Terri Montgomery
5.0 out of 5 stars You Won't Want to Put It Down
A quick page turner that really draws you in with well drawn characters and a fun plot. There are so many book series out there now. Read more
Published 2 months ago by jerylt
4.0 out of 5 stars Loved it
Great read! It was so quick and easy to finish. I am so excited to find out what happens next!
Published 3 months ago by Amazon Customer
3.0 out of 5 stars Cute Start to the Series
A cute story about upwardly mobile mothers who will do anything to get their children into the most prestigious mom & tot club in the U.S. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Michelle Scott
3.0 out of 5 stars 3 star
The book was good. Took me awhile to finish. I wasn't so into it that I had to keep reading. I probably finished it more because I can't stand not finishing a book, rather than... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Kaci L Hedden
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