Tough Times, Strong Children: Lessons From the Past For Your Child's Future [Hardcover]

Dan Kindlon (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 12, 2003

Every generation of children has to deal with unique challenges and crises. American children today face new realities, from school violence to terrorism, in a world that changed forever on that clear September morning in 2001. Is the generation of children growing up now prepared for hardship, sacrifice, and self-reliance? Here is the essential guide for parents looking for a comprehensive, optimistic strategy for easing the transition from childhood's innocence to the harsh realities of adulthood in the twenty-first century.

In Tough Times, Strong Children Dr. Dan Kindlon offers wise and often moving examples of how families and individuals have coped during other periods marred by war, deprivation, and economic upheaval. Through interviews conducted specifically for this book, Kindlon talks to survivors of the Depression; the Blitz; concentration camps; as well as the Troubles in Ireland; and the guerilla war in Colombia. This testimony and these memories demonstrate that parents play a huge role in the way children absorb stress and trauma and how they handle fear and uncertainty. Kindlon examines the roles of humor, bravado, and even denial in making our children feel protected, and yet aware of the world and its dangers as well as joys. Many of the stories in this book inspire us to act courageously for our children when we are afraid, to show them confidence we may not feel, and in the words of a child of World War II, "get on with it."

Combining his clinical experience with psychological and biological research, Kindlon explains the process of dealing with adversity and why some children are able to survive and even thrive as adults and others are crippled. He combines hard science with the voices of those who have lived through the worst events of the twentieth century to illustrate the importance of family and extended family; community; a strong belief system; and self-reliance learned from involved parents. Kindlon's good news is that parents can work actively towards empowering and immunizing children against an uncertain future.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Harvard child psychologist Kindlon, co-author of the bestselling Raising Cain, here gives thoughtful, hands-on advice to parents who want to help their children cope with the stress brought on by the terrorist attacks of 9/11 and other traumas. "The more we understand about how children cope with adversity," Kindlon writes, "the better able we'll be to help our kids face the challenges of an uncertain future." He offers a straightforward overview of the development stages of stress and the various psychological and physical effects stress has on children, and interweaves information from scientific research with vignettes about his daughters' and wife's ways of coping with grief, fear and strife. Models of coping methods come through the personal stories of trauma survivors-those who lived through such dark moments as the Holocaust, the Depression or a polio epidemic. Kindlon emphasizes that children, ultimately, are resilient, but that it's crucial that parents help them "make the best out of bad situations." This practical and informative guide should assist them in doing just that.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

Kindlon, a child psychologist and the author of Raising Cain (1999), offers this timely exploration of how to help children cope during times of trauma. He begins by examining research on the effects of stress on children. He details the symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder in children and adolescents, as well as factors from temperament to age that can influence whether or not a child will overreact to pressure. The second section includes stories of how children have coped with stress and how parents have helped them, presenting the human side of the research. The stories include the hardships of the Great Depression, the London blitz during World War II, the Holocaust, and the violence in Colombia. The third section focuses on Kindlon's personal crisis when his wife suffered a setback following surgery and how he employed many of the lessons he learned in researching this book to help his children cope. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Miramax (March 12, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0786869127
• ISBN-13: 978-0786869121
• Product Dimensions: 9.6 x 6.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.7 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,360,736 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., a member of the Harvard University faculty for the past fifteen years, teaches child psychology and conducts research in child development. A leading researcher, Dr. Kindlon has a private psychotherapy practice specializing in boys and their families, and for the past ten years he has been the psychological consultant to an independent school for boys in Boston.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Real People, Real Stories (some borrowed from Bowlby), October 21, 2004

By 

Carrie Hamilton (Seattle, USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Tough Times, Strong Children: Lessons From the Past For Your Child's Future (Hardcover)

Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., understands that helping children deal with their emotions is important, but moreover believes that "...the ability to move on..." is equally significant (Kindlon, 2003). Kindlon refrains from labeling family structures and parenting styles. His book makes use of personal examples in an attempt to get the word across. However, it is my individual opinion that some of Kindlon's personal beliefs get in the way of the noteworthy advice he has to share. For example, Kindlon states, "A kid in inner-city Chicago grows up faster than Julia, who goes to school in Wellesley" (Kindlon, 2003). Kindlon uses his own family in many examples, and refers to his daughter, Julia, extensively. The fact remains that kids in urban metropolises "grow up" at the same rate as kids in rural America. Surely no one can dispute the fact that stress (a focal point of Kindlon's book) transpires everywhere. Domestic abuse, drug problems, financial instability, death, illness, and other major causes of stress are not reserved for urbanites. I appreciated the flow of Kindlon's book, and felt that he was easily able to move from one topic to another. Kindlon's book differs from others on the market because he does not label parent and family structures. Rather, Kindlon identifies with a more Ethological theory, or a study of behavior based on evolution. In this sense, Kindlon does not give us statistical evidence based on random sampling questionnaires. All of his stories and antidotes come from real people in their natural settings. He strongly believes in early bonding and a child's attachment with his or her caregiver. Kindlon tells us that:
children who have a strong bond with a caregiver - a secure attachment - tend to be more competent; they are better problem solvers... have better relations with their peers, higher self esteem, and fewer mental-health problems than children with insecure attachment.
Rather than taking old ideas and rewording them as his own, Kindlon appropriately cites his sources as borrowed from human development ethologist, John Bowlby. According to William Crain, Bowlby found through his research that children who did not establish a strong and meaningful bond with a parent or caregiver would grow to become an "affectionless character" (Crain, 2000). These individuals "...use people solely for their own ends and seem incapable of forming a loving, lasting tie to another person". Kindlon agrees with Bowlby's theories that attachment is "...important for later psychological health". However, healing is possible if the growing child can establish a meaningful relationship outside of the home.