Toughlove [Mass Market Paperback]

Phyllis York (Author), David York (Author), Ted Wachtel (Author)

Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Bantam (February 1, 1985)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553267833
• ISBN-13: 978-0553267839
• Product Dimensions: 4.2 x 0.7 x 6.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #80,714 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

72 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Encouraging and practical help for exasperated parents, January 6, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Toughlove (Mass Market Paperback)

I felt very encouraged after reading this book. As the "wicked step dad" to a 14 year old strong-willed boy, it was never easy getting him to do chores, homework, and keep his word.

The authors' practical experience with their own kids and dozens of other troubled kids shows how they went from frustration to a realistic and practical take-charge method. There are several case histories.

Their method is about accountability, taking a stand and sticking with it. It's also about parental peace of mind. It ISN'T about a military boot-camp mind set, mean-spiritedness, or being something you aren't.

My wife wished she had read the book a decade earlier, when she was treating her kid like a miniature adult, mostly in charge of his own life. He ended up being spoiled, selfish, and unreasonable as a teen.

Many years later now, he's matured, on his own, and we all have a good relationship, with mutual respect.

Parents have rights and needs, too!

21 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Book For Parents Who Want to Turn Things Around, December 11, 2002

By 

Nancy J. Kavaky (Red Hook, New York United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Toughlove (Mass Market Paperback)

I have had this book in my book case since the 1980's. Today it is shop worn as it has gone through so many parents hands. It was given to me when I was having trouble with my 14 year old daughter. Don't purchase this book if you want 'warm & fuzzy'. If you are still in the warm fuzzy zone then your problems will continue. This book is about getting you to face facts and start you off on a new journey. It is merely a guideline and I like the fact that they present the information in such a way that you and your teen have to do the work yourself. Why does everyone want to get off the hook? This book puts things in perspective and makes you deal with reality. It addresses the real issues and opens your eyes. If you are at your wits end with a teen that is acting out this is a great start-up book to help you identify your problems. It really shows how Tough Love can work. It also shows how we as parents find excuses for our children rather than deal with the real issues. This book helps you to start making yourself and your teen accountable for all actions and decisions. It's a winner in my eyes! It pulled me thru time and time again.

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Help for frustrated parents of unruly teens, December 24, 2000

By 

Valerie (NEBRASKA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Toughlove (Mass Market Paperback)

I was so happy to read about feelings and experiences from this couple who are also having problems with their own teens. Even though they are experts at counceling other people with problems as therapists, when they started having trouble with their own kids and the "shoe was on the other foot" they could see that they needed a SOLUTION. As therapists they'd tried to find for other families, the root of the childs problem. After having their own teens become unruly, they are honest in saying that they needed a SOLUTION, not to find blame or the root of the problem. It has helped me to stop blaming myself and my husband for my kids bad behavior. That in itself has given me more strength to deal with the kids when they manipulate us. I got a lot out of their book. I feel like I'm not alone with this problem. And it gave me a whole new outlook on how to deal with the problem. The only thing that dissapoints me is that there is not a toughlove group in my state. And that is what is so stressed in the book, to get support from the group when you are using toughlove. Even so, I am very happy I found the book to read. If you are having problems with your teen, you should read it. I only wish I'd read it a couple years earlier.