Toward Commitment [Bargain Price] [Paperback]

Diane Rehm (Author), John B. Rehm (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 31, 2003

In Toward Commitment, Diane Rehm, the nationally known Public Radio broadcaster, and John, her lawyer-husband, open up for the reader their marriage of over forty years, revealing their passionate bond as well as their points of conflict and frustration. In a series of surprisingly honest dialogues, they grapple with their pronounced differences of background, attitude, and expectation. Addressing difficult and important issues-from love and sex and raising children to dependence and independence, from spiritual differences to financial and social needs-Toward Commitment gives readers the opportunity to eavesdrop on a husband and wife bravely analyzing their relationship and confronting the issues that inevitably strain a relationship. Refreshingly candid, these perceptive discussions will resonate with any two people who care enough about each other to resolve their difficulties. A practical guide for married couples as well as a must-read for couples considering that commitment, this thoughtful and ultimately hopeful book will help them become closer than ever.

--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The Rehms met in 1958, when Diane had been married and divorced once and John had had "scant experience with women." They married a year later, and that they are still happily married poses the inevitable question, "How did you do it?" In an unusual format of essays and dialogues, they offer their response "in the belief that an honest account of a marriage of more than forty years may encourage other marriages and comparable relationships not only to endure, but to flourish." Diane has been a well-known radio talk-show host for more than 20 years, and except for her highly successful career (which did not begin until their daughter was at boarding school and their son was working abroad), theirs has been a traditional marriage for their generation. John, an attorney first in the Kennedy and Johnson administrations and then in private practice, attended more to his career than his family for many years, and the authors discuss this and other common marital issues, in alternating voices. Each chapter covers a single topic, including expectations, anger, sex, solitude, money, careers, religion, parenting, friends, in-laws, retirement, illness and aging. Focusing solely on their own personal experience restricts the amount of knowledge they have to offer on some subjects, while in other cases they speak generally rather than providing detailed real-life anecdotes (perhaps the fault of the dialogue format). Blaming the difficulties in their marriage on ignorance of themselves and each other, they recommend individual therapy, premarital counseling, couples counseling and thoughtful discussions of both marital issues and childhood experiences affecting assumptions and behaviors within the marriage. Insufficient as either a marriage manual or revelatory memoir, this "dialogue" offers useful, if limited, relationship advice from a seasoned married couple.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Library Journal

John B. Rehm is a retired attorney, while radio personality Diane Rehm authored Finding My Voice. Together they have been working at their marriage long enough (43 years!) to make it look easy. Like everyone, they started out "with gross ignorance" of themselves and each other. Through devoted, sometimes dogged commitment to each other, they found that "marriage-or any long-term relationship-is a never-ending process of exploration and growth." The reader becomes a fly on the wall during the couple's discussions of some 25 topics (e.g., food, sex, commitment) in individual and then mutual conversation. These transcriptions tastefully make public the very private and often profound musings, reflections, and wisdom of two intelligent people who have been through life and now know something about it. Readers should listen up-they just might learn something. While the Rehms chose the straight and narrow, Robinson (Star Country) and Shaw walked the razor's edge. Two former alcoholics (now in recovery and in their sixties), they here describe their courtship and chronicle their misspent pasts in lurid detail. The authors alternate first-person narrative, a method that quickly becomes tiresome and confusing, and their pompous, self-important tone doesn't hide their obvious desperation. This offers zero how-to advice and is a bit too confessional in nature. Both books present the very personal side of the individual/couple dynamic as examined in self-help books like Martha Baldwin Beveridge's Loving Your Partner Without Losing Your Self. Of course, marriage doesn't universally equate to happiness and success, as Xavier F. Amador reminds us in Being Single in a Couple's World. Also consider Laura Davis's I Thought We'd Never Speak Again for a concerned, optimistic take on reconciliation. Toward Commitment is recommended, while Falling in Love is not.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press (December 31, 2003)
• ISBN-10: 0306813211
• ASIN: B000C4SHCW
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,611,083 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A quick, easy read on commitment, April 11, 2003

By 

T. Martin (Baltimore, MD USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Toward Commitment: A Dialogue About Marriage (Hardcover)

As a young woman (23) trying to find resources to understand what it takes to develop, keep and maintain a committed relationship the Rehm's anecdotal book was enlightening in an easy to read format. I am a believer in the idea that each relationship is a country unto itself but there are certain themes, struggles, etc., that tend to be common among all relationships which comes through clearly in the dialogue throughout this book. Regardless of any degree of fame Diane has gained over the years through her radio career and publication of her book "Finding My Voice", the Rehms are real people, with a real relationship that has weathered MANY ups and downs. (The fact that their relationship has endured to see 42 years seems like a miracle after reading this book!)
If you are interested in reading lay people's account of enduring and maintaining a committed relationship please give this book a try. The set up of the book (each chapter focuses on a different theme) allows the reader to pick and choose the concepts of interest to them. Both writing styles are clear and fluid making this book one that can be picked up and put down as time allows.
PLEASE ignore the reviews from disgruntled individuals who gave this book a low rating based on their opinions of Diane Rehm the radio personality and NPR. Those views in no way relate to the insight that can be gained from this book.

48 of 53 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Refreshingly Honest, October 13, 2002

By 

Joy Bennett (Pittsford, NY) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Toward Commitment: A Dialogue About Marriage (Hardcover)

This is a very candid book detailing the ups and downs of a marriage spanning over 40 years. Between work, health, children, in-laws and financial challenges, it's sometimes hard to work things all out; and it's nice to know that someone has finally demystified the myth of "happily ever after." It takes work, communication, and trust; a solid marriage is something two people create together through their commitment to each other, and not something that just happens automatically.

21 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Wise advice, February 17, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Toward Commitment: A Dialogue About Marriage (Hardcover)

Methinks the previous 'reviewer' doth protest too much - his/her cynicism is not only sad, it's ignorant. The Rehms make no bones that their relationship was hard work, that any relationship worth its salt does not come easy all the time. I appreciate learning some communication tips from a couple who's weathered the many ups and downs of 42 years of an overall happy, satisfying marriage. Recommended reading.