Customer Reviews

Toxic Friends/true Friends: How Your Friends Can Make Or Break Your Health, Happiness, Family, And Career

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I admit to having a vested interest in this book -- I was one of the women interviewed for it. Nonetheless, I found it disappointing. Isaacs' use of "true stories" gives the book solidity, it's well written, and she makes some excellent points about the significance of friendship in women's lives. On the other hand, her discussion is often superficial: e.g., she says she heard all sorts of heartbreaking stories from women who'd been hurt by a friend's betrayal, but then she gives a couple of lame examples and drifts off into vague generalities. I think the book would have been much stronger if she had used MORE examples: a memorable story is a better "lesson" than someone's theorizing about it. Also, she seems to blithely assume that the best response to a "toxic" friendship is to cut that person out of your life completely, but it's often not that simple. (I have one long-term friend, of 30+ years' standing, who I keep in touch with because I feel I'm one of the few sane, normal people in her life -- but I've minimized our contacts to protect my own sanity!) I think that the "life stages" organization the author chose for the book limited her unnecessarily: she couldn't go into depth about more "general" issues because she felt constrained to cover the same "issues/problems/solutions" territory in each chapter. This isn't a bad book by any standard -- I found it a useful summary of the subject -- but, compared to what it could have been, I found it a big letdown.

I agree with the first customer review -there are many, many more "toxic friends" than people think. With that said, I thought the book is a fine overview of an important subject. However, the author should have given more discussion and suggestions on how to end a toxic friendship. I have had to do this recently, and it is very emotionally difficult. But I have used tools that I have learned over the years such as: writing "anger letters" to the person, which you never send; writing "farewell letters" to the person, also which you may choose to never send. I have learned to cry about the loss, and let go. Very importantly, I try, in every single case, to learn the important lesson: what went wrong, and how should I have done things differently. Unfortunately, the author spends very little to no time on these topics.

Most people might think "relationships are difficult, friends are easy" but such is not always the case. "Toxic Friends, True Friends" is an in-depth discussion of the far-reaching effects friends have on our lives--both good and bad--and what to do about insidiously toxic friendships that may on the surface appear to be normal and healthy. Every woman I've mentioned this book to has wanted to read it; apparently toxic friendships are more common than is generally thought, and the need for healthy friends is a lifelong matter. Married or not, people who don't happen to belong to naturally-occurring job, church, or school groups are as serious about needing and seeking out new friends as they are/were about finding a mate. In general, the book goes way beyond women's magazine platitudes--I'm a psychotherapist, and found "Toxic Friends, True Friends" enlightening on many levels. Good discussion of developing and maintaining on-line friendships as well.

This book was a excellent tool in helping me understand who my friends and who are not.I have been struggling with know who is real, why people act the way they do. I wanted to know the dynamics of women friendships. I must say all my questions were answered!!!

Go get this book.

Mrs.Lee-Jackson

I found this book to be extremely definitive. Friends is such a blanket statement and this book brings clarity to the word. If you ever wondered where your 'friends' fit in your life this is the book to have. Not only does it give you guidelines for recognizing friends, it also sheds light on your own behavior. The book is peppered with personal accounts of friendships and even has some valuable information on sibling rivalry and other familial ties. Definitely a book to purchase because it will serve as an excellent reference guide.

I used to take friends for granted, but now after moving a number of times, I'm more aware of the fragility of friendships. Friends take effort and nurturing and may not last a lifetime. As your life changes, so will your selection of friends. Some will stay with you over the years even when many miles separate you.
This book helps you determine when a friendship isn't working for you any longer. Sometimes it is your needs that have changed and sometimes it is your friend's needs. Some people were never your real friend from the start but it takes awhile to recognize their hidden agenda and how their kind of friendship is hurting you.

I thought that this book was a very interesting read. How many of us actually take the time to breakdown the different types of friendships we have, how we incorporate them in our lives and how they affect our world. Very insightful and recommended.

Ms. Isaacs has provided a thoughtful analysis on friendship. She delves into both the good and the diffcult aspects of these multi-faceted relationships. This book is the perfect guide to understanding and maintaining healthy friendships. The personnel stories she shares make this book entertaining and the ideal gift to someone you care about.

Ms. Isaacs didn't cover something very important: the friends don't have to be yours to help or hurt!

When I was younger, an ex boyfriend harrased me for about two years. He denied my accusations to his best friend, so when I saw the guy, he made it clear his friend wouldn't go that far. After I saw my ex's best friend, he didn't bother me anymore. What I figured is he didn't want the risk of his best friend finding out the truth.

I had parted ways with a guy who was less than honest with me. One of his "friends" chose to meddle and made things much worse.

And those are just two examples!

In both cases, the friends of someone I'd had trouble with helped me get rid of them permanently.