Buy Used
Used - Very Good See details
$10.94 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details

or
Sign in to turn on 1-Click ordering.
 
   
Have one to sell? Sell yours here
Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones
 
 
Tell the Publisher!
I'd like to read this book on Kindle

Don't have a Kindle? Get your Kindle here, or download a FREE Kindle Reading App.

Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones [Paperback]

Mary Boenke (Author)
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)


Available from these sellers.


Formats

Amazon Price New from Used from
Paperback $10.00  
Paperback, January 31, 1999 --  

Book Description

January 31, 1999
TRANS FORMING FAMILIES: REAL STORIES ABOUT TRANSGENDERED LOVED ONES is a collection of stories by parents of adult transgenders, by mothers of very young gender variant children, by spouses and partners, and even by grandparents, siblings and friends. Written mostly by "ordinary people", who have all struggled from bewilderment to acceptance and even celebration, these 31 stories serve as role models for all those families who are still hurting, rejecting, or feeling isolated -- or who have already "arrived" --and would like company.

The subjects vary greatly, -- both FTM's and MTF's, intersexed persons, cross-dressers, adults and children, several from other countries, some with physical disabilities, and from all walks of life. But all are stories of profound caring, stories of pioneering families who put love above all else and come out accepting, even celebrating the courage and specialness of their transgenered loved ones.

Several chapters include the following:

- A mother's description of her "daughter's" third birthday when the child is dismayed to find a lacey dress from her grandmother. She tells her mother she isn't the kind of child who likes dresses (she hadn't willingly worn one since age 2), and added, "Just tell grandma I'm a boy." This child has persisted and is now a pre-teen, living full-time as a happy, athletic, and very bright boy.

- An Iranian mother's story about her different, depressed and suicidal "son", who was persistently abused outside the home. "He" was eventually correctly diagnosed in Iran, but was brought here for better resources and social acceptance. The former son is now living happily as a woman.

- A mother and father's joint writing about their unhappy daughter, who eventually became their son -- and an amusing story about his achieving a **legal** gay marriage (also Jewish/Catholic) in a state that does not allow even a postoperative transsexual to change his birth certificate.

- A long-term spouse writes that going through the transgender process with one's spouse is often like going through the five stages of grief. She then vividly describes each stage --Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance-- and her invaluable learnings gained through a lengthy couseling process.

- A spouse in a long term marriage, which has parented ten children -- two "home made" and eight special needs adopted children -- writes of her spouses process from crossdresser, through ransition, to full-time womanhood. She also describes the humor of their situation; once while shopping, their Afro-American child ran after the white woman walking ahead shouting, "Hay, Daddy!"

- A fifteen year old English girl writes a letter to her "father", telling him that she and her Mum have decided he should proceed with his transition because they know it's important to him and they will adjust. But the school counselor doesn't know anything about this kind of situation. "Please, Daddy, will you get me some help?" (She has written since publication that she and Emily are doing just fine.)

The book also includes a glossary, a current list of trans organizations and a trans-family reading list. Several essays, --an Introduction by Jessica Xavier, Foreword by Robert Berstein, and Preface by the editor about her own family experiences, --round out this highly informative book. The added short and humorous quips and butterflies flitting throughout make it an easy read. It is predicted to be a best seller within the trans community and is certainly ideal for families of all kinds of transgendered persons.


Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought


Editorial Reviews

Review

'Must read' is hardly adequate - it is a must-feel, must-understand kind of book...plunges the reader into the kaleidoscopic diversity and courageous decisions of transgendered experience. -- Patricia Nell Warren, author of The Front Runner

Trans Forming Families is one of THE, yes THE most PRO-FAMILIY books I've ever read. If you know of any grandparent, parent, sibling, spouse or child who is having difficulty dealing with a transgendered family member or spouse, you would show them a great act of love by getting this book into their hands. END -- Phyllis Randolph Frye, founder and past ED of the International Conference on Transgender Law and Employment Policy

From the Publisher

Our Trans Loved Ones, Mary Boenke editor

Want the ultimate book to give to your family when you come out to them? This is it. Self-published by Mary Boenke, the PFLAG parent who [helped] start the push to include transpeople [and their] parents in PFLAG, this book is entirely a collection of essays submitted by parents, siblings, children, SOs, and friends of transgendered people. If none of these essays touch your heart, check yourself for a pulse. More to the point, if none of them touch the hearts of your family members, give it up and disown them; they obviously turned to stone a long time ago.

I was impressed with the fact that the book is pretty evenly divided between MTF and FTM stories; in fact, they alternate pretty regularly. Ms. Boenke is herself the mother of an FTM son, and understands the need for the less visible transmen to be represented in a work such as this one. I was also impressed with the sheer number of essays, and the many different voices involved. I found myself wishing that these were my blood kin; a sensation that many transfolk who read this book may also experience. Not every story starts with unconditional acceptance; many of the essay writers struggled for a long time with their issues before coming to a place of confort with their trans loved ones, but it is notable that they all eventually did. These illustrations of positive struggle can be role models for our own struggling kin and friends as they wade through the confusing morass of our transformations.

Although all the essays are reasonably well written, given the nonprofessional author list, a few stand out in my mind as favorites. "A Transsexual in Teheran", by Zari Ghasemi, hesitantly discusses the brutal treatment her male-to-female child Noosheen was given while growing up in Iran; you could sense in the pit of your stomach, through her understated narrative, her fear that her daughter would be dead by adulthood, either through murder, execution, or suicide, if they had not left the country.

"You Never Had A Daughter" by Susan Bennett, explores the journey of a mother whose FTM child finds out about transsexuality on the Internet. "Birthing New Life" by Loree Cook-Daniels tells about a lesbian couple who deal with one partner's need to transition to male at the same time that the would-be FTM is pregnant with their child. And, of course, Tamara Alexander's stunning "Silence=Death", about her intersex partner Max who battled sucidal depression and the physical legacy of infant genital mutilation to become a whole and healthy person, is in my admittedly biased opinion the best number in the book. Review by Gary Bowen, Coordinator-In-Chief, American Boyz.

This groundbreaking work provides unprecedented insight into the diverse personal experience of families with transgender members. It will be of great value to all families dealing with transgender issues, as well as to others with an interest in learning about how families cope with such issues. It is to my knowledge the first such [transgender family] compilation, and without question the leading work of its kind. It will surely find a receptive and grateful community of families, friends, supporters, and service providers. We all owe Mary Boenke a debt of gratitude for its creation. Review by Nancy Nangeroni, Host, GenderTalk radio, Former executive director, International Foundation for Gender Education


Product Details

  • Paperback: 164 pages
  • Publisher: Walter Trook Pub; Likely 1st Edition edition (January 31, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0966327217
  • ISBN-13: 978-0966327212
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.4 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,053,165 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Roxie Howard, a child of the Cold War, grew up both inside the United States and overseas. Against substantial odds, and to the surprise of some, Roxie blossomed into an awesome lady. Roxie's husband died of cancer in July of 2008 and Roxie faced the triple challenge of empty nest, depression and grieving. Some saw Roxie as an angel while others believed she was possessed by the devil. No matter how one feels about this imperfect delight, one thing is very clear: Rather than accept a destiny based upon accident of birth, Roxie lived her destiny based upon deep conviction. Her writing is as delightful and imperfect as her life. Roxie is also one of forty (40) authors of the 2nd Edition of Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, and a 3rd Edition was published in February, 2008. Roxie is also the Author of The Brain God Gave Me, published in 2008. The Brain God Gave Me is available in Kindle and paperback.

 

Customer Reviews

7 Reviews
5 star:
 (4)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:    (0)
2 star:    (0)
1 star:    (0)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.6 out of 5 stars (7 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
Share your thoughts with other customers:
Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Journey to Acceptance, July 5, 2000
This review is from: Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones (Paperback)
I might be cheating in writing a review since I have an essay in this volume, but I would have bought a copy even if my essay was rejected. This is a collection of stories from various people that have transgendered folks in their lives. From parents, kids, spouses and so on, and how their journey to acceptance happened. This is a great book for someone to read that has recently found out that someone in their life is transgendered. To realize that others have felt the same way, had the same concerns.

Handy to have on the bookshelf if you are in the process of coming out and someone wants something to read to give them more information.

Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read? Nope - GOTTA HAVE!, April 18, 2001
This review is from: Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones (Paperback)
This has to be one of the most powerful books I have ever read on how families deal with a Transgendered child. I cried, I yelled, and I recieved hope that some day, some where, people will understand.

This is a must for families and loved ones.

THANK YOU, Mary!

Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A great comfort to trans people and/or loved ones of people who are transgendered., January 8, 2006
By 
Book Lover (Ventura County, CA, United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones (Paperback)
I believe being born transgendered is not a lifestyle choice, but probably coded in DNA somewhere. This book factually and carefully outlines the facts of life for transgendered people and their loved ones. These short stories will take the reader through a multitude of emotions, but end at one great and comforting thought...the issues can be dealt with and the transgendered themselves, as well as family and friends can come through this with grace. I ordered my copy through PFLAG T-Net and the author herself, sent me a personal note. I am a Christian, but a welcoming Christian who believes that all humans were made in His image. Because we are lucky enough to have come after Jesus Christ AND live at a time of modern medicine, the condition of being transgendered can be treated medically. While I am not transgendered myself, I have a loved one who I think is. I plan on keeping this book in my library and give it to that person when and if the time is right. A must have for anyone who is, cares about a trans person or who is curious about trangenderism.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No

Share your thoughts with other customers: Create your own review
 
 
 
Most Recent Customer Reviews





Only search this product's reviews



Inside This Book (learn more)
Browse and search another edition of this book.
First Sentence:
It has been a little more than four years since the first edition of Trans Forming Families was published, and in that time so much has happened. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
gender variant children, trans people, trans persons, gender transition, transgendered people, transgendered person, reassignment surgery
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Social Services, New Kids, Daddy Danny, North Dakota, Peace Corps
New!
Books on Related Topics | Concordance | Text Stats
Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Search Inside This Book:





Tags Customers Associate with This Product

 (What's this?)
Click on a tag to find related items, discussions, and people.
 

Your tags: Add your first tag
 

Sell a Digital Version of This Book in the Kindle Store

If you are a publisher or author and hold the digital rights to a book, you can sell a digital version of it in our Kindle Store. Learn more

Customer Discussions

This product's forum
Discussion Replies Latest Post
No discussions yet

Ask questions, Share opinions, Gain insight
Start a new discussion
Topic:
First post:
Prompts for sign-in
 


Active discussions in related forums
Search Customer Discussions
Search all Amazon discussions
   
Related forums





Look for Similar Items by Category


Look for Similar Items by Subject