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Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing Paperback – April 28, 2009


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Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing + How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful + After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Of all the books on infidelity, this is the first that pegs the aftermath, accurately in my view, as a trauma that results in a "stress disorder" with a clear plan for healing. Insightful and helpful. --Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want
 
Dennis Ortman writes with generosity and grace about a very difficult topic. This book is honest, compassionate, and clinically smart; his strong spiritual message makes the subject of infidelity far more hopeful and humane. --Pat Love, EdD, author of The Truth About Love
 
Dr. Ortman is right on in calling an infidelity a trauma. By uniting the wisdom of Western psychology with East-West spiritual traditions, he offers rich, practical guidance and hope. --Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?

From the Publisher

* A psychologist uses post-traumatic stress disorder as a model for the wounded partner to explore rage and emotional pain and learn the secrets of recovery.
* An estimated 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriages.
* Includes spiritual exercises, such as guided meditations and journaling, to aid recovery.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Celestial Arts (April 21, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1587613344
  • ISBN-13: 978-1587613340
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (32 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #164,766 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

44 of 44 people found the following review helpful By informed_shopper on June 16, 2010
Format: Paperback
This book is easy to use to find the information you need quickly. This book gives tools for healing in a format that is easily accessible. Ortman outlines the symptoms of post traumatic stress quickly, and explains them well. I would think that if someone wants the information in this book, then a lengthy read to find helpful information would be tedious.

This book is a long-overdue clarification of what can really happen in response to infidelity, to contrast the previous limited view that the partner of someone who was unfaithful is automatically codependent (implying that they had a sickness and control issues). Ortman, on the other hand provides compassionate insight into understanding the traits that make one more vulnerable to post-traumatic responses so that people feel empowered. His seemingly accurate approach applies the post traumatic stress model to infidelity responses with uncanny clarity. This is a very valuable compendium of information for quick insight and long-term healing.

This book by Ortman offers sensitive and well-aimed tools. It can also serve as a reference for someone experiencing post traumatic stress because of abusive relationships in general (traumatic work relationships, betrayals, abandonment, traumatically betrayed friendships, etc.).
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Moniker Monika on July 16, 2011
Format: Paperback
Enormously helpful. I discovered my husband had a long-term emotional affair which was escalating into a sexual tryst in February 2011. I wish this had been the first book I bought to navigate the painful seas that one has to sail to regain stability. Written with compassion, it can be a touchstone during the days when one wants to slip back into denial, pretending the betrayal and the lies never happened.
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20 of 23 people found the following review helpful By NurseJ on January 28, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book has been amazing. Granted I didn't experience a traditional "affair," it completely pin pointed exactly how I was feeling from the betrayed partner's point of view. His model of comparing affairs to PTSD couldn't be a more accurate depiction of how I have felt and he gives several examples and tips to dealing with affairs. It is such a huge relief knowing that the whirlwind of emotions I have experienced is normal. Such a great buy, I would recommend it to anyone who has been through any sort of affair or betrayal by their partner.
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15 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Jess Hayes on January 10, 2014
Format: Paperback
I thought this would be a really helpful book, but instead, I found it very rigid, simplistic, and limited. It's possible that it's just not the right book for me at this point. If you are on the fence, I would do a quick look at your library's collection first to see if they have one available.

Some positive notes I can make are that his trauma metaphor makes sense for infidelity and his model for recovery makes sense. His inclusion of Buddhist and Native American thought adds useful perspectives; by illustrating his points this way, the reader has a higher probability of getting something from the book. More important, in each section he offers exercises to help reduce the trauma, and I've found some of them useful.

Although I recognize with the symptoms of PISD, the help I have found to cope with my partner's affair comes mostly from Impossible Love: Or Why the Heart Must Go Wrong and When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Susan Severson on April 25, 2014
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book helped me a lot. I don't read many self help books, but this one was excellent. It is very helpful and an easy read. You can read this book in 3 days. This book offered good advice and made you think outside the box, review your life decisions, and look at your personality traits. It helped me move forward and make positive changes and decisions in my life. I highly recommend this book if you are struggling with depression and going through a difficult time in your marriage.
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13 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Simon N. Dunn on August 15, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Great book. Well written, helps to make sense of the emotional turmoil that the betrayed finds themselves buried in. Contact Beyond Affairs Network and read! You are not going crazy your feelings are justified and with knowledge and support you can survive and have the potential for growth!!! Remember one thing your old relationship is over but there is the potential for it being better after healing takes place. It will be difficult to believe in the early days of discovery but know that you aren't going crazy and you have a right to feel whatever it is you're feeling.
This book is written with some religious perspective and may not be for everyone but helped me through the painful part of the discovery and recovery! Good luck!
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful By T on December 15, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
The author explains very well the process of pain that happens when an affair happens in a marriage. It is very helpful. So that after a long marriage and in the middle of cancer if your spouse cheats and says it wasn't planned and you find out and also hear they are living with them and then you are told they left them and you buy a home and a few days later you are deserted...this book will help you to see that the world spins and you can go on even though your spouse did a pretty good job of destroying everything in your life that you hold dear.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By GK on September 6, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Easy read and easy to understand. It really helps you to understand infidelity and how to cope. It does not excuse the action but helps you dig deeper into yourself, your partner, and your marriage to help decipher how it happened. There are many feelings and choices that couples go through during infidelity, this book really helps you to understand each feeling and choice. It will definitely help you to move forward with or without your partner. It made me realize I am not alone and all the feelings are natural; it brings a sense of peace. Great book!
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Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing
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