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Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing Paperback – April 28, 2009

4.3 out of 5 stars 37 customer reviews

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Frequently Bought Together

  • Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing
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  • How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful
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  • After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful, 2nd Edition
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Of all the books on infidelity, this is the first that pegs the aftermath, accurately in my view, as a trauma that results in a "stress disorder" with a clear plan for healing. Insightful and helpful. --Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want
 
Dennis Ortman writes with generosity and grace about a very difficult topic. This book is honest, compassionate, and clinically smart; his strong spiritual message makes the subject of infidelity far more hopeful and humane. --Pat Love, EdD, author of The Truth About Love
 
Dr. Ortman is right on in calling an infidelity a trauma. By uniting the wisdom of Western psychology with East-West spiritual traditions, he offers rich, practical guidance and hope. --Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?

From the Publisher

* A psychologist uses post-traumatic stress disorder as a model for the wounded partner to explore rage and emotional pain and learn the secrets of recovery.
* An estimated 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in their marriages.
* Includes spiritual exercises, such as guided meditations and journaling, to aid recovery.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Celestial Arts (April 21, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1587613344
  • ISBN-13: 978-1587613340
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,982 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
This book is easy to use to find the information you need quickly. This book gives tools for healing in a format that is easily accessible. Ortman outlines the symptoms of post traumatic stress quickly, and explains them well. I would think that if someone wants the information in this book, then a lengthy read to find helpful information would be tedious.

This book is a long-overdue clarification of what can really happen in response to infidelity, to contrast the previous limited view that the partner of someone who was unfaithful is automatically codependent (implying that they had a sickness and control issues). Ortman, on the other hand provides compassionate insight into understanding the traits that make one more vulnerable to post-traumatic responses so that people feel empowered. His seemingly accurate approach applies the post traumatic stress model to infidelity responses with uncanny clarity. This is a very valuable compendium of information for quick insight and long-term healing.

This book by Ortman offers sensitive and well-aimed tools. It can also serve as a reference for someone experiencing post traumatic stress because of abusive relationships in general (traumatic work relationships, betrayals, abandonment, traumatically betrayed friendships, etc.).
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This book helped me a lot. I don't read many self help books, but this one was excellent. It is very helpful and an easy read. You can read this book in 3 days. This book offered good advice and made you think outside the box, review your life decisions, and look at your personality traits. It helped me move forward and make positive changes and decisions in my life. I highly recommend this book if you are struggling with depression and going through a difficult time in your marriage.
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This book has been amazing. Granted I didn't experience a traditional "affair," it completely pin pointed exactly how I was feeling from the betrayed partner's point of view. His model of comparing affairs to PTSD couldn't be a more accurate depiction of how I have felt and he gives several examples and tips to dealing with affairs. It is such a huge relief knowing that the whirlwind of emotions I have experienced is normal. Such a great buy, I would recommend it to anyone who has been through any sort of affair or betrayal by their partner.
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Format: Paperback
Enormously helpful. I discovered my husband had a long-term emotional affair which was escalating into a sexual tryst in February 2011. I wish this had been the first book I bought to navigate the painful seas that one has to sail to regain stability. Written with compassion, it can be a touchstone during the days when one wants to slip back into denial, pretending the betrayal and the lies never happened.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
After going through a divorce, therapy, forgiveness seminars, and a new marriage, I still had emotions popping up that I did not want to be part of my life anymore. This book explains how that is normal and gives you ways to pinpoint the hurts, reasons, and ways to move on. As soon as I started reading this book, I knew it was for me. I had dealt with many parts of my former marriage, but this book helped me to deal with myself. I definitely believe in taking what you can and leaving the rest, and since I had already made some of the choices the book presented, I just skipped those parts and spent time on the pieces I still needed to heal. There are active exercises that ask deep questions to get to the root of your own feelings from your past, even some that are prior to the infidelity. I think if you put the time and effort into this book, you will get something out of it. I believe if you are looking for a comprehensive book to seriously and realistically look at your feelings and are ready to get your life back completely, then this is the book for you. Ortman doesn't advocate leaving or staying with the offending spouse, in fact I don't think the author is judgmental about any piece of the affair, but advocates doing what is best for yourself and your situation. I do feel like this book has helped me move into a new chapter of my life.
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Format: Paperback
I thought this would be a really helpful book, but instead, I found it very rigid, simplistic, and limited. It's possible that it's just not the right book for me at this point. If you are on the fence, I would do a quick look at your library's collection first to see if they have one available.

Some positive notes I can make are that his trauma metaphor makes sense for infidelity and his model for recovery makes sense. His inclusion of Buddhist and Native American thought adds useful perspectives; by illustrating his points this way, the reader has a higher probability of getting something from the book. More important, in each section he offers exercises to help reduce the trauma, and I've found some of them useful.

Although I recognize with the symptoms of PISD, the help I have found to cope with my partner's affair comes mostly from Impossible Love: Or Why the Heart Must Go Wrong and When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships.
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