Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach [Paperback]

Howard Glasser (Author), Jennifer Easley (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1999

Transforming the Difficult Child brings to life a new way of shifting intense children to a solid life of success. The Nurtured Heart Approach puts a refreshing spin on both parenting and teaching and reveals new techniques and strategies that create thoroughly positive behaviors. This is the newly updated 2008 revision.

Editorial Reviews

Review

After applying these strategies for less than a month, my difficult teenage daughter is incredible. --Parent. Everything we tried in the past was making the situation worse. Now our intense child is intensely wonderful without medications. --Parent/Educator. This is absolutely the most worthwhile information I have ever learned. My hyperactive child is now my amazing child. --Parent/Therapist

I have read dozens of books, tried dozens of programs with no change in my child's behavior what so ever. This book has changed our lives! We started implementing the steps and the very first day we saw a change in our child. Life has become pleasant and peaceful without any compromises. Our child is helpful, considerate and no longer talks back. He does his chores before we ask him and his room has stayed clean for three weeks without any nagging!!!! I highly recommend this book to anyone with a difficult child! --Parent/Educator

Like many of my peers, I too want to do the best possible job raising my children. The desire to be respectful and supportive does not always involve consistent discipline, but it should! Anyone with a sensitive, loving child can benefit from this book. Any parent who feels like they have tried every trick in the book to promote good behavior in their children, but can't seem to gain compliance in their kids, will benefit from this book. I was recommended this book by our psychologist, whom we have been seeing because I ran out of coping strategies for dealing with my very sensitive, very smart, and very compliant child who seemed addicted to PUSHING MY BUTTONS!! Turns out, the very emotional responses I had to my child's poor behaviors, was promoting the very things I was trying to;punish away; Time outs escalated into screaming matches and made me feel like a drill Sargent, not very productive, and definitely not respectful or supportive! Transforming the Difficult Child has opened my eyes to; accentuate the positive; and;down play the negative; In short, shifting all of my aggravated tirades into positive reinforcement of GOOD behaviors. Within two weeks of implementing this style of attention, my 5 year old was more relaxed, more cheerful, more agreeable and happier than I had ever seen him. In turn, he was also less anxious, stopped a nervous habit of lip licking that had been with him for two years, and lots of chapped skin! He now knows that he is good MOST of the time, and only bad once in a while. I was failing to acknowledge his good behavior, because that is what we think of as; expected; but He was feeling as if he was always bad, because our energy was always spent on correcting bad behaviors. Please read this book if you recognize any of the above story, or if you know someone who is in constant power struggles with their children. This book has a simple, gentle, loving and supportive plan of action that will change your Family for the better, even if your child isn't difficult. After all, we all want someone to acknowledge our good behaviors, who better to do it than your parent!! --Parent

From the Publisher

Comments from Readers

"We had lost hope. This approach has saved our family. We were spinning our wheels. Everything we tried in the past was making the problems worse. Now our intense child is intensely wonderful...without medications."

"My child was diagnosed with ADHD. I thought it was a death sentence. We couldn't go an hour without an argument or some horrendous incident. Now I know peace and pleasure for the first time in many years."

"This is absolutely the most worthwhile information I have ever learned. My hyperactive child is now my amazing child."

"Our child was in therapy for years. The more she got in touch with her feelings, the more she seemed to take her anger out on us. It's hard to believe, but after applying these strategies for less than a month, my difficult daughter is now a cooperative and pleasant young person."

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Nurtured Heart Publications (April 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0967050707
• ISBN-13: 978-0967050706
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (115 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,797 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #10 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Pathologies
  • #11 in Books > Medical Books > Psychology > Pathologies
  • #21 in Books > Education & Reference > Schools & Teaching > Pedagogy

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

117 of 118 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars If you THINK you need this book -- GET IT NOW! January 18, 2002

By CannedAm

Format:Paperback

My son was diagnosed ADHD (severe -- and I mean SEVERE), bipolar, and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) nearly four years ago; shortly after he turned 7. Those first three years were pure hell. Between behaviors, education issues, medication issues, and regular everyday "boy stuff" -- I was losing hope. In my research on these different disorders -- particularly ODD as it was the one I was least familiar with -- I came across rather frightening info -- particularly that ODD that isn't stopped becomes CD (conduct disorder), which basically guarantees a life in prison or as a social
outcast of some other sort for the person in question. That's incredibly frightening for a parent to learn. Not only was my son diagnosed with something that was not very treatable, but if it didn't respond to treatment he was in for a lifetime of hell. I also read that the only thing PROVEN to be effective against persistent ODD is in-home intensive therapy. Well, we did in-home counseling and it didn't do much (more or less parent training, and it wasn't new information at all). I did get wrap-around services for my son, which includes an in-home mental health aid 4 days a week (now it's three, soon to be two). THIS is what worked:

The groundwork I lay as far as behavior management and a positive discipline plan is contained wholly in this book. "The Nurtured Heart Approach" is the *only* approach that I felt good about, was easy to apply, was easy to stick with, and - most importantly - *WORKED*. This behavior plan, which includes a great point system at the end of the book-- was applied religiously and with total disregard for any protestations from my son (and daughter -- she's not got all his diagnoses, but it's a darned good plan and applies to an easy kid, too). Anyway, this plan was applied by *everyone* who worked with him -- at school (it's part of his IEP), at home, when visiting relatives, etc. Let me tell ya -- you *do* notice a difference
right away. It might be subtle at first, but today is one year since I started the nurtured heart approach with my son and he's a different kid. Honestly. His behaviors have been stable for 6 months now. We haven't had an outburst (fit of any kind) in two months. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone with a kid who has an ODD, ADHD, or bipolar diagnosis -- or is just plain difficult. My son's oppositional and defiant behaviors are no longer a huge issue. He's as oppositional and defiant as any other kid -- within the "normal" range and THIS is do-able. I can handle everyday, typical defiance -- ODD defiance/noncompliance is a BEAR.

This book and its plan will get you going. I created a short form for the point system that I printed out and used daily to mark off the points earned (bonus points, points for not breaking the rules). At first we used a dry-erase board, but sometimes the rules/bonus items got smudged or wiped off and it became apparent that something easily reproduced was better. I
did point cards on business cards -- printing up a ton of 5 point, 25 point, 50 point, 100 point, 500 point cards. Several months ago we found it necessary to print 1000 and 2500 point cards -- THAT's how well my son is doing.

This plan is the one that worked. We've done 1-2-3 Magic! and several other plans that not only didn't quite cover everything or did not leave a child's self-esteem intact and this is the only plan that I felt 100% good about - in my heart and in my head. AND, this plan covers EVERYTHING. It will work if you follow it and stick with it. And believe me, positive discipline plans are NOT like diets -- not all of them work if you just stick to and with them. Not every positive discipline plan out there works. THIS ONE DOES.

Thank you Howard Glasser!

70 of 71 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Our Success with this Approach September 11, 2002

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

I learned of Tranforming the Difficult Child in May of this year, and began implementing the recommendations (with resolve) with our 10 year old son immediately. Everyone who knows him saw an immediate, major improvement in his ability to listen, to get and stay on task, to control his actions, to have meaningful conversations. These gains began in the first couple of days, and have accelerated ever since.

Our son's official "diagnosis" if you will, is ADHD non-attentive type and Non verbal learning disorder. While fun and likeable (also smart) is still immature for his ten years. He had never once had a best friend in his class (his long-time best friend is in fourth grade). With the confidence and ability to control that he gained through our application of the nurtured heart techniques, he has made not one but fourfriends in the fifth grade class!!!! He's enthusiastic about school, was crushed not to have made "Responsibility Club" this week (homework snafu) - a problem of prosperity. His teachers have embraced the form I adapted from your book. It's come home everyday with feedback, and in fact the highest scores possible, each and every day (they love the form).

Like many parents, I have tried many, many angles to help our son. Nothing has worked in the past. Implementing the approaches in this book has changed our lives.

58 of 60 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Your child doesn't have to be the most difficult... September 23, 2003

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

This book has changed the entire mood of my home. One of my twin boys had a short fuse. I could never tell what would set him off or why. We tried all kinds of parenting approaches: 123 Magic, Parenting with Love and Logic, counseling. They all worked on twin A but not twin B. We couldn't figure it out. Then, we started to think that, perhaps, he had ADD. Late one night, I came across a review for this book on an ADD website. At 2:00 am, a parent is willing to try anything. I went straight to Amazon and ordered it. The results were immediate. Not only does this approach give you simple techniques, it predicts how the child will respond and how to handle it. The thing is, I never would have purchased this book if I had seen it in a store. My child was nowhere near as difficult or active as the kids described in the book. Not purchasing this book would have been my loss. For the first time in a long time, I get my child. I understand what he needs and why. Because I understand, I'm willing to do the things I need to do. It's great being a successful parent.