Customer Reviews

Transforming the Valley of Grief

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I have read many books on loss and grief. Few are written specifically to men and by a man who has dealt with grief. Some books will offer how men and women grieve differently. I appreciated this easy to read book. BUT, this does not mean women should not read it! It can help us understand how men grieve and as I read through it, I could understand much of it, because though men seem to grieve more silently, both men and women do grieve and go through many of the same stages.

What I liked the most about Transforming the Valley of Grief, is at the end of each chapter is "Notes to Self" (things to consider from the chapter, encouragements for growing) and "Notes to Others" (for someone reading who may not necessarily be grieving but want to know how to understand those who are grieving. I appreciated the very blunt "Notes to Others" in helping them understand). Below are two quotes from these sections.

"Notes to Others: If you are asked to be the "Jonathan" for the grieving "David," you have a high calling from God. Your friend will literally be "out of his mind" from time to time along the way. You are to be the ballast to keep the ship from capsizing. You may also need to suggest and help with difficult decisions. May God give you grace as you walk that dark Valley with your friend." (p. 26)

"Notes to Self: You will never be fully "healed" of your wound. Accept that fact! But the intensity of that wound should lessen with time. Be sure to thank God for His healing grace as you feel this happening in your life." (p. 73)

Transforming the Valley of Grief is small in size and just 131 pages, making for easy reading. There are also discussion questions at then end of the book, which along with the "Notes to Self" and "Notes to Others" would be ideal for group discussions.

Transforming the Valley of Grief was provided for review by B & B Media Group and the above expresses my honest opinion. Below is a summary of the book, provided by B & B Media Group.

There are many books out there on grieving, but few specifically meant for men. "Women usually process grief verbally; but men retreat to their caves to grieve in isolation, or at least they are expected to do so."

Transforming the Valley of Grief is a book on grieving for men written by a man. Thomas O. Mason takes you through his own loss of his wife, Karen, to cancer, hoping to help men work through their grief. He interprets his wife's passing to the likes of a personal Tsunami, overwhelming and powerful, trying to drag you under with grief.

However, Thomas takes you through the `Valley of Achor'(trouble) on through the `Re-entry' period and `Up-Valley of Living.' How long that lasts is individualistic, but he hopes to share his glimpses of glory and ideas that got him through. What to do to keep yourself busy, yet focused. Not allowing any days to linger on indefinitely in grief with nothing to occupy your time. Friendships, especially an accountability partner, to get you through and keep you on target. He deals with topics of Staying Afloat, Doing the Work, Flash Floods, A Door of Hope, and Re-entry in life again.

As a woman, I found this to be a very insightful book on the process of grief for men. Definitely a good book for a man you know going through the death of a spouse.

Although it's a couple of days after Christmas, this is still a timely book, for grief is not limited by the calendar. This is a good book for a man who is grieving as well as for his friend who wishes to learn what is helpful -- and what is not! The chapters are brief and relatively easy-to-read. (I say that with the understanding that nothing is easy-to-read in the midst of heartache!) The practical suggestions help the reader put feet to the concepts in each chapter. If you or someone you love is walking the journey of grief, grab a copy for him and one for you as well!

When a man has to deal with grief, relatively few resources exist to help him through the process. The closet thing might be A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, in which he talks about the death of his wife Joy. But it's more a discussion of the intense personal loss Lewis felt, with little guidance for others. And the culture generally expects men to deal with grief differently - we're more accepting of the process for women (I know - a totally politically incorrect statement - but that doesn't make it any less true).

In November of 2004, Thomas Mason, a professor at Northwestern University's Department of Materials Science and Engineering, celebrated a normal Thanksgiving with his family. The next week, his wife went to the doctor with stomach pains. Seven weeks later, she died from cancer than had spread from her colon to her liver. And Mason went through a personal "tsunami" that transformed his life and left him in a struggle he was ill-equipped to face.

He got through the grief of losing his beloved wife of 31 years. And one of the things he did was to write about it. And that writing eventually became "Transforming the Valley of Grief," designed especially to help men cope with the loss of a loved one - and to help other men help a man coping with grief. The book is not a how-to manual, because every death, every grieving experience is individual and different. But it is a guide, and one that helps fill the resource gap.

Mason organizes the book around dealing with the initial shock and pain; relying upon resources like friends and one's church; the need for personal time, including a retreat or series of retreats; the need to avoid making major changes immediately; relying upon another man who can come alongside; and the idea of the process of grief, a process that includes setbacks and unexpected "relapses." Each chapter concludes with questions and guides for both the man who's grieving and the friend who's trying to help him through that grief.

"Transforming the Valley of Grief" is a book that should be read before it's needed - because you never know when you yourself will face "the valley of trouble and grief" or when you will be called upon to help someone go through that process. Read it before you need it.

Thomas O. Mason has penned a valuable work in the pages of "Transforming the Valley of Grief: Men Finding Hope and Their Path Following the Loss of a Loved One". I requested this book because I have watched my husband grieve the loss of both of his parents over the last four years, and have felt helpless in the area of being able to comfort him or lessen his pain in this area.

What this book did was open a dialogue that has proven to be a healthy part of the recovery process. After reading about half of this book, he approached me and started talking about the pain of his own loss and that of others who he has observed over the years. He realized that he still has so much in his life for which to be thankful, and that he should be dwelling on that rather than the loss he has suffered. For this realization and the conversations that this book has initiated, I am very thankful.

Thomas Mason lost his wife of 31 years, Karen, to cancer. His journey through the grief process was normal, hard, and personal. As he processed with his family, friends, counselors and other people that shared his faith, he made it through the darkest days of what he calls his Valley of Achor (meaning the Valley of Trouble). He also read several books on grief which gave him insights for working through his tremendous loss.

Part of his recovery was journaling his story and being available to help others who were going through similar experiences. What has resulted is a very simple and meaningful book, Transforming the Valley of Grief, about how to survive a devastating loss.

Mason writes his story from a Christian viewpoint and is liberal in the use of scriptures throughout his book. He doesn't share these verses as a means of constructing the correct method for overcoming grief; instead he shares the passages that were personally relevant to his own recovery. He is honest that he has spiritualized some verses outside of their original intent, but when a man is drowning in a storm, he looks for anything that will keep him afloat. These particular passages helped him do so, and as a reader it is easy to understand why.

The book is a great resource for people who are grieving as Mason has included thinking points at the end of each chapter for those in similar traumatic experiences. He has also listed thinking points for friends of people going through this valley. These helps were written with grieving men in mind, but I wouldn't hesitate to suggest this book for either gender in this situation.

Simple writing, short chapters, and thoughtful resources, make this a good book. Brutal honesty, significant loss and a healing heart make this a significant story. If you are reading books that favor the clinical side of grief, I would suggest reading this one alongside. What you will find here is a healthy and hopeful perspective.

I received a copy of Mr. Mason's book through a blog tour, because a friend of mind had just lost his wife, plus I was intrigued to find a book written from a male perspective on such a painful topic. I looked it over, read bits, and felt it would be a good book for my friend. I never expected that the book would have such impact on him, and his two grown children. I am so thankful to this author for being willing to share his grief and give such helpful guidance at the end of each chapter not only to the one grieving but special notes for those around them, too. I highly recommend this book.

This book is informative and helpful. I'm not a man, I haven't lost a spouse, but I have experienced grief - and this book helped.

Tom has done a terrific job of writing a book for men who grieve and those who walk with them.

If you know someone who has lost a spouse, buy the book and read it. It will help you be a better friend. Are you in the valley of grief? You will find this book a great companion.