Customer Reviews

Transylmania [Blu-ray]

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This movie is nothing more than a pitiful reimagination of the Apple Pie series in a vampire milieu. Please understand, though, I'm a 34 y/o guy with a tremendous appreciation for the comic/horror hybrid genre and am very easily prone to guilty pleasure, B quality movies. However, I've since moved on from my fraternity days and am no longer prone to being suckered by the constant barrage of zit cream commercials, despite the all so zingy endorsements by Jessica Simpson. That said, I'm sick of sophomoric humor - films with a cast all of whom you're shocked survived birth, let alone puberty, and puerile jokes that are nothing more than cheap potty jokes. Good comedy, even that that revolves around ribald unmentionables, is good insofar as it relates to the story and reinforces it. This movie is not that. Its the standard grab bag of stupid comedy elements, each of which stands relatively alone and in no connection with the story. There's the hot internet girl who happens to have a big hunchback, then her father, who happens to be a midget who speaks like a chipmunk. Why? It adds nothing more than an immediate shock laugh that just drones on and on meaninglessly as the story devolves into nothingness. That all said, if you're a fan of sophomoric humor, and i get it - there's a huge market for this - you're likely to enjoy this movie. If you're not, and, like me, was thinking this could be a fun experience in the comic/horror genre, run away.

*1/2

If studios could do product recalls, the witless and inept "Transylmania" would be high on the list of returnable merchandise. This truly pathetic stab at horror movie comedy involves a group of brainless college students from America who enroll in a summer school session held in a vampire-infested castle in Romania.

The incoherent storyline is matched by the amateurish acting and low-grade humor, which frequently reaches back - badly - to old Marx Brothers and "I Love Lucy" routines for laughs.

Actually, the movie has seemingly saved all its clever and funny parts for an epilogue that runs all of six minutes. If the other ninety had been half as good, we might have had something here. But, any way you slice it, "True Blood" this ain't.

Directed by: David Hillenbrand and Scott Hillenbrand
Starring: Patrick Cavanaugh, James DeBello
Running time: 92 min. Unrated - 2009

How would one describe the movie "Transylmania"? It feels like a cross between "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and one of the many bad sequels to "American Pie." A group of students go to Romania to study abroad as vampire chaos ensues. This movie had its moments as the stoner characters were pretty funny but that's about it. The movie had a lot going on but nothing of any real substance, even for film of this genre.

Don't bother.

Transylmania, which reunites the creative team and principal cast (and characters) of National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze and Dorm Daze 2, is a better horror spoof than all the installments in the Scary Movie franchise combined. Granted, that's a sign of how low the bar has been set for contemporary movie parodies, since Transylmania is vulgar, juvenile, gross and not particularly funny. But it at least tells a story rooted in bona fide horror movie cliches rather than stringing together a random series of witless pop-culture gags.

Though it says "from the creators of Dorm Daze 1 & 2", Transylmania is better than either, albeit not by a whole lot. This fairly raunchy comedy follows a group of high school students on a trip to Romania, only to run afoul of vampires and other paranormal oddities. Cases of mistaken identity, a hunchbacked girl and her nefarious midget father, and a sexy vampire hunter are the orders of the day here, and while there are a few laughs to be had, they are sadly too few and far between. Still, there are enough visual gags, hot babes, and James DeBello to hold your attention, but for the most part, Transylmania doesn't offer anything you haven't seen or laughed at plenty of times before.

I could say "Transylmania" is the worst vampire comedy of all time, but I'm keeping that title in reserve until Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer released their forthcoming vampire movie spoof, because nothing is eerier in the pitch-black night than toilet jokes, Paris Hilton, pop culture jokes that will soon be dated five minutes after the film's release, and people getting hit by random moving objects (keep the status-quo, two of the six writers from "Scary Movie"). But make no mistake, this movie came straight out of a septic tank. It is devoid of any pleasure, even with its fair share of boobs, because it tried its earnest to make me hate everything regardless if it's living or not.

The ghastly frat tale is about a gang of sex-fiends, weed addicts, and ditsy girlfriends on a long trip to the Transylvania University for good times (because I guess they can't afford Cancun). There, they met a midget and a hot 'vampire hunter', the latter is on mission throughout generations to kill a vampire legend named Radu, who just happens (for convenience misunderstood gags) to look like the pathetic horny lead named Rusty. Vampires are causing a ruckus on the unsuspecting jerks in order to revive a vampress, and what proceeds is the gang getting high, getting laid, going on rave parties, rinse, repeat, regurgitate. There's also a sub-plot where Rusty meets his girlfriend from the internet, but when he finally met her, an ugly surprise groveled him in disgust, but then it's the whole Jenifer/Leela argument in that she has attractive features despite her deformities (but hey, that's just me).

"Transylmania" may not bear the National Lampoon name, but since the directors of the film made the first two "Dorm Daze" movies and this was suppose to be a third outing of the series, it is unofficially a National Lampoon movie and thus has all its patented 'qualities': fart jokes, gay jokes, sexism, and pigheaded frat-ernization. None of the characters show any kind of sympathy, especially those like that druggie who cheated on his girlfriend with her twin sister, while the girlfriend thinks he's a good influence despite him taking drugs right in front of her. They're either total jerks, incompetent spazes, or completely brain-dead like the cheerleader who makes Britney from "Daria" look wise.

To be fair, I anticipated such depravities. When it comes to National Lampoon, nothing is shameful to the name. Nevertheless, whether this film is suppose to be a spoof or a comedic take on the vampire genre, it failed to do either. So much time is on the characters doing stupid things that they made me wish "Transylmania" is made by Eli Roth or Ron Jeremy, because if the movie's not torture porn or regular porn, all it does is just make me mad.

its funny its better then the first two movies. if u watched dorm daze 1 and 2. u will love this one

This movie which didn't even get a blu ray release: is actually just a pothead drug humor movie disguised as a horror spoof. Most of the characters are dopeheads who are completely selfish, and without a care for anyone else.
which does match most of the drug cultures values completely sadly. Most of the humor involves the idea of dumb drug users in a castle with real vampires. It's the type of pot movie where a character can have her head cut off and noone is really upset or too surprised instead you get the feeling that this is ok as long as they can take a hit. Scary movie was about horror movies this isn't really it's about drug using with a horror backdrop. It's not the actors fault and the movie has cool castle sets for sure but although it's amusing it's really in the pot humor vien. The dvd looks great though and it is unrated. This was a complete bomb at the boxoffice one of 2009's worst earners on the big screen. MOst potheads were at home staring at their home screens rather than this one.

It's not meant to win an Oscar. It is however one of the funniest movies I've seen in a while and a sure fire bet for a quick and easy laugh on those days that you need a pick-me-up. I don't understand all the negative reviews. The movie never pretends to be anything that what it is: a stupid, feel good comedy. Give it a chance. Given some of the stupid stuff people think is funny these days, I am suprised this was as poorly reviewed as it was.

I've got to admit that this film was so corny and creative it was quite entertaining. If you take it with a grain of salt, you'll love it. If you attempt to take it seriously, you're watching the wrong flick. It's a little gross and shouldn't be viewed by the young ones, but I was impressed with the overall presentation. The one aspect I didn't go along with was the beautiful young hunchback lady. I don't know why the guy was repulsed by her. Let's be honest...she was/is hot! I'll leave it at that! If you want mindless candy, this one's for you! Enjoy!