Rarely do people change without going through this process unless the pain of staying the same outweighed the fear of doing something different. We will sit in our “stuff” until the unpleasant consequences of our actions become unbearable. Until the pain gets so bad we must change or die. And, some people would rather die than change—and do.
There is another way. With the right methods we don’t need to suffer like a tooth gone bad waiting until our head is throbbing in agony before we call the dentist and ask to be seen immediately. With the right methods we can choose to give up what doesn’t work for us before it becomes excruciating.
That is what this book is about. Your reality will be validated—that change is difficult. But you will examine exactly what you very much do want to change but haven’t been able to so far. You will gain a true understanding of what it takes to make a change and have it stick. Most importantly, you will learn practical skills to transform at your own pace.
The key to long-lasting change is at your pace, in your own unique way. Making changes in your life is personal. It is based on two factors: being willing and ready. Be willing to honor your personal pace; have faith in the process of getting ready. It will get you where you want to go.
Reference will be made throughout the book to this special principle of being “willing and ready” to change by removing the roadblocks that have gotten in the way. There are two types of roadblocks.
1) External ones that can’t be controlled, such as a loved one getting sick or dying, a tornado or other natural disaster occurring and obviously stock market fluctuations.
2) Internal roadblocks we create ourselves when we feel threatened. These are protections that often become self-defeating beliefs and behaviors.
If these ideas make sense and you are comfortable about what you feel, then this book is for you. Take a risk and follow this process. You will make the changes you want for yourself. The journey may not be entirely painless, but it will make traveling through this book (and through life) worthwhile. So come with Arlene on a journey and discover the essence of what she believes with all her heart:
First be WILLING to give up old habits that are keeping you from living the life you desire. Being willing means you are agreeable to these terms:
You are willing to change your perception; to make a commitment to begin; to give up resentment, grudges, self-victimization and denial. You are willing to practice acceptance, you are willing to forgive yourself and others; you are willing to open yourself to new ideas.
Second be READY to give up your wornout habits. Being ready is quite different from being willing: Being ready is having the capability. To be ready is a developmental task. When you were small, first you learned to sit, then crawl, then stand, then walk and at last, talk. You may have been willing to walk and talk, but you were only able to do it when you were ready—not when your folks were.
We can only take the next step when we are ready. But, when you are ready you don’t have a problem practicing skills to make your life easier. When you are ready, you just do it. However, it does require work to become ready. Just as you practiced over and over until you finally took your first steps, as you had to get ready to walk. Your body needed time to build the muscle support that got you ready to walk.
The difference now is what you need to get ready. You would still need muscle support not to walk, but to walk five miles, if you have been sedentary. However, as an adult to become ready to leave self limiting roadblocks behind, you need “inner muscle” support. That is what getting ready to change means building inner strength. It is the groundwork to begin making your own positive choices. It is being ready to choose that makes change possible. Until you have developed this substructure, you may flounder and fail at moving past your limitations.
The methods for being willing and getting ready are woven throughout this book. In each chapter you will discover a number of different processes. For instance, in chapter two, you will find a list of 13 power points that will pave the way to being ready. It is like being on a ladder and working on each point. Each skill it offers gets you to the next rung until you reach the top.
Take your time. Each leg up is a support for the next one. Each step you take will bring you closer to becoming an independent thinker. Try out some of the suggestions, work on the ones that “fit” for you. Live by them and soon Remember it is at your own pace and in your own time. You will be ready to travel beyond your life’s roadblocks.
One more observation: Every book you read and learn something is because you let your mind focus on the words and ideas and then gave yourself free rein to wander through your own thoughts and come to your own conclusions. When you center on the themes the author has in mind and then let your imagination sort through what is meaningful to you, you usually have a number of “AHA” experiences those flashes of creativity and intuitive feelings that are the core of who you are. These moments are the gems and riches that make life worth living.
