Customer Reviews

Tripping the Prom Queen: The Truth About Women and Rivalry

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

On the plus side, this is an eye-opening book. The human animal is by nature, I guess, a pretty envious creature -- and when overt competitiveness is frowned upon (as it is for women generally), the spirit of competition can find some ugly outlets. Much of this book is composed of quotations from the 500 interviews that Barash conducted; these mini-stories dramatize how close to the surface female envy and insecurity lie. I hadn't quite realized all of this, or perhaps I should say I hadn't wanted to know it. Once Barash lays out the evidence as to how hard we women compete and how devious we can be, well there it is!

On the other hand, the book is a bit long on story-telling and short on analysis. Especially bothersome, to me at least, is the author's failure to distinguish fully the evidence and anecdotes that she gleans from TV and the movies from her real-life interviews. Interleaved with factual material are vignettes taken from Roseanne, Sex and the City, Friends, Desperate Housewives, and so forth. For example, just after describing competitiveness between women in the medical profession (and with hardly a pause), Barash suddenly launches into a recap of an episode she saw on E.R.: "a young nurse living with a doctor feels envious of an attractive resident who develops a crush on the same man..."

Hello! Not real people! You'd think that someone who is a "professor of critical thinking..." (see book flap) might provide a little more in the way of distancing and questioning than the introductory "Although the E.R. writers try to create happy endings for women" (167). A fuller and more analytic attempt to unpack the various ways that media and fiction shape narratives about women might help to explain how we got where we are and be a better first step to understanding what we can do about it than the book's simple exhortations to be nicer and more supportive to each other.

Still and all, read with a certain skepticism, this is an interesting study -- and it is well written enough. It goes beyond discussing the problem to offering solutions, though I remain less sanguine than Barash that simply resolving to be less envious is really going to change human nature.

After encountering one of the worst situations regarding women in the workplace a few weeks ago this couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I first saw Diane Sawyer from Good Morning America talking about it and immediately went online and ordered it. I read it cover to cover however it would have been more helpful if more solutions were offered in the different situations. Even though the author covers solutions the majority of the book is focused on confirming what most of us know when it comes to jealousy, rivalry, and envy. However it doesn't hurt to see it in print - a real reality check. If all females would read this then maybe we could start correcting the problems.

Finally a book that blows the cover on what women really do to one another and how to face the reality. Barash shows us all the ways in which women rival one another, while they pretend they're not the least bit envious or competitive. I found the book both revealing and honest--I admit I saw myself and my friends in some of her interviewee's stories. The last third of the book shows us ways to make things better and this was quite useful. A delightful read about a subject no one has touched yet.

I loved this book. While she says in the introductory that the book is an exposure of the behavior and not a self-help solution, it would have been nice to have more solutions.

Exposing the behavior was GREAT! I learned so much about my own behavior and that of the people with whom I work. It helped me to ask some better questions concerning my own behavior toward other people and it opened up some great dialogue in our office!

Ms. Shapiro Barash's witty approach to the serious topic of female rivalry manages to be both entertaining and informative. Without minimizing the issues, she describes how "Snow Queens and Soccer Moms" spar over their children and "Perpetual Beauty Contests" last a lifetime. But her strategies for overcoming the relationally aggressive behaviors driven by competition and jealousy are what may help readers most. They should be part of every girl's middle school--or perhaps elementary--education.

In her book, Tripping the Prom Queen, Susan Shapiro Barash "found hints of a dark secret, a problem that everyone seemed to sense but no one was willing to talk about; women's rivalry."

Few women are eager to share that they struggle with envy, jealousy and competition in general let alone with their close friends but Barash had five hundred heterosexual women willing to participate in her research. There were many who initially wanted to pretend that they were just fine, that no, they did not in fact struggle with any of those negative feelings, but a few more questions into the survey and they would let loose. In fact, 65% willingly admitted to being jealous of their best friend or sister.

Sadly, Barash noted that women become more liked when others are able to pity her; they are foul weather friends who enjoy the company of misery but become jealous and envious when this friend is happy, loses weight, falls in love. Hilary Clinton's popularity rose during the Monica Lewinsky scandal; Martha Stewart was more likeable when she had to do jail time. Competition, envy and jealousy can be relieved by human frailty and misery.

Oscar Wilde said, "Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success."

Barash remarks, "One thing became crystal clear... there is something irresistible in tripping the prom queen. No matter how good our own lives are, no matter how much we know better, no matter how we try to remember the importance of female solidarity, every single one of us has at least one moment of looking at a powerful female rival and savoring the fantasy of bringing her down."

Susan Shapiro Barash is a gender expert who writes from a feminist slant; she would like for the soccer moms and the career moms to get along but in the end she has no answers. Ultimately the book falls flat, ending with yet another example of envy, jealousy and competition.

Tripping the Prom Queen is a great title. The start of the book was captivating; women actually mostly hate each other and wish one another ill. There are lots of anecdotal accounts of women and their troubles with other women, trouble with their mom, their sisters, their best friend, their co-workers...

Unfortunately, the book continues with anecdotes and never gets to the point of telling us what to do about all this hate. It is a fascinating point that never arrives at a conclusion.

This book would have made a great article for a magazine or newspaper but as a book it ran thin.

I don't know why I odered this book, I thought it was about something
else. I read the book and was astonished even though I've suspected
this about women for a long time. I almost felt like a voyeur reading
this book. Being a male, I work in a office with 15 women and two men
and this book gives tremendous insight into how women operate. Every
man should read this book.

I first read this book in print a few years ago then bought the Kindle version. It's a powerful work telling powerful truth. I am an avid supporter of women, served two years as president of my corporations women's network, support younger women on the way up, and participate as much as I can in events focused on women's success. What is always lacking in the organizations is the TRUTH that women can hurt each other more than men do. The men just watch it happen. As long as we are busy trampling on or holding each other back, they won't have to worry about us. Pay attention at work. If it's happening to you, speak up, change friends, change jobs. If you are guilty, stop it and realize there can only be room for all of us is WE make room. I just had a situation at work where two women who I thought fully supported me for a promotion actively worked to ensure a much younger, far less qualified male got the position. This is support? Give me a spork in the eye instead, please.

On a more personal note, I first read this book after a "friend" made a serious play for the man who is now my husband. We were in a rough patch, yes, and he was being stupid by responding at all, yes. But what I could not grasp was how SHE could do such a thing. Then, in this book, I read that there are women who want what you have... not because they TRULY want it (or him)... rather, simply because you have it and they do not. Suddenly it was clear... she'd wanted to meet every man I dated before I met my husband. That all clicked after I read this book. She is no longer my friend. He is still my husband... who won? I lost a "friend", trust was damaged, and I regard women with less trust than ever when it comes to my man. I know there are many of you to whom this has happened... this book might help you realize it's not personal... it's a problem with HER. And if you ARE her, get some help for your issues, please.
Read this book, ladies. It opened the eyes of this feminist. We won't truly be able to reach success until we are willing to face down our own demons...and say out loud that sometimes, those demons are ourselves and each other. Healing is possible, but only if we are willing to go there together, with forgiveness and love, and REAL support for each other.
Women rock! Let's rock the world TOGETHER!

Women have a harder time with boundaries which is why in the world of competition they are more dangerous. Spy agencies learned long ago that men compartmentalize their lives while women cannot. Women spies were much more successful in sabotage missions because they could hide as wolves under sheep's clothing much easier. Ever wonder why women in leadership positions endure better in male dominated fields? The other women are few and far between and like many a Queen Bee in history, an Empress will defend her throne with far more subversive tactics than a man. An excellent book to know how to keep your friends close but your enemies even closer.

We live in a society that like to talk about feminism, women power. women network groups, women social clubs or even women only fitness clubs. There has always been this idea that female friendships are similar to what we see on TV and movies - think of "Sex in the City" as an example. My personal experiences in both personal and professional life were the opposite on what I read in the magazines or saw on TV. I was never truly "part of the (female) gang". Well, am I glad I came across this book. I was curious to hear what author has to say about female rivalry: at work, amongst friends, within family memership. Her intensive reasearch that included interviewing over 500 women from around the country from all different social backgrounds is an eye opening.

This book, its author and the topic of research belong to what I would call "post-feminist" era. It is an eye opener to what is really going on in the society today in both professional world and personal frienships amongst women. If there is a valuable information for any woman of any age living in any size city and working on any professional level. The book helped me understand that jealousy, rivalry and comptetition are real and women will go at all lenghts to get what they perceived entitled to. This book also gives possible solutions to uncomfortable situations and feelings women encounter when facing such obstacles. As I said - I only wish I came across this book sooner. This book helped me fully understand the female psyche and teach me hope to cope with it in every day life. Must read for every woman of any generation.