55 of 56 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Overcoming Excessive Shyness in Children and Adults, August 23, 2001
This review is from: Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Shyness & Social Anxiety (Hardcover)
Help is available for shy people!
Triumph Over Shyness points out that shyness is a trait that almost everyone shares to some extent. But we differ in the degree of that shyness and what causes it. For some, shyness closes off options. It may make a person nervous or uncomfortable with others, and keep a person from being able to act in the ways they would like to act. When that occurs, many people will want to become less shy. This book is very helpful for those who want to change.
Let's start with terms. "Shyness refers to a tendency to withdraw from people, particularly unfamiliar people." "Social anxiety refers to the special kind of anxiety or discomfort you may experience when you are around other people."
The causes are rooted in biology, learning, and experience. We react to situations we fear with strong hormone discharges that make us ready to flee. That saves us from danger, but becomes inappropriate when there is no danger. Bad experiences with other people may cause us to associate danger to being with strangers. That experience can become learning that triggers more hormones when the appearance of that situation recurs. Also, we can develop fear from seeing others in fear . . . especially parents and friends. So, you can get caught up on a negative cycle of self-reinforcing fear. Sometimes the symptoms themselves make it worse. For example, you may perspire when feeling anxious, and that also makes you concerned that others may notice.
People with social anxiety issues are likely to have other problems including marital discord, depression, alcohol or drug abuse, or other anxiety disorders. One-third have major depression. These issues arise with youngsters as well as adults. The book deals with both.
You can treat the problem, which is the good news. You can use self-help, talk-based therapies, and medications. The book suggests that you pick the one that best fits your situation, and try it out. Based on the results you get, then try the next logical one if you still need help. For example, those who are only anxious some of the time might start with self-help. Then, they could use talk therapy to relieve the areas where self-help didn't cause enough progress. Some medications have short-term effects, and could be used if talk therapy failed to cure a remaining few areas.
In part two of the book, you get extensive information on how to employ self-help techniques. These focus on helping you identify the source of your social anxiety problems, change your thinking in anxiety-causing situations, and change your behavior when you feel anxious. The book is filled with questionnaires, diaries, and suggestions for how to diagnose and treat yourself. I suspect that most will improve from using these methods, for at least their minor issues. There are many helpful suggestions. Basically, most people start out pretty shy and experience reduces that effect. This section is attempting to create those positive experiences and enhance your skills.
The final part of the book works on improving your people skills. Those with excess shyness and social anxiety probably are a little behind the curve here. You are given simple ideas for how to handle eye contact, smiling, listening, starting conversations, small talk, being a better conversationalist, telephone calls, criticism, praise, and meeting people. You are encouraged to set simple goals, track your progress, and keep practicing.
At the end of the book, you are encouraged to begin by deciding you want to do something, choosing a treatment, being flexible in pursuing the treatment, being patient, practicing, and opening up your life to others.
The book has a nice, gentle tone that puts you in charge of your shyness. "There's nothing wrong with being shy." Unfortunately, as the authors note, "Many people aren't happy about being shy." This book is for those in the latter category.
I have known some people who have been treated for social anxiety, and everything the book said certainly was reflected in what I observed. The book is also filled with case histories of people with fairly difficult problems, so you don't have to feel weird or unusual. If you are experiencing panic attacks and extreme symptoms of shyness, I suggest that you consider trying the medications. Many people are helped by them, and some have few side effects. With that boost, you may be able to do more with self-help and talk therapy.
After you finish this fine book, you should take an area where shyness is holding back your progress and commit to using at least some of the self-help methods to improve. Be sure to hesitate to procrastinate in overcoming any shyness that bothers you.
Imagine all the wonderful experiences you will have with people you have yet to meet! The best part of your life is ahead of you!
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30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Clear step-by-step guide for shy individuals, March 20, 2002
This review is from: Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Shyness & Social Anxiety (Hardcover)
Clear, step-by-step guide for shy individuals who want to help themselves
Drs. Stein and Murray have written a well-organized book that covers the subject matter well without being overwhelming. For individuals who desire more detail on specific areas, there is an appendix that refers the reader to appropriate books, organizations and Internet resources.
The book is divided into three sections: The first, "Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety" defines the problem and explains how social anxiety fits into one end of a continuum of human behavior. It helps one determine whether one's shyness is a benign personality trait, a moderate inconvenience, or an urgent clinical problem. Bulleted lists enumerate specific symptoms that may be associated with social anxiety. I particularly liked the subsection on other conditions that are commonly associated with social anxiety. In this and other sections, they discuss how self-medicating with alcohol or drugs can lead to chemical dependency. There is a section on choosing the right treatment. I mostly agreed with this section but would have liked to see more on choosing the right therapist. Too often, people start work with a therapist without inquiring into the therapist's credentials or finding out whether the therapist has any way of being reached after hours.
The Second Section was my favorite. If you do not have the time or energy to read this entire book, focus on this section. The book is mostly oriented toward self-help, so this part includes specific techniques to help the individual deal with both the physical and the mental aspects of the anxiety. There are several simple worksheets and instructions on how to use them. The authors give examples of clear useful goals and also give examples of goals that are too vague or are unattainable.
The third section deals with ways to enhance one's social life. This is something often not seen in a clinically oriented book. Once an individual has overcome his or her initial shyness, he or she may still be left with social deficits. Because of long-standing shyness, the individual may not have had the opportunity to learn and practice starting a conversation or asking someone for a date. This section is only able to cover these issues with a broad brush. However, the appendix lists several sources of more detailed information.
I would recommend this book for individuals who want to take the first steps to overcome their fear of social situations. The book may also be helpful for professionals who want to learn more about how their patients can actively help themselves.
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30 of 33 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
My Shyness, Your Shyness & American Extraversion, April 3, 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Shyness & Social Anxiety (Hardcover)
This is a very good & new contribution to the American self-help tradition of 'conquering shyness' ... But there are other approaches that might be considered by shy people -- approaches which actually dare to question the anti-shy ideology of American popular culture. Three I see on Amazon currently are: "My Shyness, My Self" ... "The Gift of Shyness" ... and "The Highly Sensitive Person" ...
Shy people, and friends and family of the shy, might want to explore these books for their "shy-positive" outlook. Self-acceptance and a proper understanding of individual temperament are, after all, among the criteria for positive mental health.
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