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Wow!
Oh, what I also would give to hear a commentary track by the director and cast! Their brains should be put in glass jars and displayed in a medical museum somewhere upon their deaths! This is one for the ages. If you haven't seen it, remember the way RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK starts off on a high of adventure with that cave escape and then keeps trying to top it? Well, TROLL 2 starts out atop the Mt. Everest of stupidity and then miraculously keeps upping the stakes. It's the zenith of moron creativity! When you're holding your sides for the tenth time from laughing and think to yourself the "actors" can't possibly deliver another so-called line of dialogue in a way that's any more disjointedly absurd yet painfully sincere to top the last one, THEY DO IT! Talk about alternative reality! The CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI looks like an episode of THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW next to this. Just a small sampling of my favorite high points:
Grandpa Seth's unintentional and uncanny ability to sound - whenever he tries to pass on an eerie warning to his grandson - like a pervert!
Teenage Holly's scary-hip dance moves (for wooden acting she makes Brooke Shields in THE BLUE LAGOON look like a piker)!
The classic early conversation between the father and mother in which they discuss why and how they are trading houses with a strange farm family they don't know (David Mamet, eat your heart out)!
The subtle subtext choice of the actress playing the mother to choose to read all her lines with a "damnit-I-forgot-to-take-my-anti-depressant-medication-again-today" delivery.
The wacky pack of Holly's boyfriend and his friends - all of whom seem to have the brains of emotionally immature six-year-olds transplanted into their sixteen-year-old bodies (be sure to look for the hilarious sharing-the-same-bed quick cut-away shot too)!
The family's ingeniously logical plan to starve themselves for days on end to punish young Joshua for peeing on their dinner in order to save their lives (don't ask)!
The line that's right up there with "Frankly my dear I don't give a damn" and "Louie, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship" . . . "You're a genius, big sister!"
As another reviewer said, a thousand reviews can't begin to scratch the surface as to how side-splittingly bad this movie is. I say the best joke we as a planet could ever play is, the next deep-space probe we send out a la Voyager to announce our existence, we only include a copy of TROLL 2 as an example of what human beings and life on earth are really like!
***If you love TROLL 2, you must get Best Worst Movie, the documentary by Michael Stephenson! If you thought WAITING FOR GUFFMAN was pure fiction, you're wrong. This is a warm-hearted and funny look at what went into this classic. If you wondered who these people were/are, it gives you the answers (Connie McFarland grew up to be hot; George Hardy seems like a really nice guy; Claudio Fragasso is still doggedly and wonderfully deluded; Michael Stephenson turned out to be a legit filmmaker, etc). Funny, uplifting, ridiculous, sad and touching. Five stars!***
The real treasure of the DVD, though, is, by far, "Troll 2", which actually does not involve trolls, but goblins. This movie is easily the worst sequel in memory. It has an awful, incoherent script, completely moronic `plot', terrible acting, and characters actually made of cliches. This film is a treasure, and is like watching the modern invocation of Ed Wood, the muse of bad movies. Special bonus points for the secret weapon employed against the goblins! Bad movie lovers do not miss this one!
Four stars overall: "Troll" gets three stars for being an average scary movie; "Troll 2" easily earns five stars for incredible stupidity on every level. Don't miss it!
The film starts out with a family trading houses with another random family that they have never met but have agreed to trade houses with. This is, of course, a completely believable premise, as people in real life do this all the time. At least they do where I come from!
The antagonists of the movie are goblins, and why shouldn't they be? Everyone knows when you buy a movie named Troll 2 you don't actually expect to see any TROLLS or anything. Anyway, these goblins (and believe me, you wouldn't want to run into one of these nasty little buggers in a dark alley, the makeup/special effects team really went all out here) are turning the quiet redneck town of Nilbog (incase you didn't notice, that spells GOBLIN backwards - that is an almost infinitely clever name for a town overrun by goblins!!! John Carl Buechler, you are truly a GENIUS!!!) into a race of human/plant hybrids so they can eat them, because all goblins are of course vegetarians. It makes perfect sense!
The star of the movie, that kid from Neverending Story, must save his family along with some help from his beloved, dead Grandpa Seth and a bologna sandwich. It's a classic struggle of good vs. evil here folks!
If all this isn't enough to convince you to run out and buy at least 5 copies of this piece of cinematic history, there's also a cameo appearance of Sonny Bono. I can' t think of any reason why a rational, sane person wouldn't want to own this!
If you've never seen Troll 2, buy it today! Everyone should experience this film, as it is definitely one of the crowning achievements of Western Civilization.
Mother Actua series Lost in Space.
Troll 2 is by far looser.
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