Customer Reviews

Trouble With Secrets

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

As a therapist who works with abused children, I have to say that I am sorry I bought this book and will not use it.

This book is about when children should keep secrets and when they should not. Part of its purpose is to help children protect themselves against sexual abuse, but this aim is not achieved. The author uses the "good touch, bad touch" concept, which experts such as Jan Hindman, author of "Just Before Dawn" strongly discourage. ("Just Before Dawn", by the way, is a great book on sexual abuse, but written for adults, more for therapists than laypeople.) It is not helpful to a child's normal development to label sexual touching as "bad touch". It is especially devastating to the sexual abuse victim who may have had a pleasurable bodily response to the abuse, which is not that uncommon. The "bad touch" concept will make this child feel guilty and bad and even more afraid to tell. It is much better to explain to the child that, except for the doctor, no adult is to touch the private parts of a child.

Another glaring mistake this book makes is that it advises a child to tell anyone who attempts to take their clothes off or touch them in an "uncomfortable way" to say, "No! I'll tell." Tellling a perpetrator "I'll tell" could end up getting the child killed. Of course, the child should tell, but not let the perpetrator know.

Two much better books on this subject for children are "My Body Is Private" and "Your Body Belongs to You".

I was disappointed in this book because it does not address many of the critical issues involving sexual abuse. I don't like the way the book leans heavily on the tired old "stranger danger" routine. Statistics have shown time and again that in the majority of cases, children know their abusers.

I agree with a point made in the review below about how children risk their own safety if they tell a predator, "No! Stop or I'll tell!" All well and good, but predators usually cannot be kept in check by a child's warning. Children don't have the physical strength to fend off a predatory adult, so the premise seems a little shaky there. I still wish the book would address the issue of what to do if abused by people one knows. The "candy-bearing" stranger lurking on the playground, offering gifts of money, rides and other treats has long been dispelled, if indeed he ever existed. In recent years, much has been done to help empower children and their families with knowledge of what to do if faced with such a situation; how to respond upon discovery and what steps to take to ensure protection for the child or children.

Read "Your Body Belongs to You" by Cornelia Spelman; "My Body is Private" by Linda Walvoord Girard and "The Right Touch: A Read Aloud to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse" by Sandy Kleven instead. I also highly recommend Peter Alsop's collection "Songs on Sex & Sexuality," especially the song, "My Body" which teaches these important safety lessons about predators in a gentle, loving and straightforward manner.

We all have secrets, but for some kids, secrets can be confusing. This is a great book to read to or with young children, who need to understand the difference between a good secret and a toxic secret. I use it in my practice all the time, and it helps children realize they ae not alone, and that not all secrets are fun, and some even need to be shared with a trusted adult.

I bought this book in hopes to find something for my nephew to read and understand about certain secrets. In hopes to get something more wide range then what was in the book. It doesnt explain very well about secrets and the whole purpose of "good touch and bad touch" it says "you know the differnece" and doesnt really explain that even parents may want you to keep bad secrets. Except for the small note that its confusing if a parent wants you to keep something from the other parent. Not to mention that this book is made of very cheap paper...read the print paperback because that is sure what you get.
I wouldnt recommened this book to anybody.

It more or less will turn kids into sneaky joke playing brats because "some secrets are fun" according to the book. So go ahead and sneak up on people, and suprise them...because its "okay"
yeah right!

I liked the concrete examples used to illustrate the process of differentiating whether secrets should be kept. Also the theme of achieving competency in learning this skill of how to differentiate; this was supported by open ended questions that allow for interaction and a sense of achievement over correctly discriminating.

I found this book to be a useful therapy tool to use with my clients. I would have liked a section at the end with possible questions to pose to clients, but the book was a great first step in teaching children about secrets.

I bought this book through amazon for $7.00+. When I received the book, the US price on the back was around $3.95. Plus, I paid shipping on top of the $7. I was not happy to see I was ripped off.

This is a great book to read to any child or group of children to discuss the topic of secrets. I used it with children who have witnessed domestic violence and it was a great tool to discuss "secrets" that the children should tell and what kind of secrets are good to keep.

The idea is great, but not great illustrations and the message could be better.