Customer Reviews

Trusting You Are Loved - Practices for Partnership

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Two years ago in (my) column ("Relating" -- Hawaii Advertiser), I wrote that Dr. John Gottman, the foremost researcher on marriage interaction, concluded that in truly successful marriages, there was a 5-to-1 ratio of positive to negative messages. Lots of good strokes and very few "zingers." The question people ask is, "But how do we do that (if we are more accustomed to fighting than supporting)?" Good news: help is available, in practical terms, in a recent book, "Trusting You are Loved: Practices for Partnership" (This) is a book about "marriage gardening" that is both inspirational and practical. It teaches about compassionate listening (paying deep attention), expressing appreciation (nourishing), dealing with upsets (pruning and weeding), and experiencing safety and intimacy (harvesting the fruits of the marriage garden). The header on the back of this enormously sensible book reads: Imagine being in a relationship where you feel profoundly honored, listened to, appreciated, loved, and safe." Do we not all yearn for such a relationship? Yes, indeed. Lew Epstein, writing in partnership with his wife and daughter of The Partnership Foundation, describes how such relationships are possible. As written by exemplars of successful marriages instead of by therapists, the book is refreshingly practical and free of clinical jargon. (Their website is www.partnership.org)

I have read this book over and over again, sometimes in its entirety, sometimes in bits and pieces. My partner and I were fortunate enough to take the 2.5 day class called "Trusting you are Loved" in Dallas and it was a relationship saver! Imagine relationships without fear, distrust, anxiety and anger. This book makes it possible! I also learned that it isnt so much the relationship I have with him, but the one I have with myself that makes the biggest difference!

Trusting You Are Loved gives the reader the pratical communication tools to have a wonderful relationship that most of only dream about. The author get to the heart of why relationships fail but more importantly, he provides the steps on how to create a partnership relationship based on all the key ingredients: trust, love, respect, forgiveness, and more. I read this book in one sitting! I teach parenting classes and recommend this book to all the parents, single or married, in my classes. The relationships in my life are so much richer, peaceful, loving, and joyous having implemented these steps in each one of them. T. Altwies

In Trusting You are Loved, I received a rare gift. I felt fully acknowledged and validated for the tremendous amount of relationship work I have already done on behalf of experiencing love in my relationships AND it opened up a whole new horizon of possibility for me to continue to grow, and continuing to grow I am! I am very thankful!

The practices for partnership that are presented in this book are an invaluable resource when relating to your spouse, your other family members, and everyone else in your life, including co-workers. Even our children appreciate being heard, and it has been extremely beneficial in improving the way that I relate to my supervisor as well. The best part of this work is that it does not try to elliminate upsets. It acknowledges that they will occur, and gives you concrete tools to aid in resolving them responsibly, supporting the fragile framework that holds together relationships.

This is not about healing broken relationships or even renewing good relationships. It's about the ways to create coupling partnerships. The authors, themselves a couple, are not psychologists, and that alone is very refreshing because they create a natural language that is profound and simple at the same time. The book includes a section with couple exercises. The book is for all kinds of couples, not just married, heterosexual couples. The language and concepts are basic to the essential skills for building and maintaining a growing partnership with someone you love. Even good friends who are not in a sexual relationship would benefit from these ideas. (In my business) I have a fervent interest in couple's renewal, because it is so neglected, compared to personal renewal and corporate renewal.

What a gift! This book is that rare treat of a quick page turner And a useful "self help" reference guide. Amusing, insightful, simple and effective. I use the practices everyday. Thank you Lew, Francine & Reppy for sharing your heart with everyone. Read it, Learn it, Live it and Share it!

Sometimes it's the simplest advice, the unheeded obvious that is the most profound. These people have presented such advice that if everyone at age 21 were required to read it, how different our relationships would be, how much less suffering there would be, now much more emotional, soulful growth our relationships would have. As an adjunct to this book, I'd highly recommend Kingma's insightful, historially oriented perception of relationships, The Future of Love. These two books are the "bibles" for all of us in relationships.

I've read the book, and I've taken the class. This honestly changed my life! After reading the book I gathered up the courage to call my ex-husband and take responsibility for my part in the break-down of our marriage. We re-married 6 months later (after he read the book, too), and have been happily married ever since. I use what I learned everyday of my life. Lew Epstein was truly a genius!

This book has all the key components that make a strong, lasting relationship! This book shows step by step how to give your partner a lifetime of unconditional love as well as receiving unconditional love in return.