The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive [Hardcover]

Ph.D., Robert E. Emery (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 19, 2004

Nationally recognized expert Robert Emery applies his twenty-five years of experience as a researcher, therapist, and mediator to offer parents a new roadmap to divorce—never before laid out for general readers. Dr. Emery shows how our powerful emotions, and the way we handle them, shape how we divorce—and whether our children suffer or thrive in the long run. His message is hopeful, yet realistic—divorce is invariably painful, but parents can help promote their children’s resiliency. With compassion and authority, Dr. Emery explains:

• Why it is so hard to really make divorce work
• How anger and fighting can keep people from really separating
• Why legal matters should be one of the last tasks
• Why parental love and authority can be the best “therapy” for kids

One million children are affected by divorce each year. This unique book combines the compelling guidance of a renowned researcher and the sensitivity of a practicing therapist and divorced father to help parents and children emerge strong, independent, and ready to move into a new, fulfilling phase of life.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychology professor Emery knows firsthand how difficult divorce can be for children. He has an adult daughter from his first marriage, and while he regrets some of his behavior with regard to his ex-wife, he also recognizes that he and his former spouse were effective parents. When there are children, a divorce doesn't end a husband-wife relationship. Emery believes too many couples say they don't want their children hurt by their divorce, but the children still end up stuck in the middle, almost always facing discomfort. So, Emery writes, "The first order of business is negotiating a working relationship with your ex." Emery explains how to establish and develop the foundation of a co-parenting partnership by understanding emotions, managing anger and setting boundaries. Drawing on examples from his clients, he elaborates upon how individuals can agree on custody arrangements, schedules, discipline and other issues. In a relaxed style, Emery elucidates a very stressful subject. He doesn't sugarcoat the situation; one of his examples is about a vindictive couple whose children are hurt by their anger over the failed marriage. His book will benefit parents going through divorce, as well as attorneys and therapists who work with divorcing parents and their children.
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From the Back Cover

"Finally, an internationally respected scholar tells parents the absolute truth about divorce and its effect on children."
—John Gottman, PhD, author of The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 336 pages
• Publisher: Viking Adult (August 19, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0670032875
• ISBN-13: 978-0670032877
• Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 6.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #398,197 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Robert Emery, Ph.D. is Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia. He is the author of over 125 scientific publications and several books.

Marriage, Divorce, and Children's Adjustment (1999, 2nd Ed., Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications) won the Outstanding Academic Book award from Choice magazine, and was translated into Chinese. Abnormal Psychology (2010, Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall [with Thomas Oltmanns]) is in its sixth edition. Renegotiating Family Relationships: Divorce, Child Custody, and Mediation (1994, New York: Guilford Publications; 2nd Ed. in preparation) was translated into Italian (Il Divorzio: Renegoziare le Relazioni Familiari).

The Truth about Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive (New York: Viking [Plume paperback, 2006) has been featured when Dr. Emery presented on the Today Show, Good Morning America, The Jane Pauley Show, National Public Radio, in Newsweek magazine, and in many other print and electronic media. The book has been translated into Italian and Korean, and is being translated into Spanish and Croatian.

Dr. Emery has lectured extensively on his research across the United States and in numerous countries throughout the world. In addition to his research, teaching, and administrative responsibilities, Dr. Emery maintains a limited practice as a clinical psychologist and divorce mediator. He is the father of five children.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

38 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Divorced Parents, October 2, 2004

By 

Gunnar J. Gitlin (Woodstock, Illinois) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive (Hardcover)

As a divorce (aka) matrimonial lawyer, I review books involving the effects of divorce on children because it is important to my practice and clients. This is perhaps one of the best books on the subject. Many books on divorce are pessimistic in terms of their overall approach and focus. Dr. Emery is one of the few individuals who basis his writings, etc., on controlled studies as to the effect of divorce upon children (instead of the norm of opinions based upon anecdotes). On my own web site I have recommended this book.

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Highest Recomendation, February 9, 2005

By 

Lynn M. Selby - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive (Hardcover)

As a clinical psychologist, I am grateful to have this book to recommend to my patients who are in or contemplating a divorce. In "The Truth about Children and Divorce", Dr. Emery provides parents with an overview of the divorce research that is neither fatalistic or sugar coated. From his years of clinical practice, he offers detailed and specific "scripts" of what to say to tell the children at different ages and in different situations (such as when there is an affair), thoughts on different custody schedules and advice about establishing a co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, Dr. Emery writes in the compassionate and personal voice of someone who has coached many a parent through the difficult road of separating their pain from their parenting, and who has traveled this difficult road himself. If you only recommend one book, this should be it.

20 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Positive Direction for Families in a Divorce, September 6, 2004

By 

K. Westbury (Dallas, TX USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive (Hardcover)

This book is a wonderful resource,written with warmth and wisdom. I was both touched and enlightened by Dr.Emery's accounts. The author brings home highly useful and important concepts with an easy and enjoyable style. For myself and many of my divorced friends,parenting through divorce has presented sometimes painful challenges with little guidance available. This book offers the kind of thinking, insight, tools and reaching out that families and parents need in a difficult time. The author emphasizes putting children first, but even more, based on many years of experience and insight, actually describes for parents how to do it. It is a compelling and heartening read.