Customer Reviews

The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

As a divorce (aka) matrimonial lawyer, I review books involving the effects of divorce on children because it is important to my practice and clients. This is perhaps one of the best books on the subject. Many books on divorce are pessimistic in terms of their overall approach and focus. Dr. Emery is one of the few individuals who basis his writings, etc., on controlled studies as to the effect of divorce upon children (instead of the norm of opinions based upon anecdotes). On my own web site I have recommended this book.

As a clinical psychologist, I am grateful to have this book to recommend to my patients who are in or contemplating a divorce. In "The Truth about Children and Divorce", Dr. Emery provides parents with an overview of the divorce research that is neither fatalistic or sugar coated. From his years of clinical practice, he offers detailed and specific "scripts" of what to say to tell the children at different ages and in different situations (such as when there is an affair), thoughts on different custody schedules and advice about establishing a co-parenting relationship. Most importantly, Dr. Emery writes in the compassionate and personal voice of someone who has coached many a parent through the difficult road of separating their pain from their parenting, and who has traveled this difficult road himself. If you only recommend one book, this should be it.

This book is a wonderful resource,written with warmth and wisdom. I was both touched and enlightened by Dr.Emery's accounts. The author brings home highly useful and important concepts with an easy and enjoyable style. For myself and many of my divorced friends,parenting through divorce has presented sometimes painful challenges with little guidance available. This book offers the kind of thinking, insight, tools and reaching out that families and parents need in a difficult time. The author emphasizes putting children first, but even more, based on many years of experience and insight, actually describes for parents how to do it. It is a compelling and heartening read.

I needed some words to use to tell my teen-aged daughter and pre-teen son about our divorce. Dr. Emery wrote it is important to tell children in this age who initiated the divorce, and I used a his words, almost to the letter. So far, that has backfired with my daughter, who is very, very angry with me. I still believe the book will be a good reference, but I am ambivalent about taking his advice quite so literally.

If you are contemplating a divorce or in divorce proceedings or even divorced and if you care for your children, read this book. Not only did Dr. Emery open my eyes to what my children have esperienced and will experince from divorce but also what both their parents are experiencing. Dr. Emery's insights are both personal and clinical and his guidance always puts the children first. This book is written in a very clear and straight forward style. You won't get lost in complicated psycological explanations or depressed from a gloomy outlook for your children like many of the other books on this subject. Buy two! One for each parent.

I heard of Dr. Emery from several child development specialists I met at a seminar. They consider him to be the current expert. I bought several volumes (at full price) to give to my clients who were contemplating divorce and wanted to know what was best for their children.

My clients have raved about the book. They quote it to me, highlight sections and bring in the book with lots of bookmarks. The advice is practical and helps the clients focus on the important issues. I work with people on cooperative divorce (see divorcewithoutwar.info) and this information helps me accomplish our goal of working for the best interests of the children and keeping the divorce process civil.

I recomend this book to any one with children who is contemplating a divorce. It will really help them make good decisions and hopefully make the entire process less stressful.

This book has been very helpful in veiwing things form a child's side of things. It has helped put some of my emotions aside to do what is best for my children.

This book does an excellent job of reminding you the children are first, giving you tips for dealing with your emotions, and presenting stories about other couples which can demonstrate the message the authors are trying to relay. My problem with the book was when the authors started expressing over and over that the goal is to keep the children in an environment which is as good as it was before, and for them to continue to live the life they would have led if their parents had not divorced. I am getting divorced primarily to prevent that from happening! I do not want my child to continue to live the life he was living, or to think the relationship his dad had with either of us was the way marriage should be.
I skimmed the rest of the book after I realized this message was being so strongly portrayed, and never found a section which dealt with the fact that sometimes a divorce removes a child from a very dysfuntional family (beyond the typical "Mommy and Daddy are fighting") and how to make it ok that we are actually happier now. Yes, I completely understand the divorce has an effect on the child. But it is naive to assume their old life had qualities which we should strive to continue to have.

This book is terrific. Finally, a professional who has the courage to tell it like it is without all the doom-and-gloom that tends to pervade the divorce literature. Divorcing parents will be able to find themselves in the many excellent case examples, and find the expert advice they need to move forward in positive ways. You owe it to your kids to read this book!

I would recommend this book for anyone that is even thinking of getting a separation or divorce. Some of it seems like common sense, but when you are going through the trials of a divorce or separation, common sense can go out the window.