The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother? (Paperback)

~ (Author) "These comments aired recently on daytime TV on a show that separated working moms and stay-at-home moms-literally seated them on opposite sides of the aisle-because,..." (more)
Key Phrases: playground revolution, maternal wall, relief from work, Mommy Wars, New York, Social Security (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

An original book, with an interesting, well-substantiated argument on every page. A strong contribution to an important, ongoing debate. -- Kirkus Reviews

Product Description

The media, from Dr. Phil to the New York Times Magazine, is adamant that there is no love lost between working parents and those who stay home with their children, each fighting an ideological and economic war based on what they think is best for their children. Yet in reality, as Miriam Peskowitz powerfully discloses, parents don't want to fight one another at all; they simply want more options. Moreover, the very sides in this debate don't exist: one third of all mothers work part-time, falling into the vast abyss between full-time careerist and at-home mommy. How does the corporate climate in America force women to claim either a career or a family at any given time? Are the choices women are making—to either adjust careers, "carousel" in and out of the workplace, or quit altogether—really choices at all? And how do we expand the definition of productive worker to include an engaged parent? These questions and more are answered and explored in this moving and convincing treatise on the new-century collision between work and mothering.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Seal Press (March 10, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580051294
• ISBN-13: 978-1580051293
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #504,078 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read!!, February 13, 2006

By	Busy Mom (Ohio) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)

I am not exactly sure how I stumbled on this book ~~ where I heard about it or how ~~ but I do think this is the best "accident" that I've had in a long while. I cannot believe that there are only a few people who have written a review for it ~~ this book is really one of the best books I have read on women issues in a long time! (Ahem, people issues.)

This book is readable ~~ meaning, that in spite of the heaviness of the topics on hand, the author has taken the time and the research to show personal stories tied in with the issues. This is a great book because it's personal and informative and interesting. It flows like a conversation ~~ even though I got constantly interrupted by my husband and kids, I knew where the conversation was when I picked the book up (couldn't do that in real life though!).

I will admit that while I opted out of the rat race when I got pregnant with our twins, I really appreciated this book. I have friends who "retired" from the work force to stay home, friends who have temporarily left the workforce, and friends who work full time and part time. The issues in this book face us all. I chose not to pursue the issue I had with my former employers simply because after five years there, I knew that they weren't going to change their minds for one employee. My biggest problem is what I am going to do when my kids are in school and I would like to work in a part time job that pays well with benefits and allows me flexibility. That is an issue that a lot of women want but aren't finding in this current state of affairs.

Peskowitz also mentioned the media wars where they focus on Working Moms Vs. Stay At Home Moms and showed an entirely different point of view that is not being shown in the television shows and in newspapers or other media. She has discovered that most moms value one another. She also has discovered that there are dads out there who would like to be home more and work less so they can be a part of raising their children. (That was a favorite part of mine because my husband doesn't get to see his kids as much as he would like to because of his second shift job and I consider him a full time dad as well as a full time employee for his company!) She also mentioned housework and the drudgery involved ~~ and that employers/governments don't recognize being a housewife is a full time job in itself. The discrimination against women is mentioned too.

A huge portion of this book is devoted to the lack of working conditions favorable to moms everywhere. Women give up working simply because it's too exhausting to work a fulltime job and come home to raise a family. Women leave good paying jobs where they travel extensively once a child is born simply because it's not compatible for their lifestyles. Women have to fight to breast-feed their children or have a break to pump their milk. Women don't want to leave their jobs especially if they have worked very hard to get to where they are at, but employers are generally not forgivable for women everywhere. They oftentimes don't even provide on-site daycare centers, or pay enough to compensate a big portion of the paycheck to daycares and still have enough money left over. The issues regarding this is numerous and while women everywhere are starting to speak up, these issues are still there and won't go away till we start speaking up a little louder.

This book is simply fascinating just because she presents the facts and shares the stories of moms and dads across the country and the world as how these facts relate to them. She writes of her own experiences as well ~~ it is a book about you and me as we try to find ways to raise our children in the best way we know how. That is just what parents want. She points out that really, there isn't a war among the mothers ~~ that is a media-reality. Women and men too, want the freedom to make their choices and not have to worry about them or second-guessing themselves. They want to enjoy their family lives as it is a priority for them and still be able to work in a productive workforce.

2-13-06

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The most important book on family life this year, April 9, 2005

By	Catherine Allison Granju "www.locoparentis.bl... (Knoxville, TN United States) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Forget the much-hyped "Perfect Madness," this is the book that should be on the cover of Newsweek.

Miriam Peskowitz expertly weaves together research, analysis, personal stories and her own thoughtful insights to paint a picture of a nation of women hungry for the social change needed to end the "working mom vs stay at home mom" debate once and for all.

This is a must read for anyone interested in the zeitgeist of modern motherhood.

Katie Allison Granju
Author, "Attachment Parenting"
www.katieallisongranju.com

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An important introduction to the mothers movement of today, May 4, 2005

By	Amy Anderson-Powell "Mamazine.com" - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Skip "Perfect Madness" and read this instead. Peskowitz has researched her topic thoroughly, and it shows in this thoughtful, important book. After reading this book and "Perfect Madness," I was puzzled that "The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars" has received comparatively little media attention. Unlike Warner, Peskowitz analyzes how cultural attitudes about parenting and the ideal worker affect mothers in all socioeconomic classes - and she does so with style and grace.