Try and Make Me!: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant Child Without Losing Your Cool [Hardcover]

Tyler Norris Goode (Author), Ray Levy (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 2001

Are bad blow-ups the norm? Are you feeling battle-weary and ineffective? Do you worry that punishing your child will make him resent you and worsen your relationship?

Finally, here's a book that will address all these problems, plus help you overcome your child's defiant attitude, build your child's self-esteem, and restore the natural balance of power in your home. Try and Make Me! offers a common-sense approach to child-rearing that ends the madness, prevents future violence, and helps children become the cooperative and well-adjusted "big people" they innately want to be.

Longtime child therapists Ray Levy and Bill O'Hanlon first explore the various ways a child becomes defiant-- some are born that way; some take their clues from their parents. Then, the authors center in on control-who has it, what it means to the defiant child, and how adults like you can regain it in a way that actually helps your child grow. For example, don't always try to stop your child from making mistakes--he needs to make them to grow.

Next, you'll Learn how to use Levy and O'Hanlon's seven-step program for changing behavior. From targeting a specific behavior you want to alter to keeping track of progress in a journal, this easy-to-follow plan will give you the confidence you need to press on and will make a profound difference in the life of your child and yourself.

Try and Make Me! emphasizes the importance of avoiding power struggles with children and provides many clever ways to do so, including proven techniques such as "Brain-Dead Phrases," "Academies," "Guided Compliance," and "Pulling in the Reins." These approaches will put an end to the screaming battles and teach your child that behaving is in his best interest, not yours.

Packed with enlightening anecdotes, both personal and professional, Try and Make Me! will make you laugh, cry, and nod in recognition. Its infectious hopefulness will give you courage to persist even when hope seems lost. Read this book, follow its advice, then watch the tension subside and your relationship with your child flourish.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

With little jargon and plenty of clarity, Ray Levy and Bill O'Hanlon, with writer Tyler Norris Goode, provide specific, sensible advice to parents who struggle with uncooperative children. Try and Make Me: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant ChildAWithout Losing Your Cool first defines and explains children's defiance (including the ways parents can inadvertently encourage such behavior), and then systematically explores many possible solutions. Emphasizing consequence-based strategies designed to make children reasonably responsible for their actions, the authors refer again and again to anecdotes that will reassure parents that they're not alone. Illus.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"The authors' well-integrated program helps frustrated parents avoid futile battles and take loving but firm charge of their difficult children. I will recommend this book to the parents of my own defiant young patients."--Barbara D. Ingersoll, Ph.D., author of Your Hyperactive Child and Attention Deficit Disorders and Learning Disabilities

"Written in a conversational style, this book is replete with useful methods that parents can employ with difficult or defiant children. This is a truly helpful manual for parents seeking time-tested strategies for improving their relationships with their children."--Russell A. Barkley, professor of psychiatry and neurology, University of Massachusetts Medical School, and the author of Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior

"In a very clear, compassionate, sensible, and humorous way, Try and Make Me! outlines realistic guidelines and strategies for helping defiant youngsters become more cooperative and less oppositional. I recommend this book highly not only for parents of defiant children but for teachers and mental health professionals who work with these youngsters and their families. It is an invaluable resource."--Robert Brooks, Ph.D., assistant clinical professor at Harvard Medical School and author of The Self-Esteem Teacher

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Press (January 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1579543359
• ISBN-13: 978-1579543358
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #581,741 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

49 of 50 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great advice on dealing with defiant kids, January 8, 2001

By 

Susan Tilly "soccer mom" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Try and Make Me!: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant Child Without Losing Your Cool (Hardcover)

This is a truly wonderful book for anyone with kids. Unlike so many of the other books on child-raising, this one provides more than just a one-size-fits-all approach. It has a variety of techniques for improving the behavior of your child, and most importantly, it not only tells you what to do, but how to do it and why it works. It goes way beyond the usual time-outs and consequences pablum and suggests all sorts of other techniques. It also tells you what not to do, and why it won't work.

Another way this book departs from the crowd is by looking at the parent. It's not always your kid's fault, and this book explains -- gently -- what you, as a parent, might be doing to provoke or exacerbate some of the unwelcomed behavior. For the first time, I realized why time-outs and other techiques work for some parents, and not for others.

As the mother of two kids, ages 4 and 6, I'd recommend this for everyone.

25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hope for frustrated parents, May 10, 2001

By 

George Zee (www.frzee.org, Hong Kong) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Try and Make Me!: A Revolutionary Program for Raising Your Defiant Child Without Losing Your Cool (Hardcover)

Parents who are experiencing difficulty in dealing with "defiant" children who lack the motivation to behave and "inflexible" children who lack the skills, can find much help here! This book is incisive, personal, interesting and practical. It gives hope and you are encouraged to "Never, Ever Give Up".

Key ideas are summarised in "Behavior Basics", usually with sub-headings, at the end of most of the 24 chapters. E.g. "Three Parenting Styles Likely to Produce or Aggravate Defiance. 1. Defiant parents. These people micromanage and come down too hard on kids. Making every issue a control issue is bound to create more opposition and defiance. 2. Peacemaker parents. For varying reasons, these parents will cough up money or stretch themselves to their outer limits-all to avoid conflict. 3. Apprehensive parents. ¡Kthese parents don't provide their kids with appropriate discipline and en up parenting out of fear." (p.21) If you first look through all these succinct summaries you get a good idea of the book already.

Interesting metaphors often convey the points well. Is our child like a horse, positively motivated and cooperative, or a camel, that sometimes has to be prodded (light a fire under the tail!)? Does he have "garlic problems" that he bothers others without self-awreness or "bean problems" that he is aware of causing?

The authors advocate a blending of both positive and negative motivations to prepare our children for the real world. They debunk myths about parenting ("Nothing works with these kids", "It's all biochemical"¡K). Praise doesn't work. But acknowledgements--statements that help the child figure out who he is, are a way of showing appreciation without value judgment. They are useful. Just give specific description of the behavior noticed. Also distinguish between consequences (asked to clean the room again) and punishment (grounding the child from TV for not cleaning the room). Consequences teach the child.

Look through "Brain-Dead Phrases You Can Use" (pp. 70-71) or "Scripts for Shutting Down Arguments" (pp.208-9). Short and simple replies like, "Could be", "Good try", "Sorry you feel that way¡K" can diffuse many unnecessary explosions. This is a practical book for parents, and teachers too. Those who like the book, may find it valuable to also study O'Hanlon's "Do One Thing Different" and "A Guide to Possibility Land".

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Practical ideas that work, May 24, 2004

By 

Kelly (Mesquite, Texas) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Try and Make Me! (Mass Market Paperback)

This book captured my interest immediately. The "behavior basics" are easy to understand and the practical ideas in this book can be implemented across all settings (home, school and community). I work with children in a local district. These children have a variety of behavior disorders and range in age from 4 to 17 years of age. This little book has had a big impact on these children in that behaviors are improving both at school and at home. I would recommend this book for any person that is working with and/or raising children. I carry several copies of this book with me at all times and when a parent and/or teacher asks me for ideas on how to help a child, I pull this book out and show it to them. In the past 2 years, I have encouraged hundreds of adults to read this book and to try at least one of the techniques in the book. I have always received positive feedback especially in regards to the "practice academy". The best part of this book is that it provides hope for even the most challenging child. I have personally witnessed positive behavioral "transformations" using Dr. Levy's techniques. This book is a "win-win" for parents, teachers and most of the all the children!