49 of 50 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great advice on dealing with defiant kids, January 8, 2001
This is a truly wonderful book for anyone with kids. Unlike so many of the other books on child-raising, this one provides more than just a one-size-fits-all approach. It has a variety of techniques for improving the behavior of your child, and most importantly, it not only tells you what to do, but how to do it and why it works. It goes way beyond the usual time-outs and consequences pablum and suggests all sorts of other techniques. It also tells you what not to do, and why it won't work.
Another way this book departs from the crowd is by looking at the parent. It's not always your kid's fault, and this book explains -- gently -- what you, as a parent, might be doing to provoke or exacerbate some of the unwelcomed behavior. For the first time, I realized why time-outs and other techiques work for some parents, and not for others.
As the mother of two kids, ages 4 and 6, I'd recommend this for everyone.
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25 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Hope for frustrated parents, May 10, 2001
Parents who are experiencing difficulty in dealing with "defiant" children who lack the motivation to behave and "inflexible" children who lack the skills, can find much help here! This book is incisive, personal, interesting and practical. It gives hope and you are encouraged to "Never, Ever Give Up".
Key ideas are summarised in "Behavior Basics", usually with sub-headings, at the end of most of the 24 chapters. E.g. "Three Parenting Styles Likely to Produce or Aggravate Defiance. 1. Defiant parents. These people micromanage and come down too hard on kids. Making every issue a control issue is bound to create more opposition and defiance. 2. Peacemaker parents. For varying reasons, these parents will cough up money or stretch themselves to their outer limits-all to avoid conflict. 3. Apprehensive parents. ¡Kthese parents don't provide their kids with appropriate discipline and en up parenting out of fear." (p.21) If you first look through all these succinct summaries you get a good idea of the book already.
Interesting metaphors often convey the points well. Is our child like a horse, positively motivated and cooperative, or a camel, that sometimes has to be prodded (light a fire under the tail!)? Does he have "garlic problems" that he bothers others without self-awreness or "bean problems" that he is aware of causing?
The authors advocate a blending of both positive and negative motivations to prepare our children for the real world. They debunk myths about parenting ("Nothing works with these kids", "It's all biochemical"¡K). Praise doesn't work. But acknowledgements--statements that help the child figure out who he is, are a way of showing appreciation without value judgment. They are useful. Just give specific description of the behavior noticed. Also distinguish between consequences (asked to clean the room again) and punishment (grounding the child from TV for not cleaning the room). Consequences teach the child.
Look through "Brain-Dead Phrases You Can Use" (pp. 70-71) or "Scripts for Shutting Down Arguments" (pp.208-9). Short and simple replies like, "Could be", "Good try", "Sorry you feel that way¡K" can diffuse many unnecessary explosions. This is a practical book for parents, and teachers too. Those who like the book, may find it valuable to also study O'Hanlon's "Do One Thing Different" and "A Guide to Possibility Land".
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Practical ideas that work, May 24, 2004
This book captured my interest immediately. The "behavior basics" are easy to understand and the practical ideas in this book can be implemented across all settings (home, school and community). I work with children in a local district. These children have a variety of behavior disorders and range in age from 4 to 17 years of age. This little book has had a big impact on these children in that behaviors are improving both at school and at home. I would recommend this book for any person that is working with and/or raising children. I carry several copies of this book with me at all times and when a parent and/or teacher asks me for ideas on how to help a child, I pull this book out and show it to them. In the past 2 years, I have encouraged hundreds of adults to read this book and to try at least one of the techniques in the book. I have always received positive feedback especially in regards to the "practice academy". The best part of this book is that it provides hope for even the most challenging child. I have personally witnessed positive behavioral "transformations" using Dr. Levy's techniques. This book is a "win-win" for parents, teachers and most of the all the children!
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