Customer Reviews

Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

5 star:		(29)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

It is said that no loss in life affects us as deeply and profoundly as that which we experience when a child of ours dies. Whether the child is a 6-week-old embryo, a 39-week-old fetus, or a grown adult, the mother or father in us feels a sadness that is hard to understand, describe, or come to terms with. Making the decision to try again can be courageous, impetuous, desperate--and a supreme physical and emotional sacrifice. This book can help make the decision informed.

Many books are available for people who are pregnant, who want to get pregnant, or who are grieving the loss of a baby. This book is different because it focuses on that fragile period between having lost a child and the decision to, and the act of, trying to become pregnant with another one. Instead of glossing over or whispering about death, this book faces this common experience head on, offering both compassion and practical information and advice about why this happens and how to go on from here. The personal accounts of the several women and men who went through miscarriage, stillbirth, and early infant death are especially helpful, because readers can understand that this experience is not uncommon--even though their emotional response to it may be unique.

I wish this book had been available when I lost my first baby at 12 weeks into the pregnancy. It would have helped me get through the five months of grief, anger, resentment, guilt, and shattered trust and self-confidence that followed. I plan to give copies of this book to friends, and I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to try again.

I wish I'd had this book four years ago when I first started "trying again" to have a baby. I am one of the parents interviewed for this book.

It's so true that when you lose a baby so many well-meaning people urge you to try again - as if being pregnant again will make everything better. I too thought everthing would be better but in my case my efforts to try again resulted in two more losses. I too thought that everything would be better if I could just hold onto another pregnancy. When I became pregnant fear and anxiety were my constant companions. Reading Ann's book has given me a sense of normalcy. I certainly am not the only one out there whose pregnancy was 38 weeks of near panic. This is a book that acknowledges those feelings and gives you ideas for how to cope.

The one area that I wish Ann had discussed was when you decide to stop "trying again". I had three losses before we had our precious 3 year old. We tried to get pregnant a fifth time and after a year finally decided to stop trying. That decision created another loss for us. Somehow our grief was deeper as we re-grieved all our losses and then grieved for the children we would not have.

This is a good book. I have given copies to friends that are trying again.

I think this is a very good book for some women, but I would not recommend it for the couple who has experienced one loss and are not at greater than average risk for experiencing another. I was also dissappointed that the book did not contain very much original writing, instead it was mostly a compilation of interviews. Most of the women profiled had experienced multiple losses. I have experienced one loss and the last thing I want to imagine is going through this 3 or 4 times more! If you have experienced multiple losses, and are looking for "honest" rather than sugar-coated answers to your concerns, this may be the book for you. But, if you are not at a greater than average risk, and want to focus more on the positives of "trying again," I would look for another book.

First, I must admit to a slight bias, as I was one of the bereaved parents, trying again, whom Ann Douglas interviewed for this book. Having eagerly awaited its publication, I can say that it is everything I was hoping to read and more.

Losing a child during pregnancy or shortly after birth is a tragedy that few people can imagine until they have had the unfortunate experience of living through it. Many people urge the bereaved couple to "try again" (as if that will make everything all better). They often do not realize how the loss of the previous pregnancy colours every facet of trying or being pregnant again.

As someone who has lived through the loss of a child and the birth of a subsequent baby -- as well as being a gifted writer on pregnancy and parenting issues -- Ann is uniquely qualified to explore every aspect of this largely unexplored subject. The book is thorough and presents lots of factual information, as well as the voices of bereaved parents who have made the courageous decision to try again to bring a living child home. For me, it was the stories and examples of these other bereaved parents that really "made" the book.

I would highly recommend this book for any bereaved parent struggling with the decision to try again or going through a subsequent pregnancy, as well as those in a position to provide support to these brave couples.

This is the first review I've ever written for Amazon.com, although I often shop here. I felt compelled to write because I felt that a recent review totally missed the mark about this wonderful book. The authors have done an incredible job, in my opinion, of balancing information with emotional support. They include quotes and stories from dozens and dozens of parents who have been through the death of a baby and who have somehow found the courage to try again. (BTW -- I didn't take "trying again" to imply a previous failure at all. To me, it merely refered to trying to conceive after a loss. I didn't find the title offensive in the least.) And as for the reviewer's comment about the book being potentially offensive to a pro-life reader, that comment is totally off the mark. There are one or two stories of women who made the heartwrenching decision to terminate, but there is never any attempt to say that this is the right or wrong decision. I thought the authors were very balanced in their discussion of this difficult and emotionally loaded issue.

I would urge other readers to try not to be put off by this single (and I would say unfairly harsh) review of this book. Trying Again has been a huge blessing to me during a very difficult time in my life. It makes me sad that another reader fails to appreciate what a wonderful gift these authors have given the world in writing this book.

My husband and I were told at our first prenatal visit (10wks) that we had lost our baby. One week out I was hungry for information on why this had happened to us. Having no friends that had been through this experience I looked to books. This book was great. I was able to see that all of my feeling were all right there in front of me and even some other feelings that I might experience down the road. This book was more helpful that others since it was well written for all stages of pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant death. Other books that I purchased did not make me feel that my loss was as important as those whose baby had died in their arms after nine months of pregnancy.

A previous reviewer said "People who have lost children (not by their own choice) might be careful about reading this in that if you are like me, you'll resent being put into the same category as someone who "got rid of" their child. It made me angry and I wanted to shout well I would want my child living no matter what "defect" he may have had."

Those of us who terminated also wanted living children. But some information you seem to have missed is that the vast majority of these "defects" that result in termination are fatal - pregnancies are terminated not out of selfishness, but in order to spare the child a short life filled with nothing but suffering. We're not talking about terminating a pregnancy because a baby has the wrong color eyes, or the wrong color hair, or a heart murmur. We're talking about pregnancy termination for babies who have formed with their organs on the outside of their bodies, or whose bodies have merged with the wall of the uterus, or who will be born without a brain, without bones, or without a heart. Defects that CANNOT be fixed. There's no treatment for these "disorders." There's no hope for these babies. Rather than declare that it's a child's duty to suffer just so parents can avoid making a painful and heartbreaking choice, the parents elect to terminate the pregnancy. I didn't "get rid" of my child. I let it go, because the body that it was growing in was fatally malformed.
Those of us who've had to make that choice also grieve. We also feel a huge sense of loss. But to make things worse, we're then JUDGED for our choice by people who know nothing about the circumstances.
Regardless of how it happened - unexpected stillbirth or a planned early L&D because of a catastrophic and fatal prenatal diagnosis - the loss of a baby is extremely painful. Abortion after a poor or fatal prenatal diagnosis isn't something that's discussed a whole lot, and the fact that is IS discussed in this book is extremely encouraging.

Please remember that those of us who terminated after a poor or fatal prenatal diagnosis are also hurting. We also lost a baby. Our grief is just as real as anyone who had an unexpeted stillbirth or a late-term miscarriage.
I think this book is helpful and speaks realistically about pregnancy loss of all kinds. I think it's respectful of the choices people make, and avoids passing judgement on people in impossible situations. In fact, it's one of the only books I read after my termination that seemed to address the fact that I'm someone who lost a baby too.

This book did not make me feel like I was overreacting because I "only" had a miscarriage, something that I wish my doctor and her staff hadn't done. Instead, it addressed all of my concerns, like what is the chance this will happen again. And the beautiful thing about the book is it provides ALL of the necessary tips for conceiving even while I'm am still busy healing. So, I feel like I have something positive to set my sites on when it is time. I started reading this book absolutely hopeless and have ended it feeling blessed that I had the little bit of time that I had being pregnant, without any of the guilty feelings. I realized I had done everything I could have to prevent this from happening. Honestly, I would recommend this book to anyone trying to conceive, not just people who have lost a child. I wish I had this information when I was going into this pregnancy. This book is 100% grounded in fact, which was very reassuring. Absolutely priceless to my husband and I.

Having just lost a baby to stillbirth, I ordered this book in hopes to trying to conceive again. It is a reassuring book for those of us who have lost a baby and anxiously want to try again, but are nervous and scared. The author addresses all the fears you encounter in a subsequent pregnancy and also offers a lot of tangible information. I'd certainly recommend this book to a mother who has experienced a loss and wants to try again. Now, wish me luck in conceiving!

Ann Douglas and John R. Sussman, M.D., show that there is really light at the end of the tunnel! They offer advice in a very imformative way that leaves the expectant mother full of hope. In addition, it deals with some issues that our society would rather not talk about. A must for anyone trying to conceive or have already conceived after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.