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THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING FIFTY SHADES Trilogy
"In a class by itself." —Entertainment Weekly
--This text refers to the Paperback edition.
About the Author
E L James is a former TV executive, wife and mother of two based in West London. Since early childhood she dreamed of writing stories that readers would fall in love with, but put those dreams on hold to focus on her family and her career. She finally plucked up the courage to put pen to paper with her first novel, Fifty Shades of Grey.
--This text refers to the Paperback edition.
E L James is a TV executive, wife and mother of two, based in West London. Since early childhood, she dreamt of writing stories that readers would fall in love with, but put those dreams on hold to focus on her family and her career. She finally plucked up the courage to put pen to paper with her first novel, Fifty Shades of Grey.
E L James is currently working on her next novel...
After surviving 50 Shades of Grey, and after taking a break for a few days from Ana and Christian's tortured romance, I girded my loins and cracked open the second book of the trilogy, 50 Shades Darker.
For those of you intrigued by the words "butt plug" or "fisting," half of you will enjoy your lucky day, because one of those is kinda sorta featured in this book. As it is, the only fisting we ever see - ever come close to seeing - is that of Ana's or Christian's hands in the others' hair. And that happens a lot. Not as often as Ana or Christian gasping, or Christian setting his lips in a hard line, or Ana biting her lip, or Ana coming undone, or Christian frowning. In fact, Christian's frowning is such a "thing" that, when Ana frowns, another character observes that she's turning into Christian.
It's just ... WHERE THE HELL WAS THE EDITOR?
But I digress.
To dig too deeply into the spectacle that is 50 Shades of Grey is to approach Sisyphean frustration. Trust me, because I know of what I speak. I spent an inordinate amount of time wondering how it was that Christian Grey was 27 and a billionaire as I read the first book. I don't think we are meant to really ponder this stuff. I think we're supposed to strap on our dildos and have at it, as it were.
Okay, so. When we last left Christian and Ana, she had walked out on him, horrified at the depravity entailed in his life of BDSM. (Go ahead and Google THAT, people. I had to, so you might as well.) As with its muse, Twilight, we see our heroine descend into despair, but unlike Bella's months on end, Ana really only suffers for five days. Christian gets in touch with her, and it's game on, kids.Read more ›
*******SPOILER ALERT********DON'T READ MY REVIEW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE PLOT***************
Let me state it flat out: THIS "BOOK" IS THE MOST HORRENDOUS WASTE OF PAPER AND INK [OR 1S AND 0S, IF YOU'RE READING THE KINDLE VERSION] AS HAS EVER BEEN FOISTED ON PUBLIC.
Now I want to know where I can go to regain the hours I wasted reading this drivel. If you like erotica that reads like a teenage girl's wet dream, then this crap is for you. It's shallow, silly, poorly written, unimaginative, boring and tedious.
It's so bad, that I found myself SKIPPING OVER THE SEX just to get to the end of the book.
Now when the sex parts of erotica are the least interesting parts of the book, you've got trouble my friends.
A quick summary:
Anastasia, who is never described by the author, is supposed to be smart, educated and, according to Christian Grey, "beautiful", "bewitching" and "captivating". My sense is that she's frumpy and boring. And she has no style whatsoever. She spent the entire first book in her roommate's clothes or Christian's tee shirts.
She's in love with Christian Grey--who is a character right out of the imagination of your average Twilight enthusiast: tall, gorgeous, cut, hung, a billionaire, fluent in French, flies helicopters and gliders, is an oenophile, art collector, and all around saver-of-the-world through his development and promotion of gadgets designed for people who have no money. How he's become a billionaire at the age of 27 is left a mystery. And he occasionally talks like a Brit, as when he says someone has been "taken to hospital".Read more ›
Someone please give this author a thesaurus and an editing team that cares. It's not just that the same actions are repeated over and over (and over... and over again), it's that the same words are used to describe them every time. It's like someone put 50 words in a bag, pulled them out and mashed them into a semblance of a sentence, then tossed them back in the bag and repeated the process to fill 300+ pages. Inspired by another review I actually used my Kindle to count the ones that were most painful/annoying to read:
Do the math! Lips are bitten and eyes are widened in every chapter. Someone gasps once every six pages. The main character "flushes" at least once every three pages.
Yes, the British author uses British colloquialisms that make no sense in the Pacific Northwest. Yes, the female protagonist is two dimensional and boring. Yes, her leading man is given a forced and contrived backstory in an unnecessary attempt to make sense of his kinkiness in a vanilla world. The sex scene was okay the first time I read it, but by the time it was recycled for the twelfth time or so it was just boring. And yes, in between the repetitions listed above the author inexplicably throws whatever was on her "word a day calendar" into character conversation where it sounds silly and awkward. But none of these things really destroy a good book quite like reading "I flush" for the hundredth time. Oh my!
Apologies to the fans out there. Imagine I'm writing this review with an "apologetic smirk."