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21,599 of 21,938 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Make this your only stock and store
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to...
Published on July 8, 2008 by Edgar

versus
9,036 of 9,298 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars One Friday, Without the Milk
He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he...
Published on October 30, 2006 by Amazon Customer


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21,599 of 21,938 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Make this your only stock and store, July 8, 2008
By 
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'
To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams of many Tuscans I had known before
But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'
Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -
Merely this and nothing more.

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -
Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -
Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'
Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'
Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'
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9,036 of 9,298 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars One Friday, Without the Milk, October 30, 2006
By 
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.

Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"

"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.
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3,256 of 3,372 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Combine with other foods!, August 5, 2006
By 
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
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1,994 of 2,081 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Serious Problem, August 10, 2006
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
This product copiously leaks out of my nose whenever I read these reviews.
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1,659 of 1,736 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hidden message?, March 8, 2008
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
"Tuscan Whole Milk" can be re-arranged to say "I'll know mustache". Coincidence? I think not.
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1,149 of 1,220 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Okay product but you have to buy a glass to use it., September 19, 2006
By 
troublemaker (San Francisco, CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
Don't get fooled by the easy-to-use look of this product.
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4,339 of 4,680 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Chateau du Lait Blanc, watch out!, August 9, 2006
By 
Philip Tone (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white. Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?) --- there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress. And those gentle hints of Italian flowers -- wild orchids, sunflowers, poppies. Then, one takes in the thick liquid and lets it roll across and under the tongue -- what is that? perhaps a hint of a nutty Edam cheese? With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved -- from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena. But not too fast -- sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk's texture and its terroir, but -- if chilled too long -- also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver. Tuscan is best drunk young -- no, no, don't cellar this gem -- I guarantee you'll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92.
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401 of 429 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This product changed my life., December 1, 2006
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
I'm not usually one to give in to the hype. But everyone keeps talking about this "tuscan milk" and how it's the new macarena. It's texas holdem, low carbs, and reality TV all rolled into one. But this is one fad that is sure to last.

I bought my first gallon, and not being one for moderation, I ended up drinking the whole gallon one morning. I was just going to drink a glass before work, then be on my way. One glass turned into two. Two turned into a bigger glass. Next thing I know I was sprawled out on my living room floor next to the empty gallon.

I stumbled up and made my way out the door, only to arrive at work and meet an angry boss. He said he was letting me go, and I was "no longer a part of the vision". I was angry. And very much dissapointed. I loaded my things into my car and drove away.

On the way home, my car started sputtering. All the lights came on, and my engine fell out while going down the freeway. I pulled to the side of the road, and started walking. I certainly wasn't going to call a tow truck, I can't afford it now.

I then got the bright idea to call my girlfriend. Upon answering, I could hear a man's voice in the background. She was out of breath, and certainly had just come back from a long jog. I asked if she would come and pick me up, and she said she was "indisposed at the moment". I then became more angry, and asked her why not. She promptly dumped me.

With my belly still full of Tuscan Milk, I plodded on towards my home. I started pondering why she was leaving me, and entertained the thought that it must have something to do with that man in the background. Who was he? Why was he there? Then it dawned on me. The truth, as I had then thought, had arrived.

It's that damn tuscan milk! I foolishly blamed the milk for my problems. I lost my job, my car broke, and my girlfriend left me. All in one morning! I thought the milk was the cause.

Hours later, I arrived at my home. "Nice" I thought, as I spotted the 30 day notice. The thought of now getting kicked out my house kind of made me smile. At this point, nothing could get worse, right? It's not like a gang of ninjas is going to come in and kill my family or something.

If you didn't catch the sarcasm in that last paragraph, a gang of ninjas did indeed come in and kill my family. Got em all. But still, I dont blame the milk now.

You might ask, "why Jeremy? why are you so jovial?". The answer to that, my friends, is because I'm days away from becoming a millionaire. This whole situation will be erased. With my millions, everything will change.

Fired from my job? Now I don't need one.
Car broke down? I'll buy a lexus instead.
Kicked out my house? To heck with renting, I'll buy a new one.
Family dead? I'll buy a new one.
Girlfriend left? You get the picture.

All my problems are solved!

A few days ago I recieved an email from the prince of Nigeria. I appears their government is collapsing. And they need to move 100 million dollars out of there, STAT. So they researched, searching the world for a top secret, financial mercernary to give the money to, and found me. They must have heard about my skills. So they contacted me. I get, as a commission, ten percent of the take. If you think about it, that's a pretty good deal for someone who is saving your country.

I've given them the neccessary banking information to the proper agents, and everything should be transferring soon. I will hang out in the park, where I now live, and wait for that phone call. Once I recieve the phone call, the money went through, and you are looking at a ten millionaire. I think I'll go purchase some new duds, and maybe head down to vegas and bet ten thousand a hand. I'll fly to miami and dig my toes in the sand, or jet off to Hawaii for some fun in the sun.

I'm here at the library surfing amazon, and wanted to order some milk. For some reason my ATM wouldn't go through, kept saying insufficient funds, even though there is money in there. Must be some mistake. I'm off to the bank to ask them what's up, but first I thought I'd tell you all about the milk that saved my life.

RECOMMENDED A+++++++
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1,730 of 1,871 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What Do You Mean I Can't Bring My Milk???, May 25, 2009
By 
Kevin "KP 2001" (ANNAPOLIS, Moldova, Republic of) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
I approached the Airport Security Gate and fed my bags into the x-ray machine.
"Sir," said the TSA agent, "is this your bag?"
"You know it is," I replied.
"There's no need to get testy sir," he said.
The agent escorted me over to a side table.
"Do you mind if I search your bag?" he asked.
"What will you do if I say no?" I asked.
"I'll take you in the back room and we'll strip search you," he replied.
"Then by all means, go ahead and search," I said.
The agent opened my bag and peered inside.
"What do you call this sir?" the agent asked holding up a pair of nail clippers.
"Those are nail clippers," I said.
"I'm going to have to confiscate these," he said.
"That's alright," I replied, "they sell them for a dollar in the store next to my departure gate."
The agent looked at me with hate in his eyes. He looked back into my bag and pulled out my gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk.
"Sir, you can't take this on the plane," he said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because, if you have more than three ounces of a liquid you could use it to blow up the plane," he said.
I was astonished. I had no idea that Tuscan Whole Milk was so powerful.
"May I drink it now?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, "liquids are harmless once they are inside of you."
I drank the entire gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk that I had purchased on Amazon.com while the people behind me grew increasingly inpatient.
It was delicious.
I did not blow up.
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1,111 of 1,200 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Habitat of the Tuscan Whole, August 9, 2006
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Grocery)
I was in Tuscany recently, and despite my sincerest efforts was unable to sight any Tuscan Wholes. Given the rarity of this creature, I find it hard to believe that anyone one has managed to domesticate them, let alone convince them to give milk.
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Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz
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