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20,568 of 20,881 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Make this your only stock and store
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to...
Published on July 8, 2008 by Edgar

versus
8,670 of 8,910 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars One Friday, Without the Milk
He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he...
Published on October 30, 2006 by Catherine Swinford


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20,568 of 20,881 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Make this your only stock and store, July 8, 2008
By 
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'
To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams of many Tuscans I had known before
But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'
Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -
Merely this and nothing more.

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -
Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -
Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'
Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'
Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'
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8,670 of 8,910 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars One Friday, Without the Milk, October 30, 2006
By 
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.

Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"

"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.
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2,947 of 3,048 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Combine with other foods!, August 5, 2006
By 
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
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1,784 of 1,855 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Serious Problem, August 10, 2006
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
This product copiously leaks out of my nose whenever I read these reviews.
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1,418 of 1,486 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hidden message?, March 8, 2008
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
"Tuscan Whole Milk" can be re-arranged to say "I'll know mustache". Coincidence? I think not.
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929 of 985 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Okay product but you have to buy a glass to use it., September 19, 2006
By 
troublemaker (San Francisco, CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
Don't get fooled by the easy-to-use look of this product.
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4,178 of 4,478 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Chateau du Lait Blanc, watch out!, August 9, 2006
By 
Philip Tone (San Diego, CA USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white. Now, immerse your nose in the glass and take a whiff. Tuscan transports you instantly to scenic hill towns in central Italy (is that Montepulciano I detect?) --- there is the loamy clay, the green grass of summer days, the towering cypress. And those gentle hints of Italian flowers -- wild orchids, sunflowers, poppies. Then, one takes in the thick liquid and lets it roll across and under the tongue -- what is that? perhaps a hint of a nutty Edam cheese? With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved -- from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena. But not too fast -- sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk's texture and its terroir, but -- if chilled too long -- also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver. Tuscan is best drunk young -- no, no, don't cellar this gem -- I guarantee you'll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92.
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749 of 800 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Big, May 11, 2007
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
I ordered this based on the reviews and found it much larger than pictured. *Much* larger.
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133 of 138 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Free w/ purchase, August 3, 2006
By 
Mark (Webster Groves, MO USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
It came with a free moustache. Can't ask for a better milk.
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1,613 of 1,740 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What Do You Mean I Can't Bring My Milk???, May 25, 2009
By 
Kevin "KP 2001" (ANNAPOLIS, Moldova, Republic of) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz (Misc.)
I approached the Airport Security Gate and fed my bags into the x-ray machine.
"Sir," said the TSA agent, "is this your bag?"
"You know it is," I replied.
"There's no need to get testy sir," he said.
The agent escorted me over to a side table.
"Do you mind if I search your bag?" he asked.
"What will you do if I say no?" I asked.
"I'll take you in the back room and we'll strip search you," he replied.
"Then by all means, go ahead and search," I said.
The agent opened my bag and peered inside.
"What do you call this sir?" the agent asked holding up a pair of nail clippers.
"Those are nail clippers," I said.
"I'm going to have to confiscate these," he said.
"That's alright," I replied, "they sell them for a dollar in the store next to my departure gate."
The agent looked at me with hate in his eyes. He looked back into my bag and pulled out my gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk.
"Sir, you can't take this on the plane," he said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because, if you have more than three ounces of a liquid you could use it to blow up the plane," he said.
I was astonished. I had no idea that Tuscan Whole Milk was so powerful.
"May I drink it now?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, "liquids are harmless once they are inside of you."
I drank the entire gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk that I had purchased on Amazon.com while the people behind me grew increasingly inpatient.
It was delicious.
I did not blow up.
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