1,756 of 1,781 people found the following review helpful:
Make this your only stock and store
Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
2,186 of 2,230 people found the following review helpful:
One Friday, Without the Milk
He always brought home milk on Friday.
After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he...
This stuff is so good, it is hard to believe that it could've come from a plant, well, uh, a weed actually. A perfect complement to dairy, this is for all you vegetarians out there who would like the benefit of eating FROM a cow without actually eating the cow. This is truly "udderly" fantastic. Drink up! Drink it down! Drink it over and over! Wallow in it, swallow in it, but do not underestimate the power of Tuscan Whole Wheat, Whole Corn, Whole Milk-weed, Whole Multi-grain Milk. Comes in either a big One Gallon jug, or if you prefer, a convenient 128 oz container.
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Recently, and somewhat inadvertently, I found myself transported back through time to 1955. And, wouldn't you know it, without my supply of plutonium necessary to supply the 1.21 gigawatts of power necessary to power my Delorean turned time machine back to the present age.
Thankfully, I had my recently purchased 1 Gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk and had it with me. I simply poured all of the 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz, directly into the flux capacitor and off I went back through time, leaving just a scorched set of tire trails behind me.
Not only that, when I came back parents were suddenly cool, my girlfriend was hotter, and the car that'd been crashed before I left had somehow turned into a sweet truck --- just in time too as it was the big weekend up at the lake.
As you probably can guess I stocked up and brought a new gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz, with me up to the lake that weekend (but that's a different story all together).
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This summer, my girlfriend and I decided to go on a adventurous vacation. After a quick game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors, I won the right to choose our destination. Undecided, I channeled the wisdom of Prince Akeem of Zamunda. I borrowed a beautiful globe, gave it a spin, and stopped the rotation with my right index finger. Wherever my finger landed was where we were headed! To our surprise, my finger landed on Cortona, Italy!
Ironically, the Tuscan Sun Festival was a month away! My childhood dreams of sipping fine Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 1 fl oz was about to become a reality! Instead of the 69.99 Amazon.com price, we could get it for half the price! When I realized the seats on the plane were the same exact color of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon 128 fl oz, I nearly fainted!
After checking in at the Grand Hyatt Tuscany, we decided to hit the lobby bar. There, we met Scott the bartender. Imagine David Hasselhoff, sans chest hair. Scott was cool, but he had a major sneezing problem! Maybe it was my knockoff Tuscan Whole Milk cologne (at 699.00 a bottle, there was no way I could afford the real thing). After two bottles of Tuscany's finest Pinot Noir, Scott gave us the 411 on the Tuscany Sun Festival. We were excited about the music, dancing, and delicious foods he described. We left him a fat 77 cent tip and waved goodbye!
The festival was unbelievable! Everywhere I looked, I saw kids playing and couples having sex in public! I was just about to cop a feel when my girlfriend yelled, "I FOUND IT!" What she found was a TusKan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz booth! I grabbed her hand and ran as fast as I could! As we ran, all I could think about was that cold, pus and blood infected goodness flowing down my esophagus!
The booth made me feel ten years old again! But something wasn't right. Instead of red plastic caps, the caps here were purple. MooMoo, the cow, was eating grass instead of jumping over the moon! At 6.99 a gallon, it was a steal compared to Amazon.com! Those three factors should have raised flags, but I was seduced by the beautiful, ivory hue of the plastic jug! We bought three cases, hopped in a cab, and headed back to the Hyatt.
As we each drank a jug of ice cold Tusken Whole Milk, 1 gallon, 128 fl oz, I noticed the word "Tuscan with a c," was misspelled "TusKan" with a K. Seconds later, MooMoo the cow turned into a unicorn! The last thing I remembered was Scott the bartender singing, "Hooked On A Feeling!"
To make a long story short, my life hasn't been the same since! I started off drinking gallons of Tusken every morning. When that no longer got me high, I started using Tusken Whole Milk intravenously! I now cook it with baking soda, cut it into tiny pieces, and smoke it through a Coke Zero can!
Don't be a cheapskate. Stop reading this, and order a jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz right here on Amazon.com!
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I was born without bones. Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz changed that. Just one jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz and I now have a skeleton much like any other person, granted I spend my nights feeding on the blood of innocents, but I have bones now. Yay me.
Thank you Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
PRO: Can actually create bones
CON: Might give you an insatiable blood lust only quenched by eating the souls of the virtuous.
Serve cold for best results.
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I was coming home from a hard days work when suddenly, from behind the bushes outside my 6th fl apartment, lept a man in ski mask holding a gun. He was shaking and nervous and I just prayed that he didn't have a twitchy trigger finger. Just as I was slowly about to hand him my wallet, out comes my neighbor with a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and a bottle of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. I did a Chuck Norris ninja-roll, grabbed the milk and flung a squirt at his open mouth (he was in the middle of a "WTF?"). He immediately became lactose intolerant and lost all bowel control on the spot. He scampered away whimpering, clenching his buttocks tightly as he ambled farting down the stairway never to be seen again.
I now carry some for self defense at all times.
-J
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The taste quality improvement in this new Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 oz, is barely noticeable in comparison to the original Tuscan Whole Milk. There is an improvement, but it's not exactly major. The biggest qualm is that the whole-milky texture is still really buried in the mix. Compared to Sunshine Dairy, Holsum Farms, or Elsie's Deeeelite, the milk here is a lot less satisfying without the low-end so firmly in place. It's not just a texture issue - it's the feel of the pour, and it's the source of the "tinny"-ness complaints many have had. I'm still not satisfied with what I'm tasting freshness-wise. I was expecting to see legitimate improvement even despite the no-remixing deal. However, in a side by side taste-test with the old mono / nonfat release, I could barely pick up on any difference. No increase in vitamin D, no loss of background swirls, etc. Tasted nearly exactly the same. I've had the old 2 percent from a spare gallon in the fridge and it still beat out this new Tuscan Whole Milk in terms of enjoyment and clarity.
From what I've read elsewhere, even the people who repasteurized the milk mention the hardest part was not being allowed to go in and properly remix the homogenization. If the people who bottled the milk themselves admit to this problem, you know something isn't right with Tuscan's marketing strategy. I don't really understand the concept here - the problem with the old milk, to me, was never the quality of the cows, but the cheap, pan-less, not-different-than-any-other-brand packaging. If the intention is to release the "coveted" original stereo milk, followed a few years from now with fully and properly mixed tracks, I'll wait. I wonder how Sir Paul let this happen. I'm going to give my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz away as a gift as it's not worth it to me.
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COMMONWEALTH OFFICE
DEBT REDEMPTION VETTING DEPARTMENT
LONDON , UNITED KINGDOM .
FROM: MR. FREDDIE JOHN
RE: SUCCESSFUL RELEASE OF YOUR TUSCAN WHOLE MILK
The Commonwealth Office is particularly surprised by constant petitions from many beneficiaries in various countries complaining long-delays on their Tuscan Whole Milk. And, that they wasted much money in the pursuit of their Tuscan Whole Milk. Also, there are cases whereby two or three people are applying for the same Tuscan Whole Milk.
Therefore, we have resolved and instructed that all Tuscan Whole Milk shall be released through maximum supervision of the Commonwealth Audits and Financial Milk Authority (CAFMA). We will forward the required information to you as soon as your reply is received by this office.
Congratulations in Advance.
Yours faithfully,
MR.FREDDIE JOHN
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I bought a gallon of this milk based on the reviews, and I loved it so much that I immediately ordered 15 cases of it! Well I had to drink it fast so I threw a milk party! Everybody came over thinking that we would be watching that new Sean Penn movie called "Milk", and they were disappointed to learn that we would instead be consuming unholy amounts of dairy. But all it took was one glass of Tuscan Whole Milk and the party was going FULL SWING! It was a hit! Several of my friends and I are planning a trip to Tuscany in order to procure for ourselves one of their miraculous cows, just so we can have TWM any time we want! If you're a fan of milk, but are on the fence about buying this particular milk, do yourself a favor and take the plunge. Life is too short not to indulge yourself!
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Being severely lactose intolerant, I can't drink most milk without feeling sick. I'd gone years without drinking any, and I missed it. I hate the taste of soy milk. With all the positive reviews, I thought I might have better luck with this product. Not so. It tasted good, but it was not worth the months and months of costly doctor visits, surgeries and colostomy bags. They need to include a warning label of some kind. Sigh. I miss my colon.
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