Customer Reviews

The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Women are your best friends and the greatest source of support. They can also be your biggest critic and deliver the harshest blows to your ego and sense of well-being. Welcome to the Twisted Sisterhood. Kelly Valen's brave and smart book is about the pain and joy of female relationships.

Valen's study of over 3000 women discusses the long-term suffering from "social wounding," an insidious form of control wrought by females to express power over other females. On the surface, we should be able to forgive, forget, and move on, yet we don't. The criticisms we hear are stored in the part of our brain that has a very long memory.

If you are a woman with conflicts with female coworkers, bosses, a sister, a daughter-in-law, friends, or you are or a mother of girls, this book is for you. Women and girls are often the victims and sometimes the perpetrators of female abuse. The sting of our criticisms, and the harm they may have caused, is as biting as the denigration we've endured. Women must take responsibility for our own behaviors. Being kind, tolerant and inclusive can improve our own dignity and self-respect as well as that of the sisterhood. Valen's book steers us through the emotional twists and turns of girl world toward the warmth, intimacy and kindness our gender is so capable of.

I preordered this book when I read the Oprah Magazine interview with Ms. Valen. The topic stopped me dead in my tracks because I have had difficult relationships with women my entire life. I received the book a few days ago and couldn't put it down. I felt like it was written about me. Why hasn't this topic been explored on a deeper level until now? I always wondered if other women were going through what I went through and still go through everyday. Now I know that it isn't just me and that it's okay to talk about it. In fact, it's imperative that we do. Thank you Ms. Valen for writing this important book.

Ms. Valen has deftly dissected a difficult and complex topic...the ways in which women can both help and hurt each other. In this well-researched and artfully written book, she shares " war stories" she uncovered in her life and in her research, and shares insight from a wide range of professionals with expertise relevant to the inquiry.

As I read this, it shapes the lessons and behaviour that I want to make sure to both share and model for my daughters, nieces, coworkers and friends. If you are in a position to influence young women and girls - your own, your students, your family or otherwise, this is an important book to read and reflect on.

In general, I have found women to be deceitful and treacherous. I did not personally realize how special I was until I turned 50 (am now 65). From my teen years until in my late 40s I did not have enough confidence in myself to be true to myself and free myself from toxic women I had had in my environment for most of my life. I learned that simply because one has known someone for 45+ years does NOT mean they are your friend. At 50 I finally came into my own, stood up for myself, and surgically removed those women and all women of that type who tend to be jealous, competitive, and liars. That leaves me with few female relationships but I am at peace with myself. Would that I had had this confidence much earlier in life...but at least I learned. I was always attractive with beautiful clothes - and a timid soul that allowed others to mistake kindness for weakness. When I could finally assert my self-worth, I finally achieved freedom. I've been divorced since 1975, so I have learned to enjoy life on my own terms. Being a free spirit brings out the envy and jealousy in others. So be it - who needs them? The culture in which we live is what it is - I practice True Buddhism (chanting NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO)so my only genuine relationships with women are in the context of our practicing Buddhism together. The other women? Forget about it!

I'm a physician and I saw Ms. Valen on Good Morning America and decided to pick up the kindle version. I figured it might provide me with a better perspective on female relationships/friendships for my practice. It's obvious Ms. Valen is extremely bright and her pros are fantastic. A great deal of research went into this book (which I appreciate) and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think the parts regarding mothers and their relationships with their daughters is especially relevant in today's society and I'm not even female (so maybe I'm not qualified to comment but I will anyway). I think women in particular that care about these issues and have experienced any type traumatic event, however big or small, will really appreciate the book. It's a landmark piece in many ways and I'm glad I read it. I don't normally write reviews but thought this book was worth it and well deserving. Well done Ms. Valen and thank you.

Let me start by saying I can't stand the word "frenemy" and that whole mean girl, nasty woman thing the media bandies about. It really perpetuates a serious problem in our society that we don't like to admit to, especially in the workplace environment, which I've experienced personally over and over. So after reading an article about this book that used these words and sort of gave the impression that this author might be another complaining, woman-hating, woe-is-me victim, I was turned off even despite my personal problems with female nastiness. Then my sister told me she read it and knew I'd like it. She was right. I felt so many things in closing this book. I felt empowered as a woman, angry that we females aren't supporting each other the way we should more consistently, but also hopeful that we can change that if enough of us actually try. I also feel a gushy burst of extra appreciation for the women I already love and hold close in my life. My sister and I can't stop talking about it. I liked the author's tone, style and sense of humor so things didn't get too heavy. The stories from women of all walks really resonated even if I didn't always share their views. It's their reality, right? Superb reading that surpasses the provocative hype. Seriously, it's wrong that the media insists on covering books like this in a stereotypical, less than serious manner. It does women a disservice and I'm just glad my sister was on the ball and had the good sense to pass this book on.

I hope every parent, educator, or female involved in any type of work environment will read this book. Twisted Sisterhood is a seminal work that needed to be written, but more importantly needs to be shared and recommended.

The research and findings in Twisted Sisterhood can conjure a mix of emotions. The book is clearly a personal journey turned very scientific. I have sat down to read many books of the later nature, and have found them to be very difficult reads despite how important the content can often be. Basing this book on so many personal narratives (the authors, and the women who took her thought provoking survey), makes the book and it's exhaustive scientific findings compelling and very easy to digest. It's a sit down and read in one evening type of book.

I felt shocked and simultaneously validated throughout this page turner. This book finally gives us the tools to look at certain peers and tell them to stop making excuses. Stop upholding and brushing these complicated issues under the table, using the norm as an excuse. Ms. Valen's research & data clearly back up a vast majority of women's personal experiences.

I personally appreciated the information regarding how woman feel about other women in the workplace. Ms. Valen also explores findings about women in academia, but my inclination from personal experience, is that these challenging relationships extend not only from professor to professor, but from professor to student (at all levels of education). I know there are wonderful exceptions, but I am saddened by strong female role models that appear to not be promoting and encouraging their female students at the same level or manner of their male peers. Especially during a time when women are starting to outnumber men in college admission numbers. It's incredibly discouraging to think of a glass ceiling being created by our own female counterparts - starting at very young ages. As discouraging as it is, we now have someone who has taken the time to spell it out in a unique relatable fashion, and back it up with very impressive data for anyone still in status quo darkness.

After seeing Ms. Valen on Good Morning America, my mind kept reverberating It's About Time someone had the "GUTS" and courage to attack this subject. Then I heard about a Q&A the author did for Lemondrop. After reading that I was sold on purchasing what I consider to be an important book. If the book is as valuable as I already feel it will be, I will purchase as Christmas presents for my daughters as well as my girlfriends (the ones I feel are truly friends). Yes, I am one of the "walking wounded", mortified and hurt by whom I had considered my girlfriends.
Hooray for Ms. Valen for bringing this subject to National attention and hopefully it will make an impact on the "Sisterhood".

I had read the item in Oprah Magazine about this book, "The Twisted Sisterhood" by Kelly Valen and it peaked my interest. After some quick research on the internet, I placed a pre-order for the book and saw that Valen would be on Good Morning America to discuss her book. I tuned in to GMA to watch Valen and was so impressed. She was sincere, professional and articulate about the subject of women's relationships. To my pleasant surprise, my book arrived yesterday and I started reading it immediately. My high school daughter and I kept taking the book from one another and reading it. I am on page 37 and my daughter is on page 56 already. What a refreshing book! Valen quotes many professionals in her book as well as some quotes from 3,000 real people who took her survey. She starts the book out by not bashing women, but quoting all the great benefits from successful healthy female relationships. From there she goes on to discuss the dark side of those relationships as well and how harmful we can be to one another. She accomplishes all this with amazing witt that makes the subject matter easy to read. I am looking forward to finishing the remainder of the book and hoping to gain some insight to being a better "sister" to my fellow women as well as a better role model for my three daughters.

Generation after generation has denied the way women relate to one another with sugar coated sentiments. Many times I've wondered why the topic was never found worthy of discussion. I can remember when I first saw Gone With the Wind & how the "other girls" treated Scarlett and thought how true to life. Well now women are opening up to discuss what has been going on under the surface of women's relationships in Twisted Sisterhood. Perhaps you feel that your back has a huge bite in it from dealing with the sisterhood. This book will help you to no longer assign the blame to yourself & feel like you have done something dreadful to cause this treatment. Your offense could be as simple as not parting your hair on the "correct" side. I think it is great this subject is being brought to public attention where it can no longer remain hidden and do it's deadly damage. I just hope we remain truthful about what's going on and never try to sugar coat it again. Sure there is a positive side to women's relationships as we all have seen by looking at them from the surface, but now we need to look at what has so long been hidden as well. This book does look under the surface and I'm so happy it has been written.