Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage: Reconciling Differences Over Judaism in Your Marriage [Paperback]

Azriela Jaffe (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 2000

Helps couples reconcile differences over Judaism in their marriage. Real-life advice covers such situations as:

* Whether the newly married couple will keep a kosher home, and which synagogue to join.
* A couple reaches a major life event, such as the birth of a child or Bar/Bat Mitzvah of their child.
* One partner has a midlife crisis and begins a spiritual search that propels him or her toward a more ritual-oriented way of life.

These are serious issues in the lives of most Jewish couples. Religious beliefs and observance strike at the core of how individuals define themselves and the kind of families they wish to create. Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage offers couples psychologist- and rabbi-sanctioned strategies for resolving emotionally charged conflicts, and creating a balanced and harmonious life together.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Different levels of commitment and observance can foster conflict even in a "two-Jew" marriage, says Jaffe in this perceptive, down-to-earth book. Jaffe begins by asking readers to examine their own Jewish background and to view their marriage as a merging of two spiritual journeys. She highlights some of the most prevalent marital conflicts that arise over issues such as holidays, purity laws and keeping kosher, using real-life couples as examples (she tells a very funny story about ordering shrimp on her first date with the kosher-keeping man who became her husband). A "mixed Jewish marriage," Jaffe asserts, can be a blessing if both partners learn to respect their differences. (Mar.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Career Press (April 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1564144739
• ISBN-13: 978-1564144737
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.3 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #668,707 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Resolving Differences in a loving marriage, April 12, 2000

By 

Sylvia Weishaus "Sylvia Weishaus, PhD" (Los Angeles) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage: Reconciling Differences Over Judaism in Your Marriage (Paperback)

When two people enter into an interfaith marriage, they know they will have to face issues relating to religious identity and observance, and that these issues will probably intensify with the birth of children. Couples entering within-faith marriages (Jewish-Jewish, Protestant-Protestant) don't expect religious differences to present a challenge because, "After all, we're both Jewish ( or Christian)" Azriela Jaffe reveals the considerable differences that often exist in Jewish marriages, be they cultural (Ashkenazi-Sephardic), denominational, degree of observance, or philosophical, and how these differences create conflict in child-rearing, and in daily living. Her emphasis is on how to resolve these differnces so that "shalom beit," "peace in the home", and loving communication result. This book uncovers every possible conflict that can arise from differences in style and degree of religiousity, beginning with the wedding customs, to Sabbath and holiday observance, religious education for the children, degree of adherence to kashrut (kosher practices), synagogue attendance (which one and how often), participation in Jewish organizations, and many other potential religious sources of conflict in the marriage. Her chapter on "Seven Principles for Positive Communication" charts the course for navigating this potential mine field successfully. She recognizes that there is no single solution to each problem, and suggests that couples need to work out their own unique solutions, choosing their own "path oflove and respect." Every Jewish couple can benefit from this book. As one who has dedicated 25 years to the field of Jewish pre-marital and marital education, I recommend this book as a must!

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Informative, entertaining, thought-provoking., June 5, 2000

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage: Reconciling Differences Over Judaism in Your Marriage (Paperback)

What is often overlooked is that there are almost as many ways to be Jewish as there are Jewish families. That because marriage and children bring otherwise dormant spiritual issues to the surface and that families on both sides of the aisle are pressuring the couple to be true to their heritage, the term "mixed marriage" is a very apt description, even when both husband and wife were born and raised within the Jewish faith. Azriela Jaffe writes with experience, wit, candor, and a gift for expression that readers will find informative, entertaining, thought-provoking, and oh-so-familiar! Two Jews Can Still Be A Mixed Marriage: Reconciling Differences Over Judaism In Your Marriage is highly recommended, exceptionally valued, eminently sensible, and wonderfully useful reading for Jewish couples aspiring to marriage, as well as husbands and wives trying to build a stronger relationship despite (or because of) the variations and differences in their understandings and practices of Jewish traditions.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A great book on conflict resolution in marriage, April 6, 2002

By 

David E. Levine (Peekskill , NY USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage: Reconciling Differences Over Judaism in Your Marriage (Paperback)

This book deals with resolving cobflict in a Jewish marriage where one patner has a higher level of religious observance than the other. However, many of the strategies for resolving conflict can be applied to other, non religious, areas. For example, suppose having a kosher house, on a scale of 1 to 10, is a 10 for the husband while the wife's desire to be able to eat anything in the house is a 6. The house should be kosher. On the other hand, if the wife's desire to eat whatever she wants, when the couple goes out to dinner is a 10, then the compromise should be that the home is kosher but the husband does not pressure the wife to keep kosher outside. Wouldn't this strategy work for just about any conflict, religious or secular?

Sometimes the compromise might be to meet each other half way. For example, if the couple cannot agree on which synagogue to join, they might join a third one which each would be willing to join even if that synagogue is neither's first choice but is an acceptable second choice for both. Another possibility is from time to time, to attend both synagogues. The important thing is for each partner to have respect for the other's level of Judaism and to seek to work things out. The wrong thing to do is to become defensive and have an angry "Reform vs Orthodox" argument. This fine book shows how conflicts can be worked out.