The Ugly Man's Guide to Picking Up Women (and Keeping Them) [Paperback]

Mark Patton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2001

The Ugly Man’s Guide to Picking Up Women (and Keeping Them) is a laugh out loud, off the wall approach to improving the odds of even the most physically unappealing men in the world. It is packed full of useful real life information that’s easy to digest and a blast to read. It takes you through the basics and gives you some great little tricks to help you along the way. It deals with meeting women, dating, relationships and even SEX. This book tells you how it is, holding nothing back. It’s actually funny enough to read out loud at parties, yet serious enough to give you the edge over the better looking competition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A book called The Ugly Man's Guide to Picking Up Women (and Keeping Them) may not sound promising, but Mark Patton offers some valuable, if humorous, insights (e.g., "to most women looks aren't everything"). Claiming to be living proof that an attractive, loving woman can be within reach, he reminds readers that being sincere, considerate and winning a woman's respect are goals any man can achieve. A clever jacket photograph featuring a lounging man with a paper bag over his head makes this guide a novelty item and enticing impulse purchase.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From the Inside Flap

PREFACE

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was this reasonably attractive and emotionally secure guy: ME. I used to sing in a band. I used to have long, thick hair. I used to get more than my share of women. Life was good.

Then, I was hit by the Ugly Truck. I was just walking down the road of life, minding my own business......and BANG. I didn't even see it coming. I wasn't sure what had hit me until I looked in the mirror. Oh My God. It had dumped its whole load of ugly all over me. I tried dressing better, exercising, even using gel in my hair, but nothing seemed to work. The ugly just wouldn't come off.

As time went on, I went through the five stages of ugly.

First there was denial. That wasn't me in the mirror. I must be looking through a window conveniently located above the bathroom sink, and some really repulsive man was looking back at me. Yeah, that's it. I'm still good-looking. That girl I asked to dance last night wasn't laughing at me. She was laughing with me. Sure. She's just a happy person, that's all.......I'm not ugly......Not me, boy......No way......I can't be.....really.

The second stage was anger. "Oh God, Why me? Why do I have to be ugly? Hey. What about my best friend? Why can't he be ugly and I be the good-looking one? I'd still let him hang around with me (most of the time, anyway). It's not fair. I hate being homely, and I hate all those 'Beautiful People.' You know who you are. You're the ones with no hang-ups, no insecurities. The ones who know they're beautiful, and flaunt it for all us ugly people to see. I'd like to strangle you all. Better yet, I'd like to make you all wear a paper bag over your head with a picture of Phyllis Diller printed on the front of it, and never let you take it off.........Okay. Mark.......Calm down." Boy oh boy, I sure had a lot of anger inside.

The third stage was depression, and man, was I depressed. Nothing seemed to matter except my not-so-good looks. You couldn't put a smile on my face even with a full day of 'Leave it to Beaver' re-runs. If I won the lottery, I'd just be rich and ugly instead of poor and ugly. I considered putting a gun to my head, but I was afraid my dead body would be even more grotesque than my live one. I'd be walking down the street sobbing, and strangers would stop me and say, "Are you okay.?" And I'd reply, "No I'm not. I'm ugly." They'd then usually try and console me by saying, "You're not ugly. You just have an extreme lack of good looks." How comforting. It's difficult being 'Attractively Challenged.' Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.

The next stage was withdrawal. I was afraid to go out. People might stare. Little kids might point at me and say, "Mommy, look at the horrible man." I might run into old high school flames. They'd say, "Mark. It's great to see you," but they'd be thinking, "Mark. It's great to see you......while moving as far away from you as possible," and thanking their lucky stars for dumping me when they did. Maybe if I just stay home for forty or fifty years, then I'll be too old and wrinkly for anyone to tell if I'm repulsive or not. By then, everyone else will be old and wrinkly too and I'll be back in the saddle again.

The last stage was acceptance. I had to get used to the fact that I wasn't the 'burning, burning hunk of love' I used to be. My hair was getting thin. My gut was growing larger and my chest was getting smaller. Strange parts of my body were getting hairy. My baby face was turning into a maybe face,(maybe you're ugly, maybe you're just plain hideous). I had to get used to disappointment every time I glanced in the mirror. I had to find the positive side of ugly. Maybe I could age gracefully. (I honestly didn't see how I could get any worse.) Maybe I could work on my personality to help me through those difficult times. I might even write a book about my failures and successes to help all those unsightly guys who were suffering the same affliction.

And here you have it, my book! Enjoy!

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Product Details

• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: BRG Publishing (January 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0966114477
• ISBN-13: 978-0966114478
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,109,848 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars A Everyman's Guide to Getting a girl, August 26, 2011

By 

Creation27 (San Jose, CA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Ugly Man's Guide to Picking Up Women (and Keeping Them) (Paperback)

This book has a lot of hints and tips that go a long way to getting a girl. Such as the tip about always having nice shoes. This book is a good starter-guide to picking up women. I highly recommend this book BEFORE buying a book such as 'The Player's Guide' because this book starts you off slow, building foundational material such as clothing and cologne. Once you get the basics down you can start doing stuff like Peacocking and being Alpha.

5 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars For anyone seeking female companionship, May 20, 2001

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Ugly Man's Guide to Picking Up Women (and Keeping Them) (Paperback)

In The Ugly Man's Guide To Picking Up Women (And Keeping Them), author Mark Patton has written an insightful, effective, "how to" book on creating a relationship with a woman by improving a fellow's mating potential through improving one's personality, physical appearance, hold an engaging conversation, effective places to take a date, "making a move", sex tips, dealing with the "morning after", what to do about her kids and pets, gift giving, moving in together, the etiquette of breaking up, getting married, and much, much more! Written with wit, humor, experience, and expertise (Patton is (5'5 and himself "attractively challenged" but managed to woo, win and wed an attractive wive who adores him) The Ugly Man's Guide To Picking Up Women is "must" reading for anyone seeking female companionship whether its for an evening, a weekend, or a lifetime.

7 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars How to pick up women, June 23, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: The Ugly Man's Guide to Picking Up Women (and Keeping Them) (Paperback)

I don't think this book provides adequate advice, and may actually be dangerous to the average fella trying to pick up women. Here's some advice. remember, conditioning is important, go heavy on the squats and leg lifts to strengthen your lower back and thighs. I try hit the gym three times a week. Remember,always vary your workout routine with the size of the woman you are going to be picking up. And always stretch before and after you pick up a woman, they're heavier than they look sometimes. And fer christ sakes, lift with your legs not your back!