Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart [Hardcover]

Stephen Levine (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 13, 2005

Wise and compassionate advice from one of the nation's most trusted grief counselors-to help heal emotional wounds that linger and prevent us from leading full and happy lives.

Unattended sorrow is unresolved grief that has never been given a chance to heal. This lovely, spiritual book from one of the nation's most trusted grief counselors offers a series of techniques to help heal this pain so readers can lead full and joyful lives. The book not only guides those who have experienced a fresh loss to face the hurt before it settles in, but it also addresses the devastating impact of tragedies past, when people become "stuck" years after childhood abuse, teen rape, early divorce, or loss of a loved one.

"Your heart and soul can be made whole again, be rejuvenated. . . . All this is thanks to the gentle, insightful, user-friendly wisdom of my friend, Stephen Levine."--Mark Victor Hansen, co-creator, #1 New York Times bestselling series, Chicken Soup for the Soul

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"Feelings of loss don't go away; they go deeper," says grief counselor Stephen Levine, whose work over the past 30 years has won acclaim from the likes of [[LINK]][Elisabeth Ku[umlaut]bler-Ross]. He claims that chronic grief can result just as easily from the death of a loved one as it can from everyday disappointments like "unfulfilled ambitions." Whatever the source of one's sense of loss, Levine argues that grief must be thoroughly worked through, or it can lead insidiously to addiction, clinical depression, and other physical complaints. Borrowing heavily from Buddhist teachings, Levine recommends mindfulness meditation as one of several paths to reaching relief through "self-mercy." Unfortunately, as earnest he may be, Levine has a tendency to meanders in his writing, even in chapters that average just five pages in length. He's right that Americans in particular are too-often taught to "swallow our grief," but (likely distraught) readers may have a hard time wading through his ponderings to reach the far-between bits of concrete advice. --Erica Jorgensen

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. According to Levine, "unattended sorrow," even years after a loss, casts a shadow over one's entire life, leading to fear, doubt, shame and, more concretely, eating disorders, troubled sleep and sexual dysfunction. These sorrows, he writes, involve not only death but "the ungrieved losses of love betrayed, of trusts broken, and of the repeated bruises left by unkindness" that, unheeded, "sink well below the level of our awareness." In this valuable addition to the literature on mourning and bereavement, Levine writes in a soothing voice informed by many of the principles of Buddhism, but also encompassing all the major spiritual traditions. Levine (A Gradual Awakening), who has done grief counseling with concentration camp survivors, Vietnam vets and many others, points out that a new loss may be intensified by earlier, unresolved griefs about the death or divorce of parents, the loss of a sibling or other psychological traumas. Levine identifies three stages on the path to easing the anguish of loss: softening the pain, cultivating mercy and making peace with the pain. He recommends a number of techniques, including a breathing exercise to loosen a stomach constricted by fear and denial and periods of silent time spent meditating or walking. All of his easy-to-follow suggestions involve extending kindness and forgiveness to the self, which, Levine says, will lead to the practice of dealing with others in the spirit of mercy and love. Although, as Levine acknowledges, the healing process is slow, opening the pain-filled heart can lead to the unfolding of a new life.
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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Rodale Books; First Edition first Printing edition (January 13, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1594860653
• ISBN-13: 978-1594860652
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #417,276 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Attending to Sorrow, February 23, 2006

By 

Janie Bowman - See all my reviews

This review is from: Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Hardcover)

Your child died or your spouse left you. Your parent abandoned you. Your kids are "disconnected." Grief has many faces. Stephen Levine's book was recommended by a counselor I recently saw due to some personal grief issues.

There are times I got lost in the read, but this was due to the sometimes poetic nature of the writer. I just keep reading and learned about breathing, tapping, mindfulness and forgiveness. Interspersed are tidbits of wisdom from Buddhist philosophy. All positive ways to embrace your life.

This books isn't written to take your pain away. Rather, it helps you to embrace your human-ness. It affirmed my belief that the inability to feel empathy, hurt and pain, is -- apathy. I prefer being human and Stephen Levine wraps you in that comfort.

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Healing Journey: Gentle and Compassionate, September 20, 2007

By 

Alice Saczawa (Mineral, VA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Hardcover)

I read the review that said this book is repetitive, etc. . . . and I felt I needed to share my experiences with this book.

Sorrow can run deep. Especially when a pattern of grief and sorrow is laid down when you are a child; it can persistently sap your energy, your joy.

What is lovely about this book is that, recognizing the persistent nature of this malaise, it gently speaks to you of other alternatives. When I was in pain, I really appreciated the slow pace; the way it is written with such kindness, and compassion; the gentleness with which the materials are presented. This book is more about helping you find your peace within your sorrow than about expressing tools and techniques; although the tools and techniques are there.

It is a lovely book, and it can be very, very helpful in working through those old patterns. I highly recommend it.

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Some excellent content, but repetitious and loosely organized, September 1, 2006

By 

Patrick D. Goonan "see profile for URL" (Livermore, CA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart (Hardcover)

This book has a very poignant message about sorrow which is not attended to. It also goes into how and why we sweep our feelings of sadness under the rug. Not only is it not acceptable to be sad beyond a certain length of time in our culture, in our fast-paced world we tend to accumulate ungrieved losses.

There are many very lyrical and moving quotes throughout the book. For this reason alone it is worth owning. For example, Levine uses the following metaphor to illustrate a point, "Where we expect to find a highly sensitive area around pain, we may discover it is actually going numb from overload. This is a true of a broken bone as it is of a broken heart." He goes on to say that this numbness is unattended sorrow, "it's all the places where we've gone numb... overflowing the walls by which we attempt to compartmentalize our pain."

While the book is filled with powerful content, you will have to wade through a lot of repetition to find the gems. The book is also loosely organized and I didn't find many of the specific suggestions useful for dealing with acute grief. I think he fails to present enough detail to get the full benefit from his practical advice and he tends to just keep repeating the same basic two or three concepts.

On the other hand, Levine does a great job of articulating the pain of grieving and some existential realities that accompany it. The style of the book is poetic and it's a good book to open randomly and just read for short periods of time. It could be very comforting at a time of loss, but it doesn't present a real roadmap of the grief process or a systematic way to get through it.

Stephen Levine is a mindfulness proponent, so is approach is more meditative and meandering. For Westerners, this may not come naturally, although I don't argue that it could be a very effective way to deal with grief if you understand more about it. However, I feel some important supporting text is missing and a more comprehensive overview of the grief process as a whole would probably be an addition that most readers would appreciate.